My husband & I are not getting along for a long long time and I really want to divorce. For the past 9 years (we dated 4 years and married for 5 years) he has been mentally and verbally abusive sometimes. And he has serious gambling problems that stressed me out every day. He just told me today that if we divorce and if I ever find someone and re-married, he will try to fight for full custody of our son (6 years old now). What should I do? Can he really fight to get a custody of my son?? I really don't want to lose my son and I am really scared. What should I do? Please give me advise! Thank you!
2006-08-28 17:14:33 · 22 answers · asked by sunflower222 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He cannot get custody of your son if you remarry unless he can prove you unfit or prove that your son is in some sort of danger. If anything you getting remarried would show an even more stable home for your son.
You really need to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. That way if you do divorce you will have records of things that he has done, abuse and all...ESPECIALLY any bank records or things to show that he is irresponsible with money and has and gambling problem.
Telling you that he will take your son is another way of him abusing you. Trying to scare you into not leaving. PLEASE don't let him do this to you. Just mind games.
If you really want to leave him then do it. Have faith that all will work out!
You don't deserve to be abused in ANY way!! My husband has been emotionally abusive for many years and he is finally admitting it and getting help.
I truly wish the same for you!
God Bless You and You Son!
2006-08-28 17:24:27 · answer #1 · answered by Heather 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to get yourslf and your son away from this man-I'm sure he's not hiding being verbally abusive and so on and that is not good for your son for the man is the role model for the little boy and he will copy.You need to talk to a divorce lawyer-usually the consult is free and he can tell you exactly what your husband can and can't do. Most important you need to get hard facts concerning his gaambling and that can be shown a judge in court-no judge will give him full custody if he's know to have a gambling addict. Usually-unless she is proved to be unfit by facts(not just hearsay ) the mother will never lose custody. Since this man is abusive I would keep your plan to see attorney secret and have the consultation(keep to yourself or share but be very sure you can trust so husband can't find out) and then foillow your lawyers advice. If you have friends that have had divorce experience get some referrals if not any lawyer can give you advice(divorce lawyer). Your husband is trying to intimidate you and knows he can by instilling fear you'll lose your son-you won't. He can try to get full custody but in order to accomplish has to have some pretty concrete proof of you being a totally neglectful, abusive mother and it takes a lot to prove that in court. Do not let him scare you but pursue your plan . A bad marriage is not good for a child. More than likely you'll either get full custody and he will have visiting privilege or you two will share custody. Be sure to also ask for support-he's obligated to support his son until 18. Be brave and Good luck.
2006-08-29 00:30:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Been there and done that, if you can prove the abuse and the gambling problem you are home free. Beside you have to be proven unfit to have your son taken. Take a deep breath and look at whats best for your son and do whats right. I went through that for 10 years with my ex and finally realized it was no life for my 2 boys to be in, so I got out even with all the threats. And I didn't look back. He can talk the talk but will he walk the walk!!
2006-08-29 00:27:12 · answer #3 · answered by stormy2u2001 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless you are an unfit mother, its unlikely that a judge will give full custody to the father, so I wouldn't worry about that. He is trying to use that to intimidate and manipulate you into staying with his lousy as*. Take your chances and file for divorce. A serious gambling problem is going to drag you down so low, you might not have the strength to get out. Get out now. Good luck.
God bless.
2006-08-29 01:37:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are being bullied by a control freak. He is writing emotional checks that his account can not cover. In other words spiteful threats he can not enforce. File your divorce, ask for custody of your son and tell the idiot that he can file any papers he likes and let the chips fall where they may. When he sees you are not intimidated he may straighten up and act like an adult. Either way chances are he could not handle being a parent...he can't even manage his own life. Good luck!
2006-08-29 00:57:44 · answer #5 · answered by jodie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There has been a lot of good advice offered here that I agree with. You should get your son out of there becuse kids are very aware of what happens around them. If you are a good mom then don't worry because courts and judges usually favor moms for custody unless they are deemed unfit. And the fact that he has a gambling problem helps your case. Good Luck.
2006-08-29 00:42:16 · answer #6 · answered by Margarita 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave if you want. And when the judge needs to decide who is the more responsible parent, then you just conveniently bring up hubby's neglect for priorities due to gambling debts. Custody usually goes to the more responsible parent. And if you don't have anything going on in your own life, like education and a career, then your life should be that mirror to show you WHY you need to get it started! You want to be co dependent to this kind of unstable situation?
2006-08-29 00:19:51 · answer #7 · answered by cami 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not about the son its about he money he would have to pay for child support. That is why he is giving you lip service and the threats. I've been there done that. He can fight for custody but all his gambling money would be going to attorney, not just his but yours too. Just work it out and try to get him help with his problem. Good luck !!!!
2006-08-29 00:28:04 · answer #8 · answered by c k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should get a good lawyer. I don't think he would get full custody of your son but you would have to share custody. Unless the judge put some kind of supervision clause on the agreement. But you should at least talk to a lawyer.
2006-08-29 00:19:24 · answer #9 · answered by jagbeeton 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can you move back in with your parents?
I would gather all the information you can regarding his gambling problem (in secret). I would tell him that you both have to give a 100% to your marriage for the sake of your son!
I would do everything I could to get help for him and your marriage that way you always knew you did your best.
I would seek legal help before doing anything rash and get all the information of the slide to know your rights and protect your child.
Good luck~
2006-08-29 00:28:21 · answer #10 · answered by Cheryl K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋