Do u like my poem?? its called Unbelievable?

Question

There’s, there’s a sad girl
She’s sitting alone outside, shes not talking at all
Theres no 1 who knows her, wheres her mom & dad?
Alone in this world,I want 2 help her

Unbelievable,the girl’s sitting alone
Unbelievable,whos the guy who dumped her?
Unbelievable,the girl’s sitting alone
Unbelievable,whos this guy who dumped her?

My life’s perfect,there’s nothing like it,she broke my heart
She’s her home & she does not stay at it
How can I ask her?When will she be happy,shes young she doesnt have 2 be alone
Who’s this guy who dumped her,I must know now

Unbelievable,the girl’s sitting alone
Unbelievable,whos this guy who dumped her?
Unbelievable,the girl’s sitting alone
Unbelievable,whos this guy who dumped her?

Dont be scared
Look at me, im with you
You should move on live your life
You didnt do anything wrong
Come & hold my dand
Dont cry 4 nothing
That love’s the past

Unbelievable,the girl’s sitting alone
Unbelievable,whos this guy who dumped her?
Un..

Answer 1

depressing

Answer 2

Well, if you are looking for actual feedback - no - this really isn't a very good poem. Your punctuation and grammar aren't very good. You should not use numbers instead of spelling out the number. The meter and stanza's are nothing like what a poem actually is. . .etc I could go on.

Poetry isn't about just putting some short lines of prose together. It is a craft that needs to be practiced and developed. This is a ghastly exacmple .

Answer 3

Well, it's a good subject... I like the idea behind it and the emotion in it... Your writing could use a little work... Technicalities like punctuation and spelling dont bother me, I think a writer should write however he/she wants to... Repeating certain phrases is often effective, but in your poem I think you over did it... I would try restructuring it if I were you... It could use some revising and work... But in my opinion I think its pretty good...

And as for everyone who thinks they can do better, I'd like to see some proof... Its much easier said than done... And I didnt see any constructive critism from those people... No mention of how to make it better... Dont listen to their opinions, they dont count...

Answer 4

I kinda liked it. It took me a while to get what was goin on cause I thought it was a song. But, do try to reword it a little so people can understand what's goin on a little better. I like it though.

Answer 5

So this is a song, right? Because it's not so great if it were just a poem, but I can definitely see it made into a song.

Answer 6

yes i like ur poem i think it is very sweet ......what a man and some of these other people who think they can do better are just self conseeted i love to write poems too.. u should eneter it in a poem contest its reall good ONLY IF YOU REALLY MADE IT UP ..

Answer 7

hmmm... the only part i dont like is "The guy who dumped her". it sounds childish. try to think of something else like:

Unbelievable, whose the ONE who LEFT her.

it sounds better and moe fluid. it could be a cool rock ballad!

oh, and you just used the abreviations to tupe it faster, right?

Answer 8

Poorly written, badly punctuated, uninteresting subject. I suggest you take some English grammar classes, followed by a few courses in creative writing. so don't quit your day job just yet.

Answer 9

Sorry dude, LAME!
keep that job at Mc Donald's

Answer 10

for a poem its kinda weird.. but if u had a good beat that could be an amazing song!

Answer 11

sorry man , didnt like it ! keep trying