im married and have a lover on the side now im ready to leave my husband but he wont let go?

Question

he was doing his thing first and when he started be faithful i started cheating

Answer 1

try to remember the good reasonsof why you got married to your husband. if nothing is left of all those good reasons you might as well leave him. if you still love him and able to forgive him then you should evaluate... a lover on the side is a lover, you might not even know if he will comit to you after your divorce (remember he is helping you cheating on your husband!), a husband is forever (even if a lover isn't bad once in a while...)

Answer 2

He was wrong but that did not give you an excuse to cheat as well. If you forgave him then the story should have ended there. If you didn't then you should have left him already.

That said, what's done is done and you should not be with two men at the same time. It is just not proper and not healthy for you mentally or physically. If you still love your husband then leave this lover and work it out. Otherwise you need to get a divorce. There's no point in both of you cheating and staying together. No one can give you this answer because we don't know what you feel and for whom, but you cannot stay in limbo.

Answer 3

I wouldn't leave my husband for something on the side if I was you. What goes around comes around. What you are doing to your husband that man you are leaving him for is going to do the same thing to you or even worse. A man that will cheat with you will cheat on you. I can understand if you were leaving your husband cause he was cheating even though he has done it already but two wrongs dont make a right. Work on your marriage if you need to go to counseling then do it. Your husband loves you and wants to make things right give him a chance.You never know he may have changed.

Answer 4

Do you love him? Was this just revenge. You should always end a relationship first before you start a new one. You should not let someone elses mistakes influence your decisions, morals, and values. If you were not able to fully love him and to forgive after "he did his thing", you should have divorced and moved on. Did he change as a person? Did he realize his mistakes and change as a person to prevent reoccurence. Why did you put him through that change if you were just going to go out and get a lover for revenge. If you stopped loving your husband, committed adultery, and are in love with this lover, then just go........get a divorce and save everyone the pain.

Answer 5

Karma. Sucks for him. On the other hand do two wrongs really make a right. Should have just left him if he was cheating on you. I mean so you waited for him to be faithful and then you cheated on him. Best thing to do is move out and file for divorce. If that's what you really want.

Answer 6

Why did you cheat? To get back at him? You should never cheat no matter what. Even if he did cheat on you first. You should have left him when he first cheated, rather than falling to his level and doing the exact same thing as him. Do you still love your husband, cuz if you do you shouldn't run out on something just becuase it's getting tough. Do what your heart says.

Answer 7

You didn't state you were willing to leave your husband for this person you are cheating with.

You didn't state whether it was a male or female you were cheating on him with.

Ask honest questions, you'll get answers that are worth a damn.

You admitted to betrayal of trust, and the desire to take that a step further and leaving him.

Why stay? Revenge for his betrayal? Do you really love him but need sex on the side, but want to do the "honorable" thing? Is your husband really good in bed, but new lovers are more exciting in bed? Does sex really play that big of a role? Do you just not love your husband anymore and cheating on him, then bailing with someone else is as good of an excuse as any to finish off your relationship?

Flat out, I don't see anything wrong with bailing. He cheated on you, you tried to forgive him, couldn't/wouldn't/didn't... you went off and had some fun yourself, and decided it was more fun than being with him.

That's the only logical answer given the information you provided. This question sounds more like, "Tell me what I want to hear, and if you all don't... I'm just going to do what I want anyway so it doesn't matter."

Personally, I'd just be honest about the whole thing... with myself and the other people involved. There is a whole lot of awful going on, but there could be upsides.

I personally don't go for all this moral/ethical/honorable crap. You did the deed, don't act like you are honorable now, just BE honest and you might regain some honor. You don't have any to flaunt after what you did.

Not that what you did was so bad or anything. If you really want to be an awesome person, don't pull that... "It's not you, it's me...." or "I still love you, I'm just not IN love with you" garbage.

Bad, would be having unprotected sex with someone you were unsure about, then bringing it home and putting someone who trusts you at risk. That's just tacky and nasty. You don't do that to someone you "love", and your husband is guilty of it to begin with in all likelihood.

In my opinion, that's the worst part about sex on the side, even if you and the potential lover went and got tested... there is no promise that they didn't cheat on YOU if it was anything longer than a one night stand... and no one goes to get tested before stripping anyway.

I'd just take a little time and consider exactly what it is that you are doing, what you actually want, and how to go about getting it instead of trying to get people to say what you want to hear on a message board.

I'm not an angel, and I'm not a captain of the morality police... but this just seems like a waste of your time. You're going to do what you've already chosen to do.

If I had to take a wild guess though, you're husband isn't willing to let you go because he doesn't see you two as even and intends on hurting you a little bit more to balance it all out before the end. You probably suspect this is true, but are hoping someone is going to tell you that he really, deeply loves you and wants to give it another shot. You are probably hesitating because you see this as a possibility... be honest with him. He might be honest with you, if he just tells you what you want to hear... (What you'd determine as the "right" answer) you should leave.

Answer 8

i don't hink there is a future for you 2 so go move in with your lover...you should never have got married in the first place to be honest...he can't stop you i just hope there are no kids involved because you both sound very immature

Answer 9

You don't need his permission to get a divorce. Call a lawyer, file the paper, get separated and the divorce goes through. Simple as that. Good luck

Answer 10

Obviously you are both missing something from eachother if you are both cheating you need to find it in your heart .Can you be without your husband ? or do you think it's worth fighting for .Make up your mind and don't lead him on if you decide to divorce be honest.