Should I stay or should I go?

Question

my husband and I were married a year ago, and he has a very bad temper. he has a tendancy of hurting me physically with "restraint" as he likes to call it, and I have been debating on whether or not I should leave him. We have a very odd relationship, we both love eachother, but when he gets mad, he ALWAYS starts by yelling, and then sometimes, he will attack me while i am not looking and "restrain" me to the floor... he has spit in my face, and caused bruises that I cover by telling people that it was me either falling, running into a corner of a bookcase... bla bla bla, or so it feels... within the past 2 weeks, out of a fluke, I have been e-mailing a ex boyfriend, who is super supportive of me and my relationship, he has also given me the strive to go back to school, and make something of my life, where as my husband is more concerned how his dinner is going to be made... I am torn, should I leave my husband and give my ex a seccond chance, or should I lye in the bed I have made?

Answer 1

Leave him honey. I left my husband 3 months ago and... it wasn't even as bad as you have it. I DON'T regret it. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not easily angered... and so and so on... You get the idea... Feel free to message me if you need support. I'm going through it right now... [e-mail]

Answer 2

What you think is love isn't. I have an ex-husband that used "restraint" in arguments. Eventually the restraint caused bruising. Then I got a slap. Eventually kicks in the ribs while pregnant. It always gets worse. I almost died at the age of 19. As for the ex-boyfriend. When your hubby finds out you've been talking to him he will either break your hands or knock your teeth out. Trust me I know. Leave and don't call. He can talk to your lawyer. If you leave and then go back he will try to kill you. I am not overreacting. I've lived it. When I went back He tried to kill me. Get out and don't go back.

Answer 3

If you both love each other there is hope....You should sit down with him with family in the next room away from you both and tell him how afraid you are of his temper and that you cannot be in this unhealthy relationship until he seeks help suggest he go to anger management classes to help him deal with his anger problem. Some people need help in how to deal with anger and probably as a children was around abusive family members and that's how he's learned to express them. Anger management will make him deal with it differently. As for you connecting with a ex doesn't help the matter and will make the situation more dangerous for you - cause if he ever finds out his anger may explode and may hurt you even worse than you've been hurt before. Why choose a ex-bf to help you through this - don't you have girlfriends or family members who are willing to assist you?

Answer 4

Obviously your husband is abusive physically.And its only going to get worse.If you have to lie and cover up bruises its already gone to far,when you are married you are supposed to love and respect each other and he dosent respect you at all,if he did he would not restrain you as you put it.You say he sneaks up on you and throws you to the floor to restrain you.Thats not restraining thats an all out attck.Restraining would be if you were coming at him and he grabbed your hands or something.If you havent already talked to him about this and how it makes you feel i would if i were you but only if you feel you can or safe.You could try to get counceling but he will probaly say he dosent have a prob and blame on you anyway.If you are scared for your well being by all means get the hell out of there as fast and as safe as you can.As for the ex boyfriend i would be careful with thar use your own judgement on that there is a reason why he is your ex correct?And hope if your hubby finds out that he wont kill him cause he sounds like a real psycho.Good luck to you sweetie

Answer 5

If your husband is restraining you or hurting you physically or emotionally, you need to get the h--- out of Dodge! If you think it will stop, you are only fooling yourself. Generally once a man is abusive, he will be abusive for the duration of the relationship and you could one day end up dead! Take it from someone who has been where you are now, the only way an abusive person stops being abusive is when he dies. Even if the abuser get help, he rarely stops beating up. Before you try to hook up with another, you need to deal with the abusive situation you have been in and take time to heal. When one has been abused, he tends to be suspicious of even the most gentle. Make sure you contact your local domestic violence shelter if and when you do decide to leave the situation. There is a wealth of resources there to help you get out, get any counseling you might need, help with any legal aspects, and help you re-establish yourself in a new home if need be. Please don't let him make you a statistic.

Answer 6

I know you are torn. On the one hand, your husband belongs in jail for assault. (That's the brutal truth.) Marriage is not to be ended lightly but abuse is a deal-breaker. If you think you'll be safe from abuse, tell him that he's guilty of assault and that's a deal-breaker. If you don't feel safe telling him that to his face, do it from a women's safe house or some other safe place by phone or email. Do NOT CONTINUE in this relationship. Going back to school is a wonderful idea and I hope you do that in any case. If you need more help or information, there are web sites. Message me if it will help.
PS. Leave your husband but wait to "give your ex a second chance."

Answer 7

You're torn? It's hard to leave an established relationship, since you have that familiarity and love for each other. I hope you recognize the fact that it's probably not the healthiest relationship and at this point is not making you happy.

Spouses should not have a need to harm each other. Realize that you're being physically (and emotionally) abused and that you should distance yourself from your husband as far and as quickly as possible. You're in a really dangerous situation.

Answer 8

I'd like to suggest that you get educated on spousal abuse, then make up your own mind.
My personal experience is just that. I became resentful that my former husband treated me in ways that I'd never treat anyone. If I spoke to him about it, he'd make excuses or outright lie and say that it had never happened. In his mind it was acceptable. I felt I could change him. I stuck it out for over 15 years. I became severely depressed, the longer I stayed, I though I'd never be strong enough to get out.
I took a friend to a community service place that deals with abuse. She was being battered, and needed a ride. I got to read some of the literature and realized a few things. I went for consuling, tried to get him to come, and a whole bunch of things happened. He was given many opportunities to change. He flatly refused to attend consuling and other things. My depression lifted, and I felt able to make decisions again that were in the interest of myself and children.
I'm glad you have been able to at least ask for help even if it is in this forum. It is a step in taking care of you. You do not yet have to leave him. You have an opportunity to work with him.

Answer 9

Leave your husband before things get worse cause they never get better they only get worse. But don't go getting back with your ex just yet either. Just focus on getting yourself together mentally,physically and emotionally. Going from an abusive marriage back into your ex's arms is just something you shouldn't do. At least not right away until you have gotten yourself together.

Answer 10

You and your husband you seek some help professionally. You should also start working on yourself. You seem to have low self esteem. If you and your ex broke up, leave it that way. You broke up for a reason. Now if you broke up because you two moved to different places in your life, then give him another chance. For right now, you need to gain some self esteem about yourself and get yourelf together, before you end up 6 ft deep.