Since my husband has came home of deployment we have had trouble in the bedroom with intimacy and he wont talk to a Dr. about it because he says its a private problem and he doesnt discuss things like that with anyone, but it is causeing tension in our relationship and I know I need to be patient but what can I do as his wife to make this better and easier for him to talk about?? I am really worried about him thinking it could be something physically wrong with him, or that maybe he is just not as attracted to me as he used to be. I am really scared of loosing him over this but if he wont talk about it with anyone what can I do as his wife to help him open up about this situations. Please help before its to late for us!!!
2006-08-28 10:20:43 · 13 answers · asked by stormy2u2001 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sorry, I am a man.
1) Does he get erections in his sleep like men normally do? Men get erections when they enter REM sleep. You'll recognize REM sleep when you see his eyes moving under his eyelids while jhe is asleep. If he gets one during REM or wakes up with one, it's not medical.
2) If he gets erections during REM sleep, take him in your mouth while he is asleep. When he wakes up, say, "This is just for you babe" and then finish the job. If he loses his erection, you'll know it's psychological.
3) Let him know that he is loved, values, appreciated, respected, and desired. Coax him gently into therapy. Tell him you want to keep him forever and he can't leave.
2006-08-28 10:32:48 · answer #1 · answered by Otis F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From a personnel side of it It has been going on three since I have had sex with my wife not that I don't have the desire to, if she was to just strip down naked in front of me I would lose a load like that. So in a way you two are not as active as should be and when the opportunity arises he just goes as much as he would like for it to last he can not stop it as for the viagra stuff no I would not try it just yet. You say it is just to much trouble to get into sex. You might just have to bite the bullet so to speak and try a little more often. Try some more foreplay, hand, oral, for both of you. If you go at it and it becomes more routine then he could last a little longer. I know for a short period of time she was just into it, she could hardly wait to get home from work and do something, when the kids were at school she would work out in the living room and I would help(we were naked) more than once we never completed the work plan. It was great and then suddenly it just ended much to my dislike. I was getting a little better each time it went as much as three time once. let me tell you I was one happy camper. So try and get into it a little more and enjoy don't look at it as a chore but something enjoyable it is a natural part of life until you are well into your years and then some. Enjoy while you can because some day it will not be there any more. and then yo will have to revert to toys
2016-03-26 23:16:06 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a vicious circle. I don't think it has anything to do with attraction. Many guys from a long deployment have "shelved" their sexual drives to focus on their jobs and also in avoidence of sexual urges that can't be acted on just then.
How long has he been home? This could take up to six months to fix. But you should be patient.
If you push on the problem then he'll become more anxious and will then become even more reluctant/unable to initiate/participate in sex.
By the way guys don't typically like to talk about any of their problems. They like to go into a cave and sulk until they've found an answer to their issue. If you push it then they get pished off.
You should seek counseling on this issue yourself. You have to determine if the lack of intimacy is because of inability to erect or other issues.
this is tricky and you need the guidence of a professional to help you.
Good luck
2006-08-28 10:42:21 · answer #3 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is probably psychological. Think of all he has seen and done in the past few months. IT has to take it's toll. If he will not seek counseling then you have to be patient. Stop focusing on the sex and focus on your husband. He is more than a roll in the hay and you both know it. So he is slow to get out of the starting gate or stands there in it- doesn't matter. What he needs is for you to be understanding and change the focus onto something else. He will come to terms with it eventually and he will then seek
counseling. There is no way his deployment did not affect him so give him time. Love him through it and be patient.
2006-08-28 10:26:02 · answer #4 · answered by bootsjeansnpearls 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he has some issues related to deployment. No uncommon. It could be emotional, physical or both. You could talk to a doctor yourself about options, but he really needs to see a doctor himself. When the guys come back, speaking from experience, they go through a lot as far as readjustment. The VA has counselors for this sort of thing. I'm sorry if I'm not offering a solution, but I think he really needs to get help on this one. Like I said though, if you can get some information from your own doctor, maybe they can offer more help. Good luck!
2006-08-28 10:27:44 · answer #5 · answered by kihteacher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummm...well try to show him that you are still physically attracted to him in other ways. Try doing things that will not cause his "problem" to be evident. Don't pressure him to talk about it. Like most men, he feels as if he can handle this on his own. Like you said, he is fresh from deployment so more than likely he still has all of that emotional baggage on his mind. Give him time to think this through. He will talk and seek help when he feels the time is right.
2006-08-28 10:26:02 · answer #6 · answered by swilkes8305 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can he get one at all, or just not keep one?? He could have a problem that is psycological or it could be physical. Do some research on erectile dysfunction on the internet. Try to get to the bottom of it without the Dr. Tell your husband how attracted you are to him, and find out if he misses your sex life, if he does, he should want to see what you have found out. Be persistent! It happens to lots of men, don't think it is you. I hope he will open up. Good luck to you.
2006-08-28 10:26:53 · answer #7 · answered by Smilingcheek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This type of thing happens a lot with soilders and others in the military. You could try some of the over the counter supplements, but he may not be open to that either. You could try counseling, but if he is stubborn, you are going to have a hard time no matter what road you decide to travel.
2006-08-28 10:24:38 · answer #8 · answered by Meg...Out of Hybernation 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you don't want to hear it from a guy, so I won't give you an answer. But I hope you understand before it's too late that since this is a guy problem, ONLY a guy can give you an answer.
Good luck though. I am looking forward to read how many repressed and sad females are going to try to solve this one.
2006-08-28 10:26:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It could be something physical.
It might help if you saw a counselor to work through this, too.
You need to find a way to communicate with him, make him feel safe to explain what's going on.
It's possible that he cheated on you on deployment and feels guilty, or maybe caught something.
Whatever's going on, you both need to communicate.
2006-08-28 10:25:47 · answer #10 · answered by a_blue_grey_mist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋