Should I buy my fiance a 1.5 carat ring for our wedding though we can't afford it?

Question

Heated argument, I think $25,000 is an insane amount of money to spend on a ring, she says she's going to wear it for the rest of her life and wants an heirloom she can pass to her children.

Answer 1

no

Answer 2

Any woman who insists on a big ring has the wrong priorities - I would have married my husband with no ring at all - if she wants something to pass on to her children, how about a more reasonable ring that is unique OR can she use her mother's or grandmother's ring (which I did) and then she already has a family heirloom!

If you are going to spend $25,000 on something, make it a down payment on a house. This is the more adult, responsible thing to do. And it says a lot more about your commitment to each other than a ring.

Start you life out on the right track - and going $25k in the hole for a ring is NOT the right thing to do. Be smart - it's okay to feel emotional about your marriage, but don't be stupid.

P.S. My husband's advice is RUN - and my other advice is make her a deal - you can do the $25k for the 10 or 15 year anniversary.

Answer 3

If you can't afford the ring you / she'd like maybe you should be asking some more important questions like: Is she marrying the ring, your money or you?
2. Her children, when they get the ring, will appreciate it no matter the size because it means their parents loved each other enough to commit to each other for the rest of their lives.
3. Do you really want to marry someone so vain that the level of commitment needs to be bragged about with the use of an oversized ring?
4. If she has any kind of job, it will get in the way.
5. Speaking as a married woman, soon the newest dishwasher, tiled flooring, stackable laundry set and lawn mower will become way more important than the size of her ring.
6. One last thing, you proposed without a ring? If you'd already had the ring she wouldn't be asking for one at all.

Answer 4

An interesting portion of a show on television yesterday talked about the very question you ask. People on the street looked at the reporters' small ring and rings larger than 1.5 carat. The men who responded answered that the bigger the ring, the less kind words for the woman! You wouldn't want that. Think about it...what do you think when you see a woman with a big ring?

Personally, if you can't afford it, don't buy it! If the love you have for her is built on material things...I hate to see the question you will post here in less than 3 years!

Answer 5

Dude, a ring is everything to a female and it is a status thing. No matter what ever these female say on this board. If they did not get one it only means one thing, they could not afford it or there hubby went cheap on them. My wife's ring is over 2 1/2 carrots and the quality is on the higher end of the diamond chart. Your $25,000 is a bit pricey, I suggest you shop around, also stay away from some of those bull **** mall stores. The quality is bad and they overprice there diamonds

Sorry, I missed the part where you could not afford it, maybe the two of you should wait till your making some real money.
To be married you have a responsibility to provide, if you cant provide you should not be married.

Answer 6

It sounds to me as though she's more interested in having something to brag about than to have something she can pass down through the generations of your family. Heirlooms are most often gifts from the heart and have emotional value. Case in point: My great grandfather worked at a steal pipe co. When he wanted to propose to my great grandmother, he made the ring. He brought home several size pipes and told her some foolish excuse to put them on her fingers to find the right size. This ring was carved with three hearts, two sets of tiny x's and o's and his name was engraved on the inside. It cost him nothing, but it's worth more to our family than a million times it's weight in gold. The idea is that, back then, there was no extra money for such things, yet it didn't stop him from professing his love to her.

Marriage isn't about the size of the ring, the number of guests at a wedding, or the length of the train on her dress. Marriage is about a committment between two people to love each other in sickness and in health, richer or poorer. Think about that. And think hard honey, because if she's acting this way about a ring that suppose to begin your life together, it's just a taste of what the rest of your life is going to consist of. I can see it now "I want a bigger house", "I want a newer car", I want, I want, I want. Marriage is give and take, and if you don't take a stand, she'll never know that. It might help to have her read a few of these responses.

Urge her to get a ring you can afford now, in time, for anniversaries, if it's still an issue, then maybe upgrade....but to start off this way? I can't see it honey. My great grandmother wore a pipe on her finger till the day she died. Did she ever question it? No, it was a gift of love from the man she spent her entire life with. Isn't that what this is suppose to be about? Love?

I sincerely wish you the best of luck with this lady....you are going to need it!

Answer 7

Firstly, dont give up on the idea of pleasing your future wife. It will be a good start to your married life, and then again it may be a set up.
Secondly, shop and find a wholesaler that can give you a size and quality stone for less money than in a retail store. Try Landau Ideal Diamonds in Los Angeles, http://landauideal.com/
Finally, if you decide to buy a big diamond and it may be considered a gift and/or separate property which means if you divorce she could keep the so called "investment" without deduction from your community property. As a divorce mediator I see people fighting over this issue all the time. So if you are going to spend big money enter into some kind of written agreement that if the marriage goes South, you get it back!! Good luck.

Answer 8

No, you shouldn't. You can't start out your life together in that much debt. If the ring she wants is that much, how much is the dress she wants? It'll never stop. Think about this. She can have a $1,000 ring or even cheaper to wear for the rest of her life and pass on as an heirloom. The cost doesn't give it more sentimental value, only more resale value. I have an heirloom ring from my grandmother and it doesn't look like it cost more than 10 dollars. But I wore it anyway because of who it belonged to.

Answer 9

NO, you should not do that. She needs to understand that you have to be able to afford the things you buy. Compromise is a big part of marriage and she should do that now, but so should you. It is important to her as she equates this token with how much you love her, so find something in the middle and suggest that maybe for your 5th anniversary or whatever, that she can upgrade her diamond to a bigger one if you are able to afford it then. The thing is, you should not start your life together being in debt over a ring. If you give in to this, she will expect you to give in to buying other things you can not afford, like a big fancy house etc. I could go on and on. Explain to her that if you put all your money into a ring, then it will take you guys alot longer to be able to afford a nice house and start your family (assuming you both want to have one) etc. And what about vacations? All those things will have to be put on hold until that diamond is paid for, which could take many years.....

Answer 10

Why not buy a house and hand that down to your children .. and what sort of diamond 1.5 costs 25,000 bucks ? I live in Beverly Hills and shop at Tiffany's. A nice 1 carat diamond (unset) costs about 5000 dollars. A setting (simple one) maybe two hundred.. but still the answer is no!! And I almost forgot to mention, she shouldn't be asking (read begging) for a ring, that's your decision as to the purchase of a ring or not.

Answer 11

No! She clearly does not have her priorities straight and this is NOT a sign of someone who is mature enough to enter into a lifelong committment. You need to look at this issue very seriously and decide if now is the time to promise the rest of your life to someone who is not able to make a simple, easy and rational decision (such as NOT spending the average person's yearly salary on a piece of jewelry). There will be a time when you can afford diamonds. When that time comes, you will be able to do better than a 1.5 carat. In the meantime, I suggest you think about a decorative ring w/no stones.