first of all I want to thank ALL of you who posted on my last question! I appreciate it more than I could ever express... My dilemma isnt just whether or not I should leave him, but how. I know I can call the cops... but it's my house, owned my me before we were married, and I am afraid he will ruin everything I have worked so hard for. also as far as my ex is concerned, we dated 7 years ago, and we both have grown up SO MUCH since then...we dated when we were 16, and now, being 23 and having spent most of my young adult life (since I was 17) with my husband, I dont know how to feel... I sometimes feel that I was too young to marry, and was too impresionable. The abuse is not a daily thing, more like a bi-weekly thing... mostly verbal, but sometimes physical... I am just tired and need to feel like my thoughts are justified... *James*, the ex, has been talking with me and has said that despite his feelings for me, he ultamately wats me to be happy and has been helping me keep my mind.
2006-08-28 08:34:45 · 13 answers · asked by Hippychick04915 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds to me like you WERE too YOUNG when you married, but so was HE. The real difference is that it sound to me like you have grown up and he has NOT!!! You should not feel bad if you have him removed from your house by Police. ABUSE of a lady is the actions of a PUNK & COWARD!!!!!!!!! not a man. Don't fall for the old I won't do it again bit. He will!!!!! There are lots of NICE people in the world, therefore there is no need to ACCEPT anything less.
2006-08-28 08:49:12 · answer #1 · answered by Weatherman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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And that somehow makes it less offensive?
It's abuse.
You DO NOT deserve to be abused.
Even "occasionally".
Even "mostly verbally, but sometimes physical".
You DO NOT deserve it. PERIOD.
You're 23. You have plenty of time to go on and get your life back in order, but NOT if you keep making excuses for this jerk (which is what you're doing).
Which is really more important to you - a house, or your self-esteem?
Do you think somehow by NOT doing anything, it's going to get better? Or it will magically all go away? Or the Problem Fairy will swoop down and go "PING!" and take care of everything for you?
You have some tough decisions to make. They won't get any easier.
Personally, I think you need to dump the husband AND the ex, and figure out who the hell YOU are as an individual, first, before you can have any idea of who you are as part of a couple.
.
2006-08-28 15:40:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Abuse is abuse is abuse. You did get married too young though. Unless he wants to get counseling and stick to it then forget it.
The leading cause of death in young women is from a man they've either been with or are with. Don't put your life in danger. Your parents and family will be heart broken so tolerate NONE of it.
Dont' play the victim. Have this stopped. Also, don't bring another man into your relationship. It's wrong for you to be talking so intimately with an ex boyfriend while your still married. Your ex boyfriend will tell you anything you want because he wants to be with you and looks at this as an opening. Either break it off completely, or give an ultimatum and tell him counseling or see ya.
2006-08-28 15:39:46 · answer #3 · answered by Ice4444 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Domestic violence occurs when a family member, partner or ex-partner attempts to physically or psychologically dominate or harm the other.
It is estimated that every year in the United States, approximately 3 million women are assaulted by their partner. One in four women in the U.S will be assaulted by their partner over their lifetimes.
There is no excuse to tolerate beating verbal or sexual abuse. It will never subside and with time will be frequent and violent. Also staying in abusive relation hurts children. Study shows that children when they become an adults will be more likely to abuse their spouses.
2006-08-28 15:54:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recommend this:
Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum
2006-08-28 15:40:59 · answer #5 · answered by Rob N 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HOW DO YOU BREAK UP?
FIRST OF ALL, YOU QUIT MAKING EXCUSES FOR HIM.
YOU CALL THE COPS TO ASSIST HIM WITH GATHERING A FEW ITEMS, AND ARRANGE FOR HIM TO GER MOVERS TO PACK AND DELIVER THE REST OF HIS STUFF TO A STORAGE FACILITY.
YOU TAKE HIS KEYS AND GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. YOU HAVE THE LOCKSMITH CHANGE THE LOCKS JUST IN CASE.
YOU DO NOT LET HIM MANILPULATE YOU AND SAY THINGS YOU WANT TO HEAR HIM SAY.
YOU PUT YOURSELF FIRST, AND SEVER TIES WITH HIM.
YOU FILE FOR A LEGAL SEPARATION AND COUNT HOW EVER MANY MONTHS YOUR STATE REQUIRES BEFORE YOU CAN FILE FOR A DIVORCE.
YOU PART WAYS AND MOVE ON. YOU FORGIVE HIM FOR NOT BEING THE RIGHT GUY FOR YOU, YOU THANK HIM FOR THE EXPERIENCE, AND YOU MOVE ON. YOU BETTER YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HIM. YOU SHOW HIM THAT THIS WON'T DESTROY YOU.
HE HAS PROBLEMS HE NEEDS HELP WITH, AND YOU ARE JUST IN THE WAY. LET HIM GO SO HE CAN GET HELP.
2006-08-28 15:45:07 · answer #6 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but if he doesnt leave, then you need to get an order of protection. I'm sorry about how things have turned out for you, but ultimately, you need to take care of yourself. Every day, once a month, it doesnt matter. Abuse is abuse, if he wants you to be happy, then tell him he needs to get out!
2006-08-28 15:38:28 · answer #7 · answered by love 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If abuse happens once, it is too much. Get rid of him, even if you have to call the police. You are miserable and that is no way to live.
2006-08-28 17:59:04 · answer #8 · answered by doglady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him touch you one more time then call the cops. Have your cell phone handy. They'll take him away. He can send a relative for his things. You'll never have to see him again.
2006-08-28 15:42:27 · answer #9 · answered by murph_ltt 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When he is gone check into an attorney to what you can do about the situation. put money away, so if something happens to you that you need it for emergency you have it without him knowing.
2006-08-28 15:43:07 · answer #10 · answered by really???? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋