I've been married for 5 years, to a wonderful man, i left for college, thinking it would have benieted our income, we have 2 kids. at the time my husband was ok with it, but after that, our marriage just ended, without reason. He is in the Army, and is heading to iraq, and i have been trying desepartley to get him back, he's been talking to a girl online, that is a college student, and she has been talking to him about our marriage, and is trying to get us back together, but he is starting to lust after her, but she is trying to make him see things, and how a marriage, is never lost etc. He is going to be home next month, but doesn't want to see me, but i really want to see him, and talk to him. i want my husband back, how can i do this? and what do i say to him? I love him so much, and i don't want to lose him forever.
2006-08-28 13:53:06 · 12 answers · asked by sassy_colegirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi
First you should never have someone else intervening on your marriage unless they are a professional. I am confused why you have another girl which it seems you know who it is talking with him. You are a grown woman and he doesn't need to be convinced by any other woman how sacred his marriage is and how wonderful of a woman you are to wait for him while he is away.
Right now your husband is having his cake and eating too. Stop all conversations. This other woman and yours. And don't respond to his emails or phone calls. Just go one with what you have been doing. Show him, that you are NOT a doormat and not someone to be mistreated. Show him that the door can easily be closed on your side as well.
I know it will not be easy to do...you long for the man you love. But sometimes you have to give tough love and remember fight your own battles. Finally, if he doesn't want you anymore...than guess what you too can move on with your life as well. He doesn't need choose here...he needs to wake up. And right now he is sleeping and couldn't care less about you.
Go take care of your. Get your nails done, go to the hair salon, get a massage, and go out and be beautiful as you are. If he is worthy he will realize how wrong he was and come back to you. If not...don't look back and never regret.
Take care and G-d Bless
K
2006-08-28 14:03:58 · answer #1 · answered by kaiynasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOu are leaving a lot out. No marriage ends without reason.
I dont' get why you are so heartbroken and he is so indifferent towards you. You were married for five years with two kids, did you never talk? What happened? Was the relationship just severely neglected because of your school work? Well, then it should be no wonder it ended. I think it sounds dumb that you got another girl involved to talk to him for you. that's inviting trouble and a third party into your intimate relationship--any man would latch on to that for a hopeful sympathy F**k.
I think you have been foolish in your relationship and continue to be. You should read some self help books about relationships, and hope you gain some wisdom....
2006-08-28 15:07:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seems to me that your leaving a few things out. But I cant understand why you thought leaving your husband to go to college would benefit your marraige in the first place. Could have done home study or what ever you have there. Where were the kids when this was happening.
As to getting back together, if he doesnt want it your better off not going there, youll only end up even more unhappy. Unfortunatley these days people give up on their marraiges too easily, but if he doesnt want to continue it then, there is no point. Youll end up causing yourself more pain.
2006-08-28 14:19:25 · answer #3 · answered by Jack J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would resent the hell out of any woman talking to my husband about our marriage. She's just trying to make him think she's a sweet, understanding little thing. She's after him. Tell him to at least talk to you for the sake of the kids. Then be patient. He makes a mistake trusting this other woman. But, that's what human beings do. Maybe you should show him some of these answers, particularly this one.
2006-08-28 14:02:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell the girl to cut ties with him even by trying to help she has put temptation there and when they talk it's there. as for him you can't make him do anything just let him know you want to see him and hope he will. I don't mean to sound mean but do you want a man like this I've seen so many soldiers leave and when they are gone they think it's OK to do what ever and talk to whoever like it's they're free ticket "I might die so why not" ( I love em for fighting but can't stand em for cheating)
But for the most part the rest of the soldiers are stand up guys not only for our country but for their marriage.
Your his wife not this other woman you don't have to play second fiddle it may mean finding someone that knows what marriage really means but you don't deserve being put on the back burner.As long as he knows your waiting on him he will continue to do what he wants because he knows he can come home and all is forgiven........
Good Luck........
2006-08-28 14:08:24 · answer #5 · answered by wardancer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so sorry to hear your story because mines was similar yet just a lil different. look you have to understand that sometimes people need a little space and sometimes it becomes the answers and in your case possibly not you still do not know though but do keep in mind that god does everythimg for a reason and this is possibly one of those things that we do not understand why and we swear up and down that we are being unished and what not but in the end it turns out to be ok. i was with my ex for 14 years 9 out of those married. we moved to another state 2 years ago and there i joined the army nat guard for extra money to buy a house for my wife, what she always dreamed of, and for the med benefits that we were going to get but anyways, before enlisting we takled about it and both agreed that it was something that we would fight through together if i would end up in iraq. well i found my self overseas and guess what happened with all the time away. about 7-8 months in iraq later after all the stress and depression and wondering if they are fine or you would ever see them again (kids & wife) i received a letter where she said she was going to move on because my family was giving her a bad time and spreading rumors and she could not live like that no more and you get it right..she says she will be leaving me as soon as i got back from iraq. imagine what my world turned to for the next few months being extremely bussy and thousands of miles away and wondering why me what i do whats going on is she cheating ???? well i got back and she did leave me as she said with the kids, theyr clothes, washer/dryer a tv and my suv and cash everything else she said she would leave for me to have. went out of state to her sisters and just went along like everything is cool. well in the end she was seeing someone while i was fighting for her house and my life, and it was all planed cause with in 6 months he bought her a home , new furniture, and she got preagnant by him. coincidence?? you tell me. we tried getting pregnant before i left over seas and never could. so there i would say god did everything for a reason and i thought i was being punished but now i see the blessing i got. so just keep youre head up and let him come back if and when he wants to. do what you can with in reason to get him back but if its not working then hey its time to suck iy up as hard as it is and i know its not easy but it is possible cause im ok. i never thought i could but i did and i may not be totally over it but i am happy to say i have accepted it and i am moving on every day much better than the last .god bless your fam marriage and him out thereand good luck cause i know i came up by losing some one who really only wanted money and a house of hers own and well she did it the wrong way
2006-08-28 17:27:15 · answer #6 · answered by nrike 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't want to see you, give him exactly that, and then some. Don't entertain his thoughts of separation from you, let him experience them, while you spend your time with a close friend or family member, and seem perfectly content, even if you're not. Then, and only then, will he know if that's what he really wants, and it will be obvious if it's not a lot sooner this way. Don't appear needy or wanting because that will only reinforce his original thoughts.
2006-08-28 14:03:13 · answer #7 · answered by runninfool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like he's already made up his mind.
Perhaps when you left for college he wasn't "ok with it" like you thought and he felt that you left him first, or maybe he made up his mind even before you left and it was just a convenience for him.
2006-08-28 14:39:33 · answer #8 · answered by someavgguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first u shouldn't have another woman talking to ur husband about ur marriage, u go talk to him and let him know how you feel. it will all work out
2006-08-28 15:03:23 · answer #9 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you really think she is saying that, besides, he is over you and ready to date someone new , and i am so sorry for you, really
2006-08-28 14:00:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋