Should I tell my husband who is deployed that I have recently cheated?

Question

I have never cheated on my husband before in 3 years and never thought I would. I was doing so well the first 8 months he was gone...so strong and so focused.. I am a good wife and good mother and a good person. I have recently cheated and I know I did it because I was alone and wanted the attention, not for the sex, but there is no exscuse. I am so messed up inside and I love him so much. He would never do something like this to me and up till now I never thought so either. The guy I have cheated with has feelings for me and now I'm just so confused I don't know what to do. I am so alone and so emotional right now and so dissapointed in myself and I don't want to ruin my marriage because I feel guilty. He even said before he left, if I did cheat it would be for emotional reasons not the sex, I just never knew he would be right....Has anyone been where I am that can help!!

Answer 1

First of all, you need to sit back and breath for a moment. You have shown great courage by even posting this on here. I am a Navy wife myself, and those who cast stones (like the people below me) most likely do not walk a mile in our shoes. The deployments, the lonely months, climbing into bed with no one there to share the day with. Taking care and raising kids, missing holidays, having no one to connect with....I get it. Most of us military wives do....however, you cannot tell him while he is gone. You will make him one of the thousands of "dear john's" that we hear of all the time. I know you have heard the horror stories, and you probably reacted with OH MY GOD!! NEVER!! I am sure that you are a good person, mother and wife, with the best of intentions. And sometimes, when we are thrown into this life that we lead, we end up disappointing ourselves with the decisions that we have made. However, I am NOT telling you not to tell him at all. He has a right to know. Because it will end up hurting you in the long run. You won't be able to breath easy, or return to what you had when he comes home. And you will carry it around with you until you feel like you are suffocating. Let him come, get settled, and tell him straight forward. There is counseling available, there is children involved, and you have your military family to lean on...you will make it through this, you just need to give yourself time. And most of all, if you haven't already, STOP DOING WHAT YOU WERE DOING. Continuing it means that you have no remorse whatsoever.

Answer 2

Remember you are an unfaithful wife. You have cheated an honest husband.Do not cheat again.Do not tell your husband you have cheated.He would never forgive you for ever, man do not forgive , someday in future he would remind you. Let sleeping dogs sleep.but you may become a habitual cheater and at some point of time , you will be caught. The cerificate of Good wife, mother and person should be given by your husband , you can not presume all this yourself. That you are bad Wife is amply proved by your action.being alone is as you yourself say no reason to cheat.Do not fool yourself and others saying it was for emotional reason and not for sex.accept your fault atleast to yourself and be good.

Answer 3

I know how hard it is to go through this...my husband is in the military as well, and I found myself in a constant struggle to stay faithful while he was away.
Honesty is always the best policy...however, he has important duties to do overseas now, and I think you should save this piece of information for when he comes home. Right now, he needs to focus on the tasks at hand, and he needs to feel confident that he has someone who loves him waiting back at home.
Make sure that before your husband comes back, you break things off with this new guy. You made a commitment to your husband, and shouldn't break it just because of a temporary situation. I know it is hard to do, but the best things in life are never easy.

Answer 4

I understand your alone. But so is your husband he is in another country with lots of strangers. Cheating on him when he is out their fighting for OUR FREEDOM is so wrong. You should have had more self control. A marriage that has cheating in it won't last very long. Please try to control your self for the next time. Do not deal with the guy anymore. Your husband deserves someone who during these hard times is at home thinking about him. Buy your self some toys and enjoy your self while looking at his picture. Surround your self with other wives of deployed husbands. So you won;t be so lonely. Good Luck

Answer 5

Wow it must be tough having someone you love over seas. It kind of made me sick to read that you cheated on him. I don't know what to say because I have never been in that situation. I bet it is hard, but if you love your husband enough, you would be able to stay pure for him while he is risking his life for our country. How needy are you? I know emotions get tough, but rely on support from your close girlfriends, get a hobby, or become closer with your children. Why you would sleep with someone for 'emotional' reasons is a crappy excuse. I'm sorry. Your husband deserves to know and if he is nice enough to give you another chance, you better not betray him again. My heart goes out to your husband.

Answer 6

Your husband is over there fighting for our freedoms and others and you say you cheated because you were lonely. My husband is gone all week, i get lonely but i don't go out cheating. You could have joined a club or got out with girlfriends, do you think he gets to do that. You need to tell him when he gets to come home don't do it while he is fighting over there, he needs his thoughts for over there for now, but he has the right to know. That was the cowards way to do that to him. You are going to feel guilty you did something very wrong and it's going to eat at you. But you need to wait till he is home to tell him he don't need anything to distract him while he is there.

Answer 7

Well, other than calling you names, I would have to say that you should just accept the fact that you have needs too. Leave the dog sleep and forgive yourself. If you have a very understanding husband, he will never forget what you have told us if you tell him, even though he says he will. It will always be in the back of his mind. Always. How do I know this? I had a bf who I had broke up (2 weeks) with and I was partying at another mans house (who was his friend) and we decided to fool around but right before he was going to put it in I broke out laughing at the situation. Needless to say, it deflated him and we didn't fool around. The guy went back and told my ex that we had slept together and he still brings it up to this day (16 yrs.). We were never married, but take it from me, if you tell him, he'll never forget. Leave the can unopened. Just forgive yourself and move on with your life. Tell the other guy to scram, it was fun, but you got what you wanted, now leave.

Answer 8

If you really loved your husband, were a good wife, and a good person then you would have realized that your husband is also lonely and craving for attention from his "wife". Don't say anything now, I am sure he has enough to worry about serving his country. But you should really tell him when he returns, he deserves to know.

Answer 9

First off, you are not a good person...your husband is overseas serving his country risking his life and you are here wanting attention and cheat on him?? The last thing that he needs right now is to hear that you cheated on him. I would wait until he gets home, he at least deserves to hear it from you in person.

Answer 10

No, don't tell him -he has enough to worry about right now-wait until he comes back(if he comes back) and then tell him. I know what its like to be alone, but that was really a low thing to do under the circumstances. You need to be worried more about your husband over there fighting for you and everyone else every day!!!!