Is 40 too old to have a baby?

Question

my boyfriend is 13 years younger than me and has no family of his own. however i already have 3 growing up children to a previous partner, and i feel like i am just getting my life back. i love my partner and I would have another baby to keep him happy, but am i too old? i look quite young for my age, i exercise and take care of my self, but mentally, im not sure i could cope with another baby....help i !

Answer 1

no, 40 is not too old. the best thing to do is talk to him and see what he wants to do. if you have your problems out in the open, such as the fact that you are worried you would not be able to cope, it'll be easier for him to support you in every way he can. you sound in very good shape so i'm sure you wouldn't have a problem and once you have had the baby i know you wouldn't regret it. good luck, i hope this helped you! xx

Answer 2

Pregnancy after 40 is much more common today than it was in the 1980's and 1990's. 40 would have been waaaaay too old for me (I had my kids when I was in my 20s) but it may not be too old for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you having a baby if that is what YOU want to do. My brother and sister-in-law had their only child when she was 39 and there were no problems - other than they had difficulty getting pregnant. And actually another of my brothers is with a woman 14 years older than him. They have been together for about 20 years - no kids though.

Here are some things to think about.

Do YOU really want to have a baby? Having a baby to keep someone else happy is not a good reason to have a baby. Do you think he will leave if you don't agree to a baby? HOw young you look has nothing to do with it really, other than in terms of how the child would feel with an older mom at parent/teacher night and so on.

How long have ypu been with this boyfriend? Is it going to be a long-term relationship?

Are you prepared for the extra medical care often associated with an after 40 pregnancy? There is a greater risk of Down syndrome, trisomy 18, and other problems after 40. You should really research those issues.

Are you prepared to have a teenager when you are in your mid-fifties? I am 53 now, and I cannot imagine being mom to a teenager.

Have you thought about the time and energy a young child requires? The sleepless nights with a new baby? I am exhausted when my grandchildren go home, and I am a rather young and fit 53.

I've raised some of these questions mainly because the sense I get from your queston is that you need someone to tell you that it is ok and quite normal to not want a baby at this stage in your life. I know exactly what you mean when you say you are just getting your life back ... and before you know it there will be grandkids coming to visit .... but you can send grandkids home when you get tired or when you want to take a trip or go out for the evening. I understand too that you love your partner and want to make him happy, but a child deserves a mom who really wants to be a mom right at the time.

My final thought ...

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!

-- William Shakespeare

I hope these thoughts and sites are of some help to you. Best of luck with everything, whatever your decision.

Answer 3

Well there was a woman who was in her 60’s who gave birth. So I’d saying 40 isn’t too old, JK Rowling was I think 40 when she had her 3rd child. I think you should remember that the older a woman is the more chances that the baby would have something wrong with it. Like mental retardation an older woman is more likely to have a Down syndrome child then a woman who is younger. There are other complications that could arise too, even in labor. Then again a heatlhy child could be result too

My Aunt was 48 when she adopted her baby son, i know she didnt give birth to him but she is an older parent the same. Will you be ready in the future if someone calls you your child’s grandmother? Do you think you’ll be able to keep up when your 50 and your child is 10, or your in your 50’s and your child is a teenager.

Also dont have a baby to make your boyfriend happy, only do it if you both want to have a baby.

Answer 4

Only you can answer that question. Some women are mentally and physically ready when they're 40. Good for them, it's their choice and their decision.

Me? I am no longer in that place. I'm 40 as well and have 4 kids. I couldn't imagine myself going through all that again. Don't get me wrong, they were truly the sweetest years, I loved every minute of it. But I am done with that now. My kids are getting ready for college, learning how to drive, struggling with the ups and downs of teen dating, and ZITS! *giggle*

I don't need anything from the baby/diaper aisle of the supermarket anymore -- and I'm happy about that.

You and your partner need to talk about this issue a lot more. Include your kids too. Your partner might want to do all the mental stuff that you might not have the patience for anymore. But this decision is up to you. Physically, no, you're not too old. But your chances of having a baby with special needs increases dramtically after age 35.

Good luck, you're a better woman than I am!

Answer 5

i have just become a gran at 44 and while it is the most wonderful feeling in the world it is also exhausting. i mind the little one for a few hours each day while mummy works and i had forgotten just how hard it is. just going to the loo or down the garden is impossible without taking her with me because i wont leave her in a room on her own. you forget that you cant nip upstairs to have a shower or go the shop quickly if you want to. however i can't wait to see her everyday, she makes me feel so content and happy that nothing else really matters. so basically if you feel you can cope and adore children and dont mind starting the school run again at 45 then go for it, if not then wait to be a gran and take your boyfriend on a nice holiday instead and show him what he'd be missing. if you got pregnant. at the end of the day only you can decide after weighing up the pros and cons. good luck

Answer 6

Think about the reasons why you would have a child. Think about wether you will have the energy to care for another one. There are a lot of added risks to pregnancy in your 40s, including a huge increase in neural-tube defects in the baby and several complications for the mother, not to mention decreased fertility and an increased chance of losing the baby. It is a lot more wearing on your body at that age. If you have any concerns, then you should probably talk to your doctor, bring your boyfriend along. Think about the reasons he wants a child. Make sure it is for the right reasons.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

I would definatly go to my OB/GYN and make sure physically you can have another child. Also I would talk to someone if you are not sure that you can cope with an infant. This is another 18 year committment that you are looking at, even if this relationship with your boyfriend doesnt work out. Maybe you can babysit for a long weekend for an infant relative and see if it's something that is even an option. Adopting is also an option and maybe an older child 3-4 would work better for you. I understand the need to want to have a child with the man you love, but sometimes things arent meant to be, So please look at all of the options before deciding to have a child.

Answer 8

My mum had me at 36 and my brother at 42, and my grandmother had her kids at 36, 38 and 40 (in the days before advanced medical care). All healthy pregnancies, no problems and big bouncing babies!!

I'm nearly 35 and having my first with my boyfriend (who is nearly 11 years younger than me!) I'm a trained dancer, slim and very fit - fitter than plenty of the overweight, junk food scoffing 21 year olds I know! I've had no problems with my pregnancy.

People need to get out of the dark ages and realise that women can safely go on having children until much later than they "used" to. If you want some horror stories about "young" women in the "right" age group (late teens early 20s) having terrible pregnancies, stillbirths, miscarriages etc I can relate quite a few. I can also relate a lot of stories of older women having perfectly normal and healthy pregnancies.

You are as young as you feel.

Answer 9

Physically, that's between you and your doctor. Emotionally, having a child to make someone else happy is NEVER a good reason to have a child. You should know that if you're 40 and have already raised 3 children.

Don't you think you might resent the guy if you had his baby, already knowing that you can't cope with another one? Is that an environment that you'd want to bring a child into?

This guy needs to figure out how to make himself happy. And if that means finding someone who's more amenable to having his child, then that's what he should do.

Don't have another child! Enjoy your life and your new found freedom.

Answer 10

it sounds like u wud only have 1 4 his sake and ur not really that keen im 30 and i have 2 kid my eldest is 9 my youngest is 5my partner is only my 5 year old sons dad and he wanted me 2 have more but i just didnt want 2 start again and i have 1 of each so i sort of get where ur coming from i had my tubes tied cuz at the end of the day if ur not totally happy about it then u shouldnt go ahead with it and i dont think 40 is too old my dad met some1 else later in life and had a son at 49 i hope this helps but dont feel pressured to do this unless its def what u want