How does a breastfeeding mom find time for anything else?

Question

I have a 2-year-old that I have to make some time for. I can barely set the baby down long enough to get myself a snack (much less a meal) & yet I am supposed to find time to cook for my daughter & clean the house??? I haven't had an unrushed shower or bath since my newborn was born 13 days ago. HELP!

PS: If you suggest having my husband help out, that doesn't help. He's not very helpful at all.

Answer 1

First off.....Your baby is only 2 weeks old! The first 6 weeks are the hardest part of it. There are LOTS of growth spurts very close together early on. (Around 7-10 days, 2-3 weeks, 4-6 weeks, 3 months) After the first 6 weeks it will be easier and it will most likely be a breeze by the time you pass the 3 mos growth spurt.

At two weeks old, YOU SHOULDN'T be doing much else besides nursing and caring for the baby and yourself. You SHOULDN'T be cooking and cleaning the house! YOU JUST HAD A BABY SWEETIE! You NEED to sit down and talk to hubby about this. It is his DUTY to help out and you're most likely gonna end up resentful of it if he doesn't learn to help. You have to be a team.

Some things around the house need to slide. YOU HAVE A NEWBORN. The baby and your 2 year old are more important than keeping a spotless house. Decide what really needs done and what can slide for a while. Make a list of things that needs done and keep it on the fridge. If people ask "how can I help" then point them to the list. Let them pick something to do to help.

Do you have relatives nearby who can help? Friends or neighbors? Church members? Call in the cavelry! You need support from your tribe right now so that you can get breastfeeding established and transition to your new role of mom of 2 kids.

Get a sling so that you can do things and care for your oldest while you are nursing and caring for the baby.

While you nurse the baby, read to the 2 year old. Or put him at a table near you with crayons to color or playdough. Get some puppets and you can play puppets with him with one hand while using the other to hold and nurse baby. Does he have any little "guys" to play with? The little plastic figures that look like Jojo or Elmo or whoever he likes? My kids hid them under my Boppy pillow and we played "hide and seek" with them while I nursed.

Simplify meals. Soup. Sandwiches. Have hubby grab takeout for you on the way home. Use a crockpot and just throw everything in when you get a chance and let it cook all day. Crockpot meals might last you 2 or 3 days. Make hubby cook when he gets home from work. On weekends when hubby is home, cook something big that will last a few days. You can use it up or freeze some for the next week.

Buy convenience foods for yourself. Make sure you have fresh fruit, cereal bars, granola bars, protein shakes, bagels and cream cheese, etc. that you can just grab and eat during the day when you have a second. Also, most of that you can handle eating with one hand. Keep acceptable snacks for your toddler where he can just grab them for himself with your permission so you don't have to get up every time. Take a loaf up bread and make the entire thing up as PB&J and put it back in the bag and store it in the fridge.

Shower before hubby leaves in the morning or after he gets home at night. Or take a bath and put baby beside the bathtub in her carseat or bouncy seat or laying on a pile of towels and talk to her while you bathe.

If you can get both kids to rest at the same time, you should be resting too and not cleaing like a madwoman.

Set ONE goal for yourself each day. Your first one should be to get yourself fed every day! After that, decide what your priorities are and take LITTLE STEPS to get there.

Answer 2

It's all part of being a mom. I have a 3 year old, a 19 month old, and a 5 month old and my husband has been away for 8 months. It is hard but you find ways to manage. Sometimes the baby has to cry while you deal with the others or the older ones have to wait while you deal with the baby. Having a schedule helps a lot. The baby is new so it does get easier as the baby gets older. I have successfully breastfed all my children and am still breastfeeding the baby (until he is a year). I really rely on family. My mom came to stay with me for 3 weeks in the beginning because I had a repeat c-section and without my husband I needed the help while I recovered. My in laws are a big help also. I also have a babysitter who comes for a few hours a couple times a week so I can go to the grocery store or do things that are harder with the 3 kids.
Do you have family close by or can you afford a babysitter or housekeeper at least once a week. My house is always a mess and I really don't care I have 3 kids. I keep the bathrooms, and kitchen clean and do laundry everyday so it doesn't pile up on me. Good luck.

Answer 3

things will get better I promise. I also have a 2 year old-girl and a 10 week old-boy.And also breastfeeding. I am lucky though my little 10 week old is all ready on a schedule. (close to my daughters) so needless to say I take a shower while both are napping isn't till 1:00 but hey at least it gets done. I found that doing little things like picking up a few toys or every time you walk into the kitchen put the dishes in the dishwasher or something small that needs to be done. And then when they both go down for the night between 9-and 10 there tons of stuff that needs to be done cause i've been doing the little things during the day. So I strongly advise trying to get the newborn on kind-of the same sleeping pattern as your 2yr old. Like sleeping when it's her nap time and her bed time. It will get easier I promise. Plus your house doesn't need to be cean (spotless) everyday. Enjoy your time with your children if the house bothers your husband for him to watch the kids for an hour while you do it or do it him self then he won't say anything because if he's like my husband he just put in a long day and doesn't want to clean or tend just relax and play with the kido's is all he wants.

Answer 4

get a baby sling. i wish i had had one during the first few months of my daughter's life. she loved it, and i could nurse her and do other things (like eat and pee) at the same time. they also make slings that are meant to be used in the shower, so you can bathe yourself and your daughter at the same time.

you can also get a little bouncy seat and put her in that by the tub while you take your shower. sometimes the sound of the water can help soothe the baby - and if she's calm and happy, you can take your time with the shower.

i hope things get better soon, darling. give it time, let things settle, and for the love of pete, don't bother with the house. if your husband complains, tell him to call a freaking maid. this early on, sleep when your daughter sleeps, and if you can, make it resting time for everybody, including your two-year-old. have her doing something quiet while you and the baby are getting some rest. send her somewhere else for an hour or two if at all possible.

it doesn't sound like you have much family around - but if you have friends who love you and care about you, now's the time to call in favors. lots of people won't help unless they're asked - they just assume you've got things covered.

and if that doesn't work, email me. you can come stay with us for a while - my daughter just turned three and would LOVE someone to play with!

Answer 5

OK Husband has to help. Period. Any other way will ruin a marriage. (my first marriage broke up when my second son was 8 weeks old) Tell Dad to take off his shirt and feed the baby a breast milk bottle that you have pumped. While Dad has the new baby. Take a good shower and eat. Then get the baby back from Dad. All four of you then need to sit (or if the baby is asleep leave it out of this one) And play with your older daughter.

Answer 6

have your daughter sit next to you on the couch when you breastfeed and read her a book. Other than that, a dirty house is not going to kill anyone and make simple dinners. If your husband is unwilling to help out then he at least shouldn't complain if things are not perfect. Take a deep breath and relax. Some things are going to have to slide and house work and elegant dinners are a good thing to get rid of the first few months. I found a babyswing in the bathroom really helped me to get a good shower in. I had one for the living room and one for the bathroom so the baby would nap while I showered.

Answer 7

I know the feeling, but sometimes, you just have to do what you can and let everything else go for a bit. Baby's underfoot and baby's at breast, and you're supposed to catch up on your sleep while they're sleeping AND clean the house to perfection? LOL Plan meals that are easy to handle. With fair weather outside, it's great to be able to push the hubby out to bbq. Mine makes half the dinner 5 out of 7 nights during summer.

It's a bit of a space hog, but here's a great poem that lots of moms will smile about. Just do what you can, look after yourself, the babes, hubby, and house, in loose order.

Song for a Fifth Child by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

Answer 8

I didn't feel that way but I only have one. Look into a good sling so you can wear your baby around the house and have two hands free. Any breastfeeding sight should have recommendations for good ones. Good luck

P.S. I'll probably be asking the same question soon!

Answer 9

Explore babywearing! Find a local group to help you out.

Answer 10

You need to stop complain first off. You decided to have children so stop making up excuses for yourself. My mother had three children all under the age of three and never complained, according to her. My father was always out of town trying to make a living for his family while my mother had a 2 year old toddler, a 18 month old baby and a new born and still managed to take care of the house make dinner etc. So stop complaining you wanted children you got them so deal with it and take care of your responsibilities. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, your a mother so act like one. You young mothers now a days is all you do is complain about how difficult it is. None of the women in my family never did.