How do i move on?

Question

I thought i had met the man of my dreams, romantic, caring, always complimenting me. As perfect as they come as to why i married him, but reluctantly because this was my third marriage, other two ending in husbands having affairs.
He left me 6 months ago and insisted we needed time apart but that we should date and try to resolve our problems. I learned today that he started cheating on me after only 2 years, with his ex-wife. I have loved no other as I do him and im miserable. I was just so blindsided, no idea it was happening. He and his ex have a son together also. Anyways he's already dumped her and seeing someone on-line. He always talked of how he had such old fashion values as i do and how cheating was so horrible.
I learned this from a friend of his. I dont have a clue how to begin to heal, I always thought he was my soul-mate. How do I move on......Is it something im doing?

Answer 1

I know this hurts so bad and every breath hurts when you long for someone you love so deeply. i cant say ive been married but i knw what its like to be so torn by someone you trusted and loved with every inch of your being. and i knw what it feels like to be cheated on. and to only find out later once you feel so blind. and i knw what it feels like for someone to go crawling back to an ex. but pls, if theres one thing you MUST do- never never never doubt yourself. i heard this saying amidst a very bad break up once; "doubt whom you will, but never yourself." these guys had the problem, not you!! they were the cowards who lied and cheated. you didn't cheat- you already seem so strong to me. you gonna pull through this. but pls, pls dont ever let their actions determine your worth or what you feel about yourself.

Answer 2

That's a very complex question. I think of marriages like the first one is a mistake. The second was a fling. The third and after you have become a "stepping stone" for others. If this is your third marriage I would suggest that you need to become somewhat more self centered in your view toward another.

It's hard to comment on relationships like this because of how intertwined the interchange becomes. Then after 2 years, and with the infidelity that you've reported, I would say your best option to letting would be a complete split. Move him out or you move out immediately, if that hasn't already happened. Separate the finances at the earliest possible opportunity. File divorce papers as soon as possible. Get a new cell number and do not communicate with the ex.

Reach out to your friends for help and support. Look to you close friends to help you out with your emotional issues.

Maintain an over all belief that you will do better in life without the ex. Know that you will eventually find someone who will be the person you deserve. When you find them be sure to treat them in that manner....

Answer 3

Tammy dear, this too shall pass. That seems trite, I know, but just remember you also thought your other two husbands were "the one."
Something you are doing is allowing yourself to feel responsible for the infidelity of someone else. Something else you are doing is looking for completeness in a man. It won't happen honey. You need to take time to get to know yourself. That may take *gasp* years!
Want to expedite the process? See a counselor. Not that anything is "wrong" with you, but a clinical social worker or other therapist may help you delve into yourself and see why you keep picking the rotten apples in the barrel. It has been said that we look for the familiar. There is something you are just not seeing when you select a mate or something you are trying to learn that you just aren't learning. We all want love and we want it RIGHT NOW. Perhaps you are rushing into these relationships.

I am recovering from the betrayal of "the one" in my life too. I am determined to take my time to heal although the temptation to yell, "NEXT!" is great, since I am in mid-life. I dread the notion that gravity will start taking over my figure or I might not enjoy being with someone if I wait too much longer, or the best years of my life may be spent alone. You know what? Alone doesn't necessarily have to mean lonely. If you learn to be better company for yourself, you won't mind being by yourself; for a while.

How do you move on? Just KEEP MOVING! Dress up, get out, do things, read self improvement books, circle up the wagons (that means call your girlfriends) get a pedicure, exercise, make a gourmet meal and set the table just for one special person--YOU!
Guess what? I attract younger men all the time. I don't dress like a hoochie mama or like a grandma either. My taste has always been conservative (mama was right about that one!) I seriously attracted a 26 year old a few months back. He said he thought I was 31-- at the most! See what I mean? It is all about your attitude. Whenever this happens I feel a boost for days! I don't have to take the offer, but it is nice and affirming to get them.
SO...
Get beautiful every day just for yourself. Take time to get to know yourself. Pray and listen to the spirit of God within you. He will not leave you comfortless.

Answer 4

It's definitely going to be hard. I think the best way to move on is to think for yourself first for a change. You need self respect. You need to value your life. Work on your self esteem. Take classes, go on trips, make NEW friends. Do things you normally wouldn't do. Shake things up a little. When I had a 9 yr relationship fail....instead of moping and waiting for him to come back (as I did 2 times before)....I got busy with things. In the past, if a work friend would ask me to hang out after work for drinks--I never did. I always took off to go home--to be with my guy. The next time someone asked, I did. Next thing I knew, I was going on mini-trips, had a new circle of friends, having a GREAT TIME....and met my husband. I think we attract people by who we are, what we are doing, how we are feeling, confidance....etc. My husband is completely opposite of my ex. We are extremely compatible. I have been married 5 yrs....3 kids now. Good luck. And don't rush into marriage again!

Answer 5

Wow. I am going through almost the exact same thing.
I feel like that there are no such thing as soulmates anymore.
The most important thing for you right now is to stay distracted as much as possible. Work more hours, hang out with friends, go to the movies. STAY BUSY! Take down any pictures or reminders of him. get rid of gifts and jewlrey. Put it all in a box and give it to someone you trust to keep it away from you.
Now for the hard part Take time to heal, do not contact him anymore, and decide that you deserve better than to be treated this way.
I treated my wife with love, honesty, respect, affection, and loaded her with compliments too. She was bi-polar and tried to make me hate her. When I showed her that I was going to stick by her she told me to leave and said she was seeing someone else. I was in shock. I HAD to move on. I HAD to tell myself that i deserved better.
If you want to discuss this futher I don't mind. shoot me a message.

Answer 6

Other than picking sorry men to be with, there is nothing you are doing wrong. Is he anything like your previous? Try to make sure that you do not repeat a pattern. I am on my 3rd marriage, and my wife is nothing like my last. I was married for 9+ years and when it was over I felt like a failure also. You just have to give it time, I am not saying it is easy......because it is not. Best of luck. God Bless.

And Andrea this is not a Male vs Female thing, I was done wrong by my ex and you do not hear me bashing women. You have to let that attitude go and realize there are bad people on both sides of the gender line. Find someone with your values (truly) and you will find happiness.

Answer 7

Moving on will definitly be hard. But you have to remember that obviously this man doesnt have the same values as you. He was a jerk and he didnt take your marriage seriously. You sound like a decent person and you deserve somebody who appreciates that. The only thing you did wrong was trust a male like most woman do. Time heals everything. Things will get better day by day. Good luck.

Answer 8

Given time, you will heal whether you do something or not. This may not make much sense but you are not responsible, in the sense that you caused it, for the fact that he turned out to be a cheating scumbag. The flaw is in his character, not yours. Although you are hurting now, I think the toughest challenge is to not let this experience make you jaded. You also should strive not to blame the next guy, and there will be a next one, with the sins of the last one.

Answer 9

Put it in your mind that you are a woman with a life that can be better that you are a sweet person and there is a guy out there that will treat you with the love and respect that you deserve and will lighten your day every moment, How to move on pack the bags get in the car and drive away from him!

Answer 10

YOU move on easily -- and do it now. As far as beginning to heal -- YOU need to be comfortable with YOUR own SELF first before you can even think of trying to enter another relationship (by the way -- you need to question your relationships so far -- were they very quick after the previous divorce -- did you spend any time alone learning how to live INDEPENDENTLY and confidently and being comfortable with yourself or did you just rebound and marry, then divorce, rebound, remarry ... etc)