If someone hurts me.......I have the tendency to "write them off". I will still talk to them but as far the friendship goes it's over. Would you consider his unforgiveness? or not?
e.g. one of my girlfriends, that I had been there for through thick and thin, deserted me when she found a man and nowadays she is trying to be friends again. I still talk to her but I don't call her or get close as before.
2006-08-28 17:26:36 · 16 answers · asked by Lady Mandeville 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I think it's a fairly normal reaction.
Some of the trust is gone. It takes time to rebuild it. Leave the door open a little bit, but let them earn whatever forgiveness you give them.
I think it is up to them to rebuild the relationship. If you are a forgiving person you will find a way to let that happen.
2006-08-28 17:47:42 · answer #1 · answered by Warren D 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are SANE. It is not unforgiveness, it is being realistic. You can forgive and not give that person power to reinjure you again. THERE are consequences to wrong actions. I wrote off my father after I looked him up when I was 21 years old. I realized WHY my mother left him. He is a con artist, thief, and HUGE LIAR. I forgave him, and then let him no that I want no part of his life after my mother died. Why? Because he would steal from my siblings...lie, cheat, steal, and a person with that kind of personality disorder has no conscience. I don't hate him, I just can't tolerate the behavior. Yep, I have had to let go of some people in my life. But that is life. The friends I have are true, and you treat people HOW you want to be treated.
If you are looking at restoration of your relationship, that takes time. Forgiveness is instantaneous. Healing takes time. Trust needs to be rebuilt, and the relationship might actually take a turn for the better. See if the person is worth the risk, we aren't perfect, we are human. Have an honest dialogue about it, and let this person know that you would like to build a bridge slowly, but take it slow.
2006-08-28 17:34:39 · answer #2 · answered by Marilyn C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you all calling unforgiveness the wrong thing. I think that you sound like you give a lot to your friends and expect the same thing in return. I think you are gun shy and seek quality relationships and that you aren't taking the convenient friendship ( when it's convenient for them!
Trust your instincts and if you give a 100% you should never except a 10% return. You should always know your friend has your back and they don't they good riddens. You take the word friendship seriously and you are more mature than this girl and not as flighty. Good luck!
2006-08-28 17:33:35 · answer #3 · answered by Cheryl K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is called being cautious. A huge issue with friends is how they handle themselves when they have a boyfriend/husband. It SHOULD be that your friendship shouldn't change and their attitude towards you shouldn't change. Of course she may spend less time with you but "desert" you is alot different than that. In my opinion if someone writes you off when they have a bf/husband and are CONSTANTLY needing you when they don't...then they have a serious issue.
If she is putting an effort into having a friendship with you again...then go ahead and accept her offer if you think it is worth having. At least she cares enough to attempt to make things right if she KNOWS she made a mistake?
2006-08-28 17:37:13 · answer #4 · answered by Jenny Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yea, you haven't forgiven her, but sometimes that isn't such a bad thing...Sometimes people deserve a second chance depending on what it is they did, but I was in a similar situation and I pretty much did the same thing you are doing to your friend right now and it's been about 2 years.
If she could diss me like that for a man once, she will do it again and obviously I wasn't as much of her friend as I thought I was so oh well. Her loss.
2006-08-28 17:29:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do the same thing.. takes work to be labeled as a friend again once they've done me wrong. It is not "Unforgiveness" it is a trust issue that once destroyed or damaged needs time to heal.. sometimes it can NOT be healed/
2006-08-28 17:30:17 · answer #6 · answered by The::Mega 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
can tell u are young from this move u ar doing.. I did the same when I am in my teens.. till now.. i will not write them off... just that.. I find maintaing ctts are very impt cos as u grow older.. it is harder to find trustable and good frens... I think u can still talk to her but maybe in your heart u dun treasure her.. but she still treasure u ... so why not see if there is a chance to go back to the old times... relations and trust is not easy to build but it just take one small thing to spoil it... so i hope u make the correct decision and good luck... (btw.. since u are talking to her.. i think as time goes by.. both of u will bring bulid that bridge again..)
2006-08-28 18:31:27 · answer #7 · answered by veramira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't have hurt you by pulling away a bit to deal with her man. That goes under the cateogry: NEED SOME PRIVACY. So what.... They needed some private time. A real friend would have supported this, not made her feel bad about it. Are you jealous? On the other hand, if and ONLY if it was YOUR man that she ran off with then you got a reason to be mad about it.
2006-08-28 17:28:43 · answer #8 · answered by cami 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm the same way. It's a form of self protection. You are trying to avoid getting hurt again.
2006-08-28 17:29:05 · answer #9 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
same thing happened with me... i was always there for her and all of a sudden she gets engaged she turns 180 on me and treats me like dirt.. dont expect me to be around ne longer.. she tries calling i just dont pick up! i'm not interested in someone that uses me! 7 years of frindship lost over some idiot that she claims to love!
2006-08-28 17:31:26 · answer #10 · answered by coldilocks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋