How do I get my husband to understand why I am not horney?

Question

I have been married for 7 years today,our only fight is about sex! He wants it all the time and I don't. We have 2 kids,one 4 year old who is hyper and needs my attention 24 hours a day and even wakes up 3 times a night! and a 7 year old with a syndrom thats puts alot of daily stress on me. Also my husband is gone out of town working all the time. I do everything with the kids and the house.When he comes home I am happy to see him but only because I can go to the grocery store without taking the kids!!! and at bedtime..i just wanna look at the back of my eyelids! He just can't seem to get why I am so tired,and why I am not wanting sex.

We do have sex at least 1 a week and sometimes twice a week. He is not deprived at all. He wants me to want him again like I did when we first meet,only thing is he is not getting that when we first meet,I did not have 2 kids and a house to take care of all by myself. And his constent bugging me about sex is makeing me pull away and resent him as even when he is home he still does nothing to help me out,I have tried to tell him about my day and he just turns it around to his day and mine could not have been so bad compared to his.He just is not listening. And he says things like "we should have never had kids" but he says it pertaning to my sex drive!

Answer 1

I think you need to tell him you need a hug...a big kiss and more sleep. I think if you tell him you still think he is sexy but you are not feeling in the mood as your energy level is so low....he needs to feel you still would if you could - so he does not get discouraged. I would try to make a date for one day in the month to try to get things away to be just the two of you. Candle dinner or something..... do a date... have him work for it a bit....

I think the conversation needs to be with him that you want to work this out so you both live happy together.

Answer 2

If you are with the kids all the time, it can get very stressful and very tiring. You need to tell your husband that you need a day off, maybe a day that he will be coming home on, only doesn't come home, you meet at a hotel and get down right naughty!

You'd have the whole day to yourself to get rest and ready for the occasion! It doesn't hurt for mom's to have a day off, it's ok to let the kids stay with a sister or brother or grandparents.

You guys need time to yourselves, otherwise you are going to start resenting each other. Raising kids is one of the hardest jobs there is....

I have twins 4 so I know exactly what you are talking about.....but we find time to get away, even if it is once a month, the only problem I have then is being tired from having *e* all night! But that is definately worth it being able to spend time with my man. We talk and we enjoy each other physically and mentally!

Answer 3

I am not expert in marriage or relationships, but i remember a TV prog where a couple had differing sexual requirements and they had two fridge magnets ... each partner would set there own level on the fridge door indicating their level of sexual arrousal at that time . If both the magents at the bottom, this meant that neither partner had a need for sex... and anyway when the magnets were about in the middle that meant both partners has a similar level in there sexual needs.

I think you need to tell your husband what you said above... and get him to understand how much hard work you do during the day aswell..

All the best

Answer 4

I can't feel sorry for you. I understand that you are tired as alot of us are but your husband has needs too. Not giving him any may cause him to get it else where. And where does that leave you? Stuck in the house taking care of the kids and NO time for you. You need to find someone who will take the kids even for a couple hours. When he comes home from being away you should cook him his fav foods. Have candle light dinner and then give him desert. I know it seems like asking for alot but it is something that has to be done to keep family together. My sister did the same thing and actually pushed her husband away. Now she is kicking herself in the a** for doing so.

Answer 5

I know exactly what you are talking about, my ex husband was the same. I had 3 children, I use to get up at 4 to go to work and I was tired. He was a lazy cow. I did everything including mowing the lawns, housework, looked after the kids etc. Like you I had no time to myself.
Besides that after my 3rd child, I was not interested in sex. Apparently this is quite common in woman after having children. Unfortuanately men do not understand, all they think with is their old fellow not their brain.
Do not give in if you do not want it, you have choices too.

Answer 6

hey
i am a home maker too! I would like to know if you have an outlet of stay at home moms in your area. sometime the best friend a mom can have, is another mom! With the moms groups your fellow mom will let you drop of your kids and vise versa when she needs you, giving your 4year old some kid time and giving you a great outlet and ear from some one who truly gets it! That way when your husband gets home you wont be soo tired. also you might want to chat with him about dates, you might have to put some effort in it, like planning, he shows up and offers some much needed company! I have found this website for stay at home moms they usually have activities for the kids and field trips and some quality time for mom! i looked on it and even found the local club in my neighborhood!
Good Luck

Answer 7

My husband and I, from the first day we married, was to strive for open communication. We learned to respect our differences. When he is more in the mood than I am AND I am tired, I ask him what I need from him for me to get in the mood. And 9 times out of ten it works for us. When there are times one or the other is not in the mood, we accept it. Sexual pleasure is about the other person, it is not always about us. At the beginning I felt it was an obligation and expected. When I communicated this to my husband it suprised him. He assured me that he would not force me into making love if I was not in the mood. This helped me greatly and I felt respected and loved. The Dr. Phil website was a great help too! I hope this helps you.

Answer 8

i totally understand being to tired for sex. many young people don't get it, but life takes a lot of energy out of you. it is important in a relationship, especially a marriage, to show affection and touch, be touched and to be intimate. men, well they need sex. I'm not sure why. its kinda of unexplainable. men and women are different in that way. women need to be nurtured and understood.

you both are wrapped up in everyday hoopla. forgetting what you originally got together in the first place, before the kids and the marriage. you both definitely need to try to get away from the kids for a couple of stress free days and try not to bicker about your current life and try to connect again.

i don't want to make an early judgment on your man, but men will go elsewhere if rejected enough. I'm not trying to force you into having sex, but i mean its only going to be for a hour or less. can you not muster up one hour per week?

Answer 9

most men figure we can just lay there and let them do the work lol..

You should hire a sitter the day he is coming back and take a brake..it is hard to remember at times that you are not just a mom. You are a women first.. Take care of your self and relax more then the sex thing won't be such a problem.

Answer 10

What u need to do is devide your time. Yeah i know kids take up a lot of your time but u got to satisfy daddy too and be happy yourself. You all should try taking turns seeing about the kids so u won't be so restless. So then everyone would be happy. Daddy have relations with mommy, mommy and daddy see about the kids, and u get rest.