How can I live with myself?

Question

I'm bisexual and I'm not sure if I should be glad, sad, angry, or what. I have always wanted to just be normal and to not stand too far out in the crowd and it seems like I'm cursed into feeling something I used to think was so wrong.

I'm really scared to share my orientation with others. I'm scared I'll be rejected. I'm scared I'll be judged. I don't want people to think of me as a lesser person because of the way I feel. You see all of these people, I do often in school, who call people gay and it's considered an insult.

I don't think I can come open with that. I'm really scared that everyone will make fun of me and I'll never have a life again.

Is there an easy way to live with myself without having to supressing my desires and being a complete laugh at school? I can't change the way I feel; if I could, I would have by now... I'm so scared, I can't even play sports because I'd never be able to be focued on the game; I'd be staring at one of the players.

Any suggestions??

"The thing to is eventually seek out other friends who feel the same way you do."

The thing is I don't know who those people are... I know if I confront someone, they could exploit it and completely ruin my life...

I'm scared of that... I'm scared of being in the crosshairs of insulters...

Answer 1

First of all, if you live in a small town environment with folks who are endowed with civic pride, there is no place for gay pride. A female in this situation can get by with this more readily than a male. The first picture that comes to mind with those civic minded folks is a sexual sandwich. A male in the middle is getting plugged.

You need to seek friends who have the same orientation as you. This will pave the way towards what you perceive as normalcy. Coming out might be a big mistake, unless you are part of a liberal minded community. After Bush won re-election, I can see there are very few communities that are accepting.

Answer 2

Hey buddy, I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much with this. The thing to to is eventually seek out other friends who feel the same way you do. You may not be able to go out and do what you want to now because you are afraid. But maybe get some people on line you can talk to to let some of it out. HOWEVER, use caution if you ever decide to meet anyone from the Internet as you should know by now. Don't allow yourself to become too trustworthy to quickly and if you meet someone meet them in public. Just be careful. When i was 18 and scared I really met some great people that way. Do not think less of yourself, you are a normal self actualized person in touch with their true feelings.

Answer 3

Just tell trusthworthy friends. I did that and he ended up 'fessing up that he was Bi. So our friendship only became stronger.

I don't tell other ppl 'cos it's none of their business. As well as insults go, I don't know how to handle that. Everyone is my community is tolerant of homosexuality even though we're a religious town. I don't think that I was "marked" in anyway when I was young. Of course then the matter was not so much before the public.I was friends with a lass at the office and one day a smart young thing said "Look, here come the spinsters. Couldn't get a man to save themselves !" Gwen merely smiled at me and asked "Well fellow spinster, are we as one? ".
I cannot promise that there will be no ignorant people around you. I can only hope that you will have friends gay or otherwise, who will support you.

Answer 4

Hey American,

I think you should be Glad! You sound normal and you probably don't stand too far out in the crowd (this IS what you want... right?)

Be Glad because you consider yourself bi! You are not into animals, dead people, children, pieces of fruits and or vegetables. Most people question alot of their sexual beliefs when they are growing up, so you are healthy and normal.

You do, however, sound really young. If this is true, RELAX! You've got time. I would, in the meantime, look into either a Gay/Straight alliance at your High School or College or look into a men's bi-sexual discussion group at a local Gay and Lesbian Center. If you don't live near one, consider joining up with a on-line Bi-Sexual interest group. Join one and ask questions, tell frustrations and share information. You will find the sessions are able to free your troubles and sad thoughts.

Keep in mind one very important item;

You are not alone!

There are millions of others out there that have gone through exactly what you have!

Good Luck and keep in touch!

James in San Diego

Answer 5

Hi there. Glad you took the time to elaborate on this issue and hope everything is going fine for you now. The hardest part of comming out is the peroid of time when you first let your feelings known. It is going to take time for people to accept you for who you are and being in high school is difficult. After school is out you then go off and life becomes different, trust me. All those bullies and homophobes won't be forced into your presence anymore. Accepting your feelings is good. It is a statement of knowing what you feel and what you need and the act of accepting who you are that counts. I believe you should keep a low profile as long as you attend school and like I said after it is over it is either off to collage to explore like 85% of guys do at that time or simply get you a guy and get it on because then it won't matter what people think you can stand your ground. Being bisexual or gay doesn't mean you can't play sports! Hell dude, ENJOY IT! Showers and changing! You get to see more skin than a fat woman at KFC! As long as you are good at the game take advantages of everything you can and keep a low profile. Some special person will pop up if not now soon and you can get a low profile on him if ya catch my **WINK**

Answer 6

Hello.

While I understand your situation, I'd like to offer you some "sage" advise. First of all, there is no need for ANYONE to know what your sexual desires are except you and the person or persons you choose to share that part of your life with. What we do in the privacy of our own lives sometimes SHOULD be held close to our chests.

If you do choose to share this part of your life with a friend who you trust and that friend betrays your trust, that person will not only loose your friendship but will loose the trust and respect of many of his other friends too. If it's a friend who truly loves and respects you then your trust is well placed if not then this person who betrayed you would really not be the friend you thought would they? my dad told me that if I had just 1 friend for more than a decade then I should consider myself lucky.

Check with your area's gay and lesbian center you can surely meet people of like minds there, feeling comfortable in the assumption that since they are there so they are more than likely open to who you are.

It really sounds like you just need a really good friend who will love you unconditionally.

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 7

It's difficult and scary when you first discover that your sexual orientation isn't what everyone else's is, but remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are other people that are like you and eventually you will find some of them and you will feel like you are home.
Find out if there is a GLBT center close-by. They often have groups for teens. This would be a safe place for you to meet some folks and to talk with others who are going through what you are.
Also, you might want to look for a local Unitarian Universalist church. They are welcoming of GLBT persons. The minister there would be a safe adult for you to speak with and can also help you find local resources.

Answer 8

I don't think that I was "marked" in anyway when I was young. Of course then the matter was not so much before the public.I was friends with a lass at the office and one day a smart young thing said "Look, here come the spinsters. Couldn't get a man to save themselves !" Gwen merely smiled at me and asked "Well fellow spinster, are we as one? ".
I cannot promise that there will be no ignorant people around you. I can only hope that you will have friends gay or otherwise, who will support you.
Best wishes, Rose P.

Answer 9

You have got to stop feelingg like you're less than someone else. And stop worrying about other peoples' opinions of you. They can't walk in your shoes. they won't be there when you'rtre feeling down. They won't be there to pay the rent. etc..Call the gay center, the hotline, or PFLAG (it's a wonderful supportive, educational, advocacy group that supports the fa,ilies and friend of GLBT people. They will find goups for you to talk to and help you on your journey of self acceptance.You are just as good as anyone else and you must be able to face yourself in the mirror and say that. You belong to a group of people who are comfortable with both men and women- you have the best ofboth worlds. Yu just don't know it yet. Find people thru the social groups, learn to accept yourself. Before you can have a happy life you have to be comfortable with you. Don't worry about telling it to anyone yet. Don't try explaining it to anyone until you feel strong inside. Just relax. Learn to experience these new feelings with self hate or fear. Please contact pflag.org and they will help you find people, places, phone numbers, etc. HUGS!.

Answer 10

Keep the fact that you are bisexual to yourself until you finish school and are able to handle the criticism that comes along with being bisexual in this homophobic society.

It sounds like you are not ready to stand up for who you are yet.