I want to give it to my BF. we have been dating 3 months and i want him to know what i feel.
***************************
You are sweet and I surrender- give in to this embrace
my arms would hold only you
from this breath to the last
take a chance believe this sweet grace
that stirs my soul remove all pain from the past
can you feel it too,
in your eyes in your smile that lights upon me?
Take me now into your soul - give in to your heart
show me life, show me love
lets discover
promise me dreams, promise me hope that never shall part
take me now as a friend as a soul as a lover
Would your fear be so strong, your heart so torn to deny me?
2006-08-28 09:26:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
that's deep for only 3 months. well written though.
2006-08-28 09:31:37 · answer #1 · answered by IT Pro 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loved it! Great emotion conveyed! Beautifully written....
Instead of ending on an ultimatum (unless that's what you want)-How about moving the last line? I pasted it below:
in your eyes in your smile that lights upon me?
Would your fear be so strong, your heart so torn to deny me?
Take me now into your soul - give in to your heart
show me life, show me love
lets discover
promise me dreams, promise me hope that never shall part
take me now as a friend as a soul as a lover
2006-08-28 18:27:40 · answer #2 · answered by tk30606 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i suggest giving it to him only if he really is a sensible guy that would appreciate such a generous pouring of mushiness...now don't get mad, i'm a girl myself but i don't think i met a guy yet that would truly understand or like a poem of this sort. i think that at best, he'll nod his head, smile sweetly, kiss you once and throw it at the back of a dresser and never look at it again. i don't believe for a second that he will take it as a token of your love and charish it like you'd expect. i hate to burst your bubble but wake up...being more realistic will only help you find a more appropriate way to show your feelings without being too girlie for the poor man's taste. and in the end you will only have to gain.
2006-08-28 10:29:32 · answer #3 · answered by elicatis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever seen the movie Xanadu? Where they have the animated piece for the song don't walk away? Where the man and the woman float upwards together in a glitter of sparkling stars, your words made me think of that. They are lovers and moving as one. I loved it. Thanks for sharing.
2006-08-28 13:14:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very good job! You obviously are able to convey your feelings easily through writing. I hope your boyfriend loves it and I wish you two much happiness!
2006-08-28 10:18:45 · answer #5 · answered by Smiles Like She Means It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks great. You have a feel for poetry,, don't stop with this one.
I hope he appreciates it. It truly shows your feelings for him.
2006-08-28 09:32:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont like it Its real deep but maybe thats the type of guy he is. well writen
2006-08-28 09:35:07 · answer #7 · answered by rebel_slash_hippy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my gosh... that poem is sooo beautiful! GO FOR IT!!!!
2006-08-28 09:31:59 · answer #8 · answered by Coco 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its well its ok...try this one
2006-08-28 09:34:07 · answer #9 · answered by rocks_my_mom 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋