my husband thinks sex is dirty?

Question

my husband and I have been married for 10 years, were 32, and we used to have an ok sex life, once a week.. and he wanted it.. for the last year he doesnt want it at all. he says it feels dirty. I dont get it.. I was molested when I was 13, and he knows. Im way over that, why should it bother him.. also five years ago he cheated on me..but that was five years ago, why do I have to suffer.. were great friends but thats about it.. wonder if he is gay?
too many excuses here.... im confused

Answer 1

Counseling babe, serious counseling, sounds like its not you. He has some major issues you have been paying the price for.

What ever made you think sex once a week was ok to begin with? That was not normal for a 22 year old man! He has abused you in one of the worst ways possible, he has led you to think you are abnormal for wanting what is normal. The gay thing may be the issue but its not for you determine, you guys need serious marriage counseling......

God I hate to say, go have an affair! You can't possibly have explored your own needs and desires if that is what you have been dealing with for ten years......that is sad, so sad. I feel for you babe, have known a lot of women in your position.......seen a lot of them discover themselves and truly blossom once they got out of it too.

Answer 2

ALL I CAN SEE with your relationship if you really want to save it is a psychiatric help for your husband, a few session would do him some good and eventually help him cope with his excessive desire for porn and sex. I SUSPECT there is more than what he told you regarding his mom or his previous life when he was a child. I suspect he was molested or a child abused. He has a twisted mentality when it comes to sex and other pornographic materials. I bet he forgot how to take a bath or eat at all he thinks about is sex and porn in the house or else where. YOU NEED HELP fast or else something might end up nasty between you and your husband. Yes that is practically true, that excessive porn makes a man not able to connect to a woman in reality or in the real world. And doesn't respect women anymore. That is also the danger of it he might rape other women thinking that it is good for him because of these too much porn in his head. The picture flashing in his head that women like it to be rape that is why he will do the nasty thing because of porn. You have to ask for help through a doctor or a psychiatrict to help him cope with the problem by giving him medication or you could file a divorce eventually to make him realize what is really the problem between you and his excessive porn. YOU GOT TO STAND UP for your rights as individual not a slave to your husband obsession of porn. Either you do something or just keep quiet under an oak tree thinking only a miracle would save your marriage.

Answer 3

Something is going on,,
you better find out..
does he spend time away from you,? ENOUGH time to have a lover?
IF YOUR HUBBY CHEATED FIVE YEARS AGO, MAYBE he never really stopped totally..
YES IT HURTS,
AND it hurts to think that you are living with a person who does not want you intimately..
If he is gay, that might be hard to find out,
Why in the hell, would he say it feels dirty,? THAT IS AN INSULT, ASK HIM WHAT IS DIRTY..YOU OR HIM,?

I think you better get more specifics from him.. he owes you much more respect, and needs an attitude adjustment,
What does he plan to do with you now? NOTHING? because now he feels dirty?

i HOPE YOU GO BEYOND CONFUSED, AND BECOME ASSERTIVE, AND REMIND HIM, IF NOTHING ELSE, YOU DEMAND HONESTY and for him not to hide behind
feeling dirty comments, etc,

The thing is, prepare yourself, as he may give you an answer you do not want,

Think of this, would you want to remain the wife of a man who does not love you, or want you sexually, ?
THEN WHO OR WHAT DOES HE WANT?

I AM SORRY FOR YOUR SITUATION, THAT REALLY SUCKS, IF you are great friends, he would not treat you as he is,,
if he wants a friend, he can get a dog, you are his wife, and if your needs are not met, or even cared about.
then WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT,

GET COUNSELING,, ASAP
GOOD LUCK
PRAY, GOD, IS AVAILABLE, ALL THE TIME,,

Answer 4

Kim,
I am sure you are going to get this a lot but, as a man, it sounds to me like he found and excuse to give you about why he is not wanting sex. But could it be that he is just getting it somewhere else? You might try to look for other signs such as spending more money, schedule changing, doing calls or computer time when he can get away from you, dressing different than expected, new friends. I hope this is not the case.
There is also the possibility that he is at the point in his life where he feels inadequate. Most all men reach a point in there life where they need something to happen to make them feel like a man again. It is different for every man, but necessary.
Good luck.

Answer 5

If he thought it was dirty, why would he even dare do it with someone he didn't trust; why would he cheat? And I'm sorry, but I'm 23 (what you were 10 years ago) and I do it about 4 times a week (on a bad week) with the guy I love, so your's doesn't sound so okay at all to me.
It sounds like your guy has some issues. May not be that he's gay, but I do think that he should talk to a professional about it.

ps- I think he should consider himself to be lucky to have someone who's been what you've been through still be so open to sexual relations!

Answer 6

Ok, this is going to be hard. You noticed a behaviour change. This is sending off alarms in my head. Has he changed his appearance? Has he started buying new clothing, especially underwear? Does he spend a lot of unacounted for time out say at a gym, etc? If he isn't having sex with you...he is having sex with SOMEONE. Yep, male or female. Interesting, you might have a homosexual on your hands....if he isn't into your body, and describes sex as dirty...and only would once a week...well you have some issues to work out. Sounds like...a counseling session is MANDATORY. Secrets ALWAYS come out darling.

Answer 7

you two need to attend some couples counseling. he needs to explain to you more than why he feels sex is dirty. sex and intimacy is important in a marriage and a relationship. are you prepared to live the rest of your life without sex? ask him if you can go outside the marriage for sex. there are many men that would like to have a fling with a married woman....no strings....i mean not a one niter or some kind of pick up, that would be too beneath you. but develop a rapport with someone you find and trust and then enjoy sex with that person where nothing more is offered or taken.

of course counseling first....

Answer 8

Counseling....he thinks sex is dirty...why?
1. Because he's cheating again.
2. He's still feels guilty because of cheating.
3. He's got some deep seated issue.
4. He's gay.
5. It's just an excuse.

BTW the thought of dirty usually turns men on not off.

AND don't beat yourself up over his problems you are perfectly normal the way you are.

Answer 9

Your going to get hundreds of answers and all same the same thing. I believe marriage is for life but sometimes divorce is immenent. I would get yourself to some marriage counseling ASAP. I have to say as a psychology student that he shows all the traits he's still cheating on you or has recently cheated on you.. most likely with muliple partners. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 10

It may very well be the fact that he's gay. You shouldn't have to live your life without sex just 'cause he feels like it's dirty. It would be different if he had a medical problem where he couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't dirty to him when he cheated on you, was it? Think about that.