Too Tired To Have Sex?

Question

I talked to my husband today and I told him we needed to have sex more. I am worried about his sex problems. Sometimes he can get an erection but I can't feel it and I did tell him this about two months ago I opened up. He told me this evening it puts a lot on him and he works hard everyday and is tired. Should I feel depressed? I can't help but feel empty inside. I was mad and said we won't have sex anymore.

Thanks for all the help on here. I am just quiet worried. I hope thngs will happen again and that we can still have sex. He is a nice person. Yesterday he washed some towels, dishes, and cooked too.

Answer 1

What you need to do is try and support him and help him relax first. Maybe start out with a joint shower/bath, massage etc. Help him get in the mood and relax and then try sex. My hubby has also said that when he is tired and he knows I want him it puts a lot of pressure on him and it makes it hard (sorry for the pun) for him to perform!

It is natural to feel angry and depressed - but guys will only respond by pushing away as they feel that they are not good lovers and can't satisfy you. Take the pressure off, try my above suggestions and hopefully you will have a great night! (They worked for me!)

Answer 2

I think that maybe your husband really is tired. What kind of work is he into?? I have a friend who has a husband who is a nurse. The only thing is that her husband has 2 nursing jobs. So he only gets about 2 - 3 hours of sleep at night. Anywho she is always complaining to me that he is not sexual anymore and that she wants to leave him even though he is a good provider. And I keep telling her to cut him some slack because he works really hard and is really tired. So I say the same to you, cut him a little bit of slack if he is a provider and he is good to you. Also I think that you should try different things, where he will not be able to say no whether he is tired or not. Get some sex toys and things like that. Get him aroused to the point where he wont say no.

Answer 3

I am in a long term marriage and I can tell you that there are ups and downs in every area of the relationship. If the relationship is good in every other way I would suggest that he probably is just very tired, as he says. I would not say anything else negative to him! In fact, do not talk about it at all. Just do it! A tired man still wants sex with a willing partner. Are you a willing partner? I do not mean to tell him you wanna have sex....have sex. Be physically direct, but w/o pressure! Surely you know what he likes most! How about a really thorough bj? A few days of that and he will be much more relaxed. He needs to know that you wanna blow him, that you want to make him ***, that it excites you! Do not try to switch to ****ing, just the enjoyment of the bj! Don't talk sex, talk sexy! btw..I am the wife!

Answer 4

Some people's libidos are just different and some people being physical just isn't as important. It doesn't mean they don't love you. My husband is like that, and in fact, I've found that his way of showing love is completely different. Sex, for him, is just "fun". But when he's really stressed, the sex is the first thing to go.

What I'd suggest is

a) stop complaining about it. You're only putting more pressure on him and thus making it more likely that he won't do it at all. Unfortunately, it works the opposite way than what you intend.

And b) try doing little things to help ease his stress. Make him a special dinner, something he loves. Give him a massage, with absolutely no hopes of anything more coming out of it, BTW. Do it "free of charge". IOW, show him good ol' fashioned TLC and he might be more willing to give some in return. I've found my husband works that way. We also end up feeling closer, emotionally, and when he's stressed, he's more apt to let me in than shut me out.

Good luck. I know how you feel. It's a very very lonely feeling. But don't take it to heart. I doubt it has anything to do with you at all, hon.

Answer 5

I feel your pain my friend. My husband is 43 and we have sex maybe 2x a month. He complains that he's not as young as he used to be and at 43 no your not. It's very difficult being the women because we need to have some type of intercourse somewhat regular and when we have a husband that doesn't want to perform for various reasons then we are left out in the cold. One can only masturbate but so many times. We need to feel that penatration and warmth inside. Depression, anger, is what we feel at times because sex is a very important part of a marriage or relationship.
I hope your situation gets better as i do hope mine does as well. Lets pray for everyone that is in our shoes because it's not a good place to be in.

Good luck hun!

Answer 6

there comes a time in your lives that either the man or the women doesnt want sex i have experienced this on both parties myself then my husband so i no exactly what you are going through. with myself it was a problem with me doing long hours and its not that i didnt love my husband at all and then when it was on the other foot i then realised how he must of felt when i was going through with it. but honestly you need to be open about the situation and tell him exactly how you feel stress can relate to the problem also and not give him a erection dont feel it is your own doing but like i said do tell him how you feel. good luck

Answer 7

Put yourself in your husbands place. What if the tables were turned and it was you. No you shouldn't feel depressed. Maybe you guys should see a doctor for help. Don't just throw in the towel so fast cause it seems like you guys really love each other.
By you saying you are going to withhold sex is not helping the situation at all.

Answer 8

Your husband may suffer form inhibited sexual desire (ISD) which is illness characterized by a low level of sexual interest. The person with ISD fails to initiate or respond to their partner's desire for sexual activity.
His ISD most likely is secondary (where the person used to possess sexual desire, but no longer does).
SD is a very common sexual disorder. The most common cause of ISD seems to be relationship problems wherein one partner does not feel emotionally intimate or close to their mate.
Communication problems, lack of affection that is not associated with continuing into sexual intercourse, power struggles and conflicts, and a lack of time alone together are common factors.
Physical illnesses and some medications may also contribute to ISD. Hormone deficiencies may occasionally be implicated. Psychological conditions such as depression and excessive stress may inhibit sexual interest.
It may be useful to see Doctor and to check his testosterone level.
Sex is something that, for most couples, either bonds their relationship closer together, or something that becomes a wedge that gradually drives them apart. When one partner is significantly less interested in sex than their companion, and this has become a source of conflict and friction, it is recommended that professional help is needed before the relationship becomes further strained.

Answer 9

I have reverse of this problem! But if he is not ready, Check out for following things 1 Your physical appearance, 2.Tidiness of your house 3 Your relations with your in laws 4. Any another lady in his life( do not give undue importance 2 this) 5. Does he feel neglected. You can go thru' " THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES" - a book written on couple relations. One thing always remember, " NO MAN IS EVER TIRED TO HAVE SEX UNLESS HE IS ILL OR ON CERTAIN MEDICATIONS/ DRUGS"

Answer 10

I dont know how old you both are but I think this is unusual especially for a man, I have been with mine for 6.5 years and he cant get enough, I am the one that is always tired (so I feel for your husband) dont pressure him that only makes it worse. You may want to lay on his lap and massage him, eventually he may want to participate, if not dont get upset with him especially if he works hard. You might want to see if he has diabetes or any other condition, diabetics have a hard time with erections. Get him to bed earlier that may also help, most the time when my head hits the pillow I am out like a light and my poor boyfriend stays up all night wondering if he should attack me but if we get to bed earlier chances are better, Good luck!!