my husband has cheated on me practically our 11 years together and i still fill wrong for wanting to leave him so how do i tell him without hurting him
2006-08-28 09:24:26 · 20 answers · asked by KAren h 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You tell him bluntly, "I am divorcing you." You do not say, "I want a divorce," you say it just as I stated. This leaves no room for argument, not an inch for wiggle. Call a lawyer, sign the papers, and separate ... the faster the better...there is no reason to drag it out once you have made up your mind. Just do it...and stop worrying about other's feelings...you cannot control them, you can only control yours. Don't be silly, do it and get it done. Good luck
2006-08-28 09:33:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
No matter how you tell him, it's going to hurt. It's always harder on the one who doesn't initiate the separation.
If you get the feeling that it will hurt him, then you must know that he loves you. Maybe he wasn't ready for marriage yet. If so, a separation might allow him time to resolve any unfinished needs he had before the two of you were married. In the end, it could even be the solution to making your marriage stronger.
Before you do, be sure you have taken an honest look at how you contributed to his need to go outside the marriage for sex.
If you can own up to your part, and the two of you can communicate honestly about your feelings, maybe the marriage can be saved. At worst, maybe you can remain friends afterwords.
You spent 11 of the best years of your life with each other, it would be a shame to have them be for nothing.
2006-08-28 09:59:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him straight up he's well endowed & it hurts. Trust me you won't hurt his feelings. You might give him a big head for a minute. You also said he had partners before you, chances are he has been told this previously. I had this same issue when my husband & I first got together & he had previous girlfriends who just told him he was too big so it wasn't news to him. Lube is definetly your best bet. My reccomendation is Menscream. We tried tons of different lubes & it is just by far the best. Just put a towl down so you don't greese up your sheets. You could either buy it online or take a trip to your local sex shop. It can open the door for you guys to talk about this stuff & experiment untill you find what works for you as a couple.
2016-03-17 03:48:50 · answer #3 · answered by Heather 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.Sweetheart, it sounds like he has you wraped around his little finger. I know it is hard when you love someone and they cheat on you repeatedly. I've been there. The only thing you can do is just tell him you do not want to be with him. Just tell him that you want to be with someone who respects you and your feelings and cheating on you is not respect at all. Trust me, when you tell him it will be a burden lifted and you will feel as free as a butterfly.Don't worry about hurting him. Did he really care that he hurt you by cheating 11 years? Do it for yourself. No woman deserves to be treated that way and believe it or not there are some honest men out there.
2006-08-28 10:28:39 · answer #4 · answered by Just_Curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. Even if he knows in his heart that it's over, there is nothing you can say or do to make it not hurt or hurt less. I am concerned about your comment about you hurting him. Did he not hurt you all those years he cheated on you?? I do not believe in that "eye for an eye" bull****, but you have to let this man know that you are going to tolerate this any more, and that there are consequences to be faced.
2006-08-28 17:19:18 · answer #5 · answered by savvyd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's cheated on you and you're afraid of hurting him? Either way you approach it, it will hurt him, assuming he even has the conscience to know what he did was wrong. But,he needs to know that you will no longer tolerate being disrespected by his cheating. Just tell him like it is. There's really nothing you can do to soften the blow.
2006-08-28 09:37:12 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are sure about the cheating then you don't owe him a thing! Why do you feel the need to have an nice friendly divorce? You should get in touch with your feelings, tell the cheater what's what and then move out smartly! You don't need to waste one more minute of your youth on this cheating man!
2006-08-28 09:36:44 · answer #7 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only way it won't hurt him is if he is ready for you to go. so, do things to get on his last nerve and he will be happy to see you leave (although, men being the liars that they are, he will pretend to be hurt but you just know that it's fake and you'll be fine).
2006-08-28 10:05:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gee..I don't know. Guess it never bothered or hurt you all these 11 years that he cheated on you sooooo...what difference would it make huh?
2006-08-28 10:08:42 · answer #9 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If what you say is true "that he cheated on you the entire 11 yrs that you have been together. THEN WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT HURTING HIM"? Sounds like there is more to the story.
2006-08-28 09:33:19 · answer #10 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋