My fiance wants to stop having sex until we're married. Now what?

Question

My fiance and I have been engaged for 4 months -- have dated for 10 months. During this time, we've had a very active and fulfilling sex life. Last week, he suggested that we stop having sex until we get married. We have not set a wedding date, and we likely won't get married for at least another year. He suddenly says that he's having "religious belief" conflicts with it -- coupled with a previous marriage of 14 years (divorce final 11 months ago) where the sex life became the only functional element. What should I do?

Answer 1

get some good mags. You are in for the long haul.

Answer 2

Well, I guess if you really love and respect him, you'll love and respect his wishes too. It may truly be possible he is having religious belief conflicts. However, if you feel like this isn't the truth or you have some other reason not to believe him, then it could be your gut trying to tell you something. I don't want to put ideas in your head, but you never know. You might want to see if he really is getting all religious all of a sudden or if there may be another reason behind his no-sex policy (perhaps another woman?) Or perhaps his divorce where the only thing functional within it was the sex scared him. It's best to figure out things like this before the marriage happens because you don't want to invest so much in something that may not hold up. Maybe you should try couples counseling. Good luck!

Answer 3

Do you love this person? Then stop with the sex! Where is the respect? And if he has a religious conflict....then find out what this conflict is!

Also, some faith groups do follow scripture and unless there is an annulment, (not really a marriage), then that person is free to marry. For example, if a person was "forced" or immature in getting into a marriage, perhaps this was never a marriage, even if there are children! Find some books at Amazon on the annulment process and get the answers you need to have!

Hope I was able to help you. Yes, you deserve to have a blessed marriage...and why not find someone who is pure of heart and save yourself heartaches!

Answer 4

Your fiance is wise. I know from my own experience that sex is much better when there's no guilt in the way. You may not be having an "religious belief" issues, but if he is he won't be able to fully enjoy sex with you. If you love him, and if there's more to your relationship than sex (which is what he really hopes for), you can make this sacrifice for him.

That said, it's perfectly appropriate for you to insist on knowing how long you'll be making this sacrifice. You need to tell him that you'll do this for him, but that the two of you must set a wedding date soon (as in, within a month or two). It's called compromise -- if he can't do it now, he won't do it after you're married.

Answer 5

I think it will be very hard for you to abstain! However I think it is a good idea! I am married for 9 years now! I am a Christian, so I think it is best to wait! i wish I had waited on my husband! But i did not! I think you should try to wait! I repented and ask GOD to help me! It was hard! Sex is a very important part ot a marriage! But just like anything you have to work at it everyday! You cant go a week and not feed your animals! You must treat your sex life very important! After 8 years of being married the 8th year was hard for us in that dept! We are in college and have 4 kids! So we sort of neglected that area! We have to just work at it! Make time! Have a date! Then too My husband kisses me and holds me all the time! You cant stop having that time!

Answer 6

I think your fiance probably has another better angel in his world he wants to be with. According to " we likely won't get married for at least another year ", I assume he likes to see other woman rather than facing the old one everyday during this time. Another fact, you guys have been together for too long (14 months?). He is saying "religious belief" to you just to make you feel better.

What you should do is try to inspect everything he does to find out the suspision.

Answer 7

Well can't you refrain. Sex is not everything. It is a very short session compared to the other 23 1/2 hours left in a day, what do you do then? Take is easy you will live, it is a drive, not a necessary task that has to be done all the time! You will live.

Answer 8

That is completely between you guys. If you really love him, you wouldn't need sex to stay together. But at the same time, if you guys had an active sex life before then it sounds to me like hes got some issues. I'm totally up in the air about this one.

Answer 9

Sounds like he either is bored, and will likely change his mind suddenly in a month or two, OR he is making preemptive attempts to break up with you. Maybe he found someone else?

After 10 months of being with you, AND a previous marriage, I don't buy the religion excuse!

Answer 10

Now which you have already had intercourse he might get the thought which you're cheating and characteristic extra doubts approximately your relationship . i think of you certainly might desire to sit down down and characteristic some solid severe communication approximately your destiny and now's as solid a time as any genuine? i think of if he's waiting for each little subject to be suited and hunky dory till now marriage then it truly is not going to take place. i think of with conserving intercourse might desire to easily be used if he does not come to a concrete end after a severe heart to heart talk approximately this , then specific do it . He has a duty to this baby additionally although that's no longer the factor i'm conversing of it truly is truly component of the image , it style of feels he's substitute into too gentle with issues as they are and you have each genuine to pick extra and characteristic a faithful kinfolk relationship . talk it over and enable him recognize this uncertainty is hampering your stunning outlook for the two one among you and marriage might make you the two sense extra shield and ideal for the baby. solid good fortune to you , wish all is going properly for you !

Answer 11

I don't see in the point of stopping now. Stopping won't make him a virgin again. I really do not believe in that 'born again virgin' stuff, its a load of crap. If you want to marry him, I guess abide by it. But I don't understand his current guilt about having sex before marriage. He can't do anything about it now. Just talk it over with him. Sex shouldn't be the basis of a relationship, and I'm sure it isn't in yours, but still talk it over with him about why he thinks you two should not continue with physical relations until marriage.