Is having kids all that it is cracked up to be..?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6.5 yrs and I would really like to have kids but my boyfriend is totally against it. We have a wonderful relationship, we both ride motorcycles and go alot of places and really enjoy life, he thinks having kids will stop all that. I really enjoy what we do and dont want to loose him, although periodically I get very depressed that I havent had any kids and I feel an emptiness. Will I be resentful later, I already do get upset when I see other couples with baby BUT NOT ALL THE TIME, I feel rejected by him, or should I just be happy with the life I have and just live with the fact we are not going to have kids.

I am 40 him 44 and I didnt want to get married because I didnt think it was necessary unless we had kids. and we both own our own homes, have good jobs, etc. so are financially very capable of doing it.

Answer 1

I'm 41 and I have a 10 year old daughter. I have an EXTREMELY active lifestyle and she has NEVER HINDERED it in any way!!!! (The only good thing that ever came of my first marriage was my child.) My fiance bought a side car for his Harley and we take my daughter when we want to all ride together.

For someone who thinks they want children...nothing else will ever satisfy them until they do...and nothing else should. I hate to say this, but if you're not on the same page as far as children go, it'll never work. One of you is always going to be compromising and resentful. I had a very good friend (male) who got engaged to his girlfriend (about 10 years younger than he) after dating for about 2 years. The two proceeded to continue their relationship in that way (engaged) for 10 years! Eventually he came home one day having come to the big decision...he was ready to get married! Lo and behold, she said, "Forget it now." She had found someone else who already had children and that was where she wanted to be. She married him less than a year later. She was already over 40 and felt like she'd missed her time to have children of her own by then, so she compromised by sharing his. I think they both knew all along that it would end up that way, but neither could break it off. Ten years is a long time to spend in your life when you feel like your biological clock is ticking. If he's truly dead-set against children, I hate to say it, but I'm afraid you'll never be completely happy. Incidentally, I have another friend who's 38, who is in almost the same boat right now, also. She has been dating her bf for about a year and is struggling with splitting up with him because she so desperately wants a child. I know how hard it is to take that step, but maybe it's time to move on. There is someone out there who'd likely be just as good to you and share your goal of children as well. I hope everything works out for the best for you.

Answer 2

I have 2 children. Both are in college now. I personally can say they have taught me more in life than I could ever have learned without them. I am a better person all around. I can see your b/f side also. Kids are a full time job and they do require care 24/7. Mine 21 and 19 still need my assistance in different ways than when they were younger and although my freedom has opened up somewhat than what it use to be, I wouldnt change a thing if I had the opportunity to go back and change things. I can understand your concern, but you and him must make the decision together. Some people are inclined to have children while others are not. That decision is up to you and him. Your lifestyle will change somewhat if you have children, the things you do enjoy spontaneously now would have to be a planned event. Good luck.

Answer 3

Honey, you need to get married before you even start bringing kids into the picture. It sounds as if you are both young, so take your time. Eventually the two of you will settle down and then he'll start considering the idea of passing along his genes, until then, enjoy the freedom, because when the kids come, it's no longer about you and him, it's about them. And you'd be amazed at how many needs they have!

You also said something in your question that sort of threw up a red flag for me. You stated that you don't want to lose him and you feel rejected by him. Having kids won't secure that future you're dreaming of especially if he doesn't want them, chances are, it'll only drive him away leaving you and the babies behind. Pace yourself sweetie...work on the relationship first, get married if he's the one and then start planning a family. A strong family needs a good foundation to last any kind of storm. You don't want to start putting on additions (children) if the basement is crumbling.

Answer 4

I don't want to bring you down, but kids are honestly a wonderful added addition to a relationship. Yes, it is hard to raise them, always wondering if your doing a good job. But just knowing that you and your partner has brought just joy to the world, is a great feeling. You will always wonder what it is like to have kids of your own. It is in your nature. No one can take that right from you. Even though you love him, you will one day resent him, because you have waited for something that you will never have. You have to honestly think about what you want more. Even if that means giving up. You don't ever want to regret something like not having children

Answer 5

The problem you have to face is if you feel the instinct to become a mother, this will only increase with time. Having a baby needs to be something you both want to do whole-heartedly or else it will cause resentment and arguements in the relationship. Unfortunately, if you want to have a baby, you may have to end this current relatonship and find a man who wants a family. Good luck!

Answer 6

Well, first of all you guys have different priorities in life. And to be happy you either have to learn to compromise or accept.

I know LOTS of people with kids who ride. The kids don't stop them. Actually, when the kids get old enough they take them out with them.

If you feel even a little resentful now, chances are it will grow as you get older with him.

This is your life, and your choice to make, though.

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If God intended for us to have kids only after we were married, we wouldn't be fertile till after we had that ring on our finger. But at 40 I would be careful having kids. It can be dangerous to you and the child may be at risk for things like downs syndrome. But like I said, it's your decision to make.

Answer 7

I still don't have kids. I think I might want them someday - but they are expensive. My friend who has kids always has one of them hanging off her body at all times and their already school aged. When you have kids you are pretty much stuck at home all day taking care of them - and if you go anywhere you have to deal with those car seats... Then there is the fighting, bickering and "don't touch me!".
You're whole life will change. You will always be thinking of the baby 24/7.
I still think I'll have kids someday...first we have to own a house and be able to live off of one income. WHen that happens we will probably have kids.

Answer 8

Having toddlers is the ideal, i don't recognize how I lived devoid of them before I had them. they offer unconditional love, they are possibility free, i respect observing them improve up, they are my existence. i'm depressing all day even as they are in college because I miss them even as they get domicile we do homework, playgames, eat dinner and communicate about their day. Having toddlers isn't for each body. when you're literally unlikely to be all in favour of their existence and spend all a even as with them then don't have any. there is not something worse then an skipped over toddler.

Answer 9

Having kids will not stop all of that. They have great little ridem buggies that attach to the side of motorbikes. Don't know what they are called exactly. I know a couple who have two children and see them, everyday on their bikes with them in tow.

Of course when you children are newborns you may be slowed a bit, but I promise you there is nothing more worth it! It's for such a short time. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. They have taught me so much about myself as well.

Good luck!

Answer 10

First you do not have kids with a boyfriend, he should be your husband. And if you do change his mind Ha! Shocker. Forget about the bikes and traveling for some time. Sex goes out the door too. Go in one of those mommy chat lines, all about the baby.. I agree with your boyfriend and if I were him I'd be careful you don't suddenly find yourself with child..he better wrap his chubby just in case.