Married Men Please Respond.....Any Advice Is Welcome!!!?

Question

Ok here goes...im 26 been married 5 and a half yrs with my hubby for 7....we have 2 kids and he has a child from a previous relationship whom we have custody of...we r very much inlove...i know he loves me but r sex life is almost null invoid...when do its amazing but like i said null invoid....he works alot but i do to and still find time for him. he comes home eats showers and sleeps this a 6 day a week thing for him he only works 5....about 2 yrs ago i allowed another man to gain feelings for me. WE NEVER DID ANYTHING EVER!!!!!!!!! (just get that q outta the way) but do u think that may b y we r not intimate all of the time or is this normal? im very curious what i can or should do to put the spark back in my marriage....any advice for the couple who's lost it???? PLEASE HELP!!!! We r too young for this...

Answer 1

Hello need 2 know, you are right, you are too young to lose something so wonderful as sex between two people in love.
You need to find a way to get your husband to open up to you about why his sex drive is just not there anymore. I wouldn't bring up that guy from the past unless he does so first. That may not be the issue and there is no sense in bringing it back up if that isnt' the problem. I realize that with children, it can be hard to find time alone. See if you can set up a baby sitter for the evening then invite your husband out to dinner! Just the two of you. Pick a place you know he enjoys but also one that has private tables where the two of you can sit and talk. Keep things positive, talk about the great sex you two had when you first started dating, talk about how your wedding night was. See if you can get him to open up about things by staying positive and sexy. It may be that he is having some physical problems that he doesn't want to talk about. It could by anything but let him know that you will always love him and be there for him. Remind him how the two of you should be able to talk about anything! Once you get him to open up, the two of you can talk and make an effort together to improve things.
I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 2

Everyone's libido is different, and it varies throughout a relationship. Some couples are 4-5 times a week and have been married 15 years, others are once a month after only a short time.

The most common reason that I think causes a decrease in a guy's desire is stress. It can be at work, family, finances, anything. This usually manifests itself over a good amount of time as it builds. Best thing to do IMHO is to try and talk to him about it. Try not to "attack" him, just state that you are concerned and miss the intimacy you used to have. He may get defensive at first, so don't press too hard. Give him a few days to think about what you've said...he may bring the subject back up, or you can gently ask what he thinks after having some time to think about it.

Answer 3

I'm there...opposite side of the fence, but have been working new angles go encourage my wife to be more intimate.

Its been a great last several weeks after 1-2 almost sexless years.

While it is working so far, I'm not sure its permanent...

But my methods:
Email him something hot. In my case I sent her 5 of my fantasies in erotic detail, then encouraged her to do the same. While the quality in terms of eroticism, was not what i had hoped for, her response was positive and supportive. It resulted in an intimate conversation over drinks that evening followed by a passionate encounter after the kids were down.

That was followed by a weekend without kids for our anniversary. We had dinner than went home on Friday. No kids inthe house resulted in longer foreplay and louder action.

The next day, off to a hotel. More of the same. (3 times in 12 hours, and I'm no kid!).

More of the same last night (a week later).

The quality of the sex (brought on by her really being with me for a change) is better than ever. I'm a 3-4 times a week libido but may be able to settle for the passion we have had even if it only occurs once a week.

Communication is the key, as most will tell you. Start small, but follow it with love making. The reward will encourage more of the same.

Good luck

Answer 4

Ha no, it's not that he knows what he wants its that he's going through the 80/20 rule. His wife has provided him with 80% of what he needs. No relationship will give you a 100%, but 80 is more than enough. However since he's missing the other 20% it's starting to look like its a 100 when it's not. Your providing him with that 20, but if he really does leave his wife he'll realize how stupid he was leaving the 80 for the 20.

Answer 5

You lost the romance with your hubby - you two need to find things that you BOTH like to do.

I suggest that you find a sitter or family member that can take care of the kids and go out and start "dating" each other again.

You both need to spend some quality time talking about what both of you want from each other and where your lives are going.

My wonderful wife and I do this - not often enough, but we do try to get out and away from home life for a couple of hours a week.
We are planning a weekender to get away from it all - just us two.

A successful marriage must be worked on a daily basis- if it is not, then other things will become more important and you two will grow apart. Be careful of letting another have feelings for you - could you have "secret" feelings for him? Maybe it just felt good to be "liked" or "appreciated" by another guy? You said you didn't do anything with him, but you should have not let that happen-it could have quickly turned into something. So drop that person from your life and go after your hubby.

Answer 6

Men aren't much different from women when it comes to sexual attraction within a marriage. If we don't feel valued and appreciated, we lose interest.

Plan something special without the kids. It doesn't matter what it is as long as you will both enjoy it and there's time for talking. Tell him that you love him, that you're proud to be his woman, that you're proud he's your man. Let him know that you think he's a good father. Work on talking and smooching. Let him know you desire him. At some point, just strip naked and sit in his lap facing him and kiss his socks off. The rest will take care of itself.

From now on, take turns planning a date every other weekend. Try to go away for a whole weekend once every three months or so.

And, keep working on the romance. Call him just before he leaves work and say, "I was just thinking of you and now I'm all wet. What are you going to do about that?"

Answer 7

Go on dates with your husband. Get some sexy stuff and seduce him. Get serious about being a wife and partner. Quit IMing.

My wife and I go out on dates once or more per week without the kids. We go to dinner or coffee or the lumberyard. We have fun joking and kidding as we did when we first dated. It's that simple. Kids are the loves of our lives but we all need breaks. 2 hours a week to start. Put the kids in bed a 1/2 hr earlier so you can cuddle and screw each other silly might help too.

Answer 8

Maybe you did nothing physically...but it sounds like you emotionally cheated on your husband. Your husband's lack of sex drive could be he subconciously picked up on the issue.

If you're really serious about this then arrange a "get-a-way" vacation set-up for you guys. Get Grand MA to sit the kids and you and him take off for a week. Then just let the pot simmer and it should take care of itself. If not then you should seek profesional counseling.

Some guys can pick-up on things like emotional cheating. They may not know what it is but they know sometings wrong.

Check out the following web site. It's a site for guys but many women find it useful. It can answer you questions better than I can. It will also give you a "bird's eye" view into a guy's psyche.

http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/

Good Luck

Answer 9

I just can't understand how many of you claim that you love each other, but lost interest in sex ... What kind of LOVE is that.
I don't think it's the deep LOVE between a WOMAN and a MAN, 2 soul mates, which bears passion and physical attraction (like it might be before)... but between 2 HUMANS. You are just feeling the NEED of each other because you have been together for long time and feeling comfortable with the status ... like 2 good friends, 2 roomates ... Or you may feel too much obligation/resposibility to each other because you have been married, had taken the vow ... so you confused between CARE and LOVE (you can care about somebody without loving, of course).

Maybe it's not your case, but anyway, you did not say if you are still feeling of doing sex with him....

Answer 10

There are lots of things that can cause this problem. The first is to have him go to a doctor and make sure there isn't a physical problem. Lack of sexual desire can be a sign of a major illness. The next thing is to talk to him and find out what is going on in his head. Stress can kill sexual desire. Talk about making time for just he two of you to spend time together and reconnect. Some thing as simple as a walk around the block a couple of nights a week while holding hands and talking can add a lot to your relationship. If nothing else works consider couples counseling to help you find out what is going on. Some times it takes an outside source to see what is really going on. The main thing is to communicate with him about the situation and work together to improve things and find a solution.