Why does the first week of marriage immediately turn to chaos?

Question

Me and my wife have been together for three years and have a 6 month old son together. Up till now we have had an occaisional disagreement but now the arguments are more intense and seem more power struggle oriented. but as usual after sex everything is calm again like nothing ever happened.

Personally, I think it's natural for women, after the wedding, they feel they own you, and they try to see how far they can push you until the man reverts to an overwhelming gesture to regain power. (yelling, leaving or breaking something)
But it seems when I am a controlling asshole, all is normal. Am I not seeing the womans side?

And No. I do not resort to phsical violence against my wife.

Answer 1

She probably feel that you are very rude to her when you speak. It's not a power struggle because she has no reason not to go against what you say. She doesn't feel that she owns you. You just have to learn to respect her instead of being an asshole soon as you wake up in the morning.

Answer 2

My first year of marriage was awful. It's not necessarily a power struggle, just both parties trying to see where the boundaries lie. In marriage, there has to be a lot of give and take. It's not easy, but well worth the efforts. I've been married 14 years and it keeps getting better. We went through a stage, probably about the same time as you that it seemed like all we did was argue, but it will work out if you want it to.

Answer 3

I think, some "power struggles" in a relationship are normal, but I don't know if they necessarily co-inside with the time of the "legal" marriage - especially if people had been living together for a while prior to getting married. I don't know if ALL women necessarily feel that they "own" you after the wedding, perhaps it is the case with your wife, tho.

Answer 4

First of all, you two seem to be strong individuals. But, I think you have to also look at what's going on. You have a 6 month old. My life changed soooo much more after children. My priorities went immediately to children mode. And my husband and I spend even less time together. It's hard work to keep it going. You two probably both didn't push it as much as you do now. Just remember, it really isn't a power struggle. Need to work it out, and BOTH of you have to make sacrafies and compromise. If one person sacrafices and gives up things they want to make the other person happy---then that person isn't happy.

Answer 5

the first week of anything often turns to chaos

real changes require real adjustments

I think the reality is not that after a wedding, she feels she owns you, but that, after the wedding, you finally are in it with her

think about it

if, three weeks ago, you had packed up your stuff and left, what would have been her recourse

she would have the mouth to feed
she would be starting over financially

you would be fat and happy

so, finally, after being an uncommitted bystander, you are now in the game

after risking little and enjoying all the benefits, now you have some committment, some risk

thats how I see it (this is not a female point of view, this is a FATHER's point of view)

any women who has sex with, and plays house for, a man she is not married to, is incredibly vulnerable

Answer 6

that may be true that she is trying to see how far she can push you or she may just be stressed out . you guys have a baby and you just got married there are alot of changes ... and maybe because you think that after everyone gets married there is conflict it is causing you to be more defensive i would just talk to her and let her know that since the wedding you feel a little change and ask her how she feels . and set down rules for fighting so it doesn't get out of hand .. my husband and i used to yell and scream and break stuff but after we did the rule thing it is much better no name calling no screaming just working through the disagreement .. neways congrats and good luck a marriage is hard you have to work for it

Answer 7

You are supposed to be in charge of the household because you are the husband. Maybe she has a problem with that. Try to discuss things before you do them. Even if it is just the power bill. Some women just like violent sex and that may be why she argues with you so much. If you didn't live together before you got married, then maybe you two just need time to get used to the fact that you are officially a family.

Answer 8

That's not true. I really think that now since you guys are married there will be a lot of problems and situations that you will come across now. I don't know what your beliefs are but I was always taught when the devil sees that you are trying to do right he will always try to do something to destroy. So the only thing I can tell is to pray and work things out with each other.

Answer 9

people get married without actually knowing the other person that well. when u start living together, u immediately learn the others annoying little quirks.

about ur wife, just tell her shes themost beautiful woman in the world, without her ur not complete, bring her flowers after an argument and say it wuz all ur fault and ur sorry. in the past, women were "seen and not heard" and had to submit unconditionally to the mans authority. well you wouldnt want her to say "yes master i hear and obey" to everything u say would u?? so be happy she has her own opinion. when u get in an argument, if she is not the apologizing type, you apologize even if its not ur fault. love is something that is precious and try to do whatever it takes to resolve ur arguments.

Answer 10

Roll with the punches, brother. Yep, you're in, and things are going to be rough at times. Practice letting go, and only making an issue of the big stuff. And, if sex seems to calm things down, and make things easier to deal with - THEN MAKE LOVE!! Intimacy seems to soothe you guys, so maybe that's the answer. She needs affection - so do you - so go for it. It's a heck of a lot better use of your energy than arguing...

Good luck and hang in there.

SF