He drinks bout ever day sometimes til he passes out at the table. he tells me he is going to quit and slow down. When he drinks he gets mouthy and can say some mean things (never hits me) He will say how pretty other women look or how good they look in certain out fits. I just need some advice. I do love him alot
2006-08-28 15:18:04 · 10 answers · asked by Ozark American 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Al Anon.
Al-Anon.
Al-Anon.
Call 411 and find a group in your area. Attend at least one meeting a week for 6 weeks before you make a decision about whether or not you belong there. You don't have to say a word if you don't want to, just go to the meeting. Look it up online if you want to learn more, but I can tell you this much, it's not about changing the drunk you love (you CAN'T change other people), but about learning who you are. And it's certainly not about leaving him, either.
"Al-Anon offers understanding help; support to families and friends of problem drinkers. Our program is adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous and is based upon the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions and Twelve Concepts of Service."
(And you can't get him to AA! Only he can do that.)
2006-08-28 15:27:30 · answer #1 · answered by LazlaHollyfeld 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well it's obvious he's got a drinking problem, but I think the bigger problem is what are you going to do about it. It's not easy. And lots of times alcoholics don't believe their alcoholics, so getting them to AA isn't as easy as it seems. A lady I worked with a few years back had a similiar problem only she took matters into her own hands. She called her husband's doctor and asked him if it was okay for him to be taking St. John's Wart, when she got the go ahead, she went and purchased some. Within a week, she noticed his demeanor change. Her husband stopped with the insults, rude remarks and was alot more pleasant, but still drinking. In a magazine she read about this pill you could put in an alcoholics drink to make them ill. And that was her next step. She went back to his doctor and asked if he could have that too. He said okay, but he wouldn't prescribe it for her and she had to get it off line(which I still don't agree with), but she got it and after two days, her husband thought he was coming down with something because he got so sick from the alcohol that he actually went to his doctor and from there it snow balled into him having to face facts about what the drinking is doing to his life. That's when he finally agreed to go to AA. It's been five years, although it was an unconventional approach, the results were the same for her.
If you love this man, and you've tried more practical things first that have failed, I can't see how this would hurt. I wish you luck, and please remember, that when he says these things about other women, it's the alcohol talking, not him honey.
2006-08-28 22:35:44 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it takes a significant decision point to achieve change... not an ultimatum, but just lay it on the line sometime when he's not been drinking. Here is how I feel, how much you hurt me when you drink, etc. It's not about him, but rather about what it does to you. If he's sensitive at all, his response should be positive.
Tough situation, I realize, but my wife and I reached the same point. It turned out to be a very stressful job that had made me caustic in my personal life as well. I quit and we're significantly happier now.
Good luck.
2006-08-28 22:29:34 · answer #3 · answered by Ketel One Up 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There must be a type of dissatisfaction that he is dealing with. I would start off trying to get him to do other things ( maybe redecorate a room together, go on short day trips together, other things that will keep him busy)...Maybe let him know it is okay to drink once in a while by drinking with him a little when you go out. Get him more involved with you and your life.
If this doesn't work, he needs to seek help because you don't want to see him get any worse and do something stupid.
GOOD luck
2006-08-28 22:30:09 · answer #4 · answered by Samster 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check your yellow pages, or community calendar in the newspaper, find an alcoholics anonymous club, ask to buy a copy of the "Big Book". You can read it yourself, especially chapter 8. Don't force it on him, but you might leave it lying around. While you are at it try to find an AlAnon group for yourself. Be patient he is suffering from a disease, but he can only get better when he decides it is time.
Good Luck
2006-08-28 22:33:03 · answer #5 · answered by Unknown Oscillator 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess the first thing you have to know and I'm sure you already know this, but you can't make him stop. Only he can do that.
If you choose to stay with him maybe try to find a support group for families of alcoholics. You will need support.
Good luck!
2006-08-28 22:28:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get all the help you can get, alcoholism is not an easy illness to deal with. After the "saying mean things" it is very likely that other type of abuses will come. Please be very careful.
2006-08-28 22:28:48 · answer #7 · answered by Galaxywayouthere 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is an alcoholic. Nothing will change until he admits he has a problem. Don't be an enabler.
2006-08-28 22:27:27 · answer #8 · answered by lavenderroseford 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my ex husand was the same way with me, it got to the point where he even drank at work come home from work or even if he did. but i also found out that you can't be the one to change him i tried and tried but nothing worked. he needs to think about whats it doing to your relationship
2006-08-28 22:34:28 · answer #9 · answered by bubs_kangaroo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get him to AA. NOW!!! If he loves you, he will go!
2006-08-28 22:25:45 · answer #10 · answered by Mom of One in Wisconsin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋