Ok.. my boyfriend is fat. Ive made many very clear hints to lose the weight. Ive made bets with him, pointed out the size of his parents, made him promise to eat no more fast food, and i had little minor talks with him. I tried everything.. i even considered slipping diet pills in his drink!
When we first started dating he was 235lbs... now he is 265. i dont like "doing anything" with him because its such a turn off. He doesnt find motivation to excercise and cant control his eating habits.
I push off goin to the shore with him.. cus im embarrased when he takes his shirt off.
So many people tell me to dump him, but i cant.. i love him madly. \
But i cant be with someone forever if im gonna be disgusted everytime i look at him.
I know looks/weight should not come between 2 people in love, but hes pushing it.
please! give me some advice! what the hell should i do!?
thank you.
2006-08-28 06:01:38 · 27 answers · asked by Krys 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
If you love him, you love him unconditionally. When I met my husband I was 95lbs. Then I had a transplant and the anti-rejection medications made me put on 130lbs in 3 months. I went from 95lbs to 225lbs. My husband constantly told me how beautiful I was to him and how much he loved me. Eventually, I was able to lose over 100lbs and although I am not as skinny as I used to be, he still loves me and adores me.
All you can do, is sit him down and explain you are afraid of losing him to diabetes, kidney disease (from the diabetes), heart attack and/or stroke.
Good luck.
2006-08-28 06:12:31 · answer #1 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my girlfriend. She is overweight and she doesn't have motivation to do anything about it. I'm not so worried about looks, I'm just worried about her health. I know how you feel, cuz I love her to death too. Here are some things that I do... I try to cook as often as possible so I can control the amount of oil and salt. When we eat out, I ask for wheat breads, brown rice, brown pasta and when the entree comes with sides, get veggies. Creamy salad dressings are bad for you but the way I see it is, at least you are eating the veggies this way. When I buy groceries, I choose the healthier version, "light", "low sodium", "reduce fat", etc. When we go out, I park in the back of the parking lot so we can walk a few more steps. It's a lot of effort but it becomes a habit. Also don't stop nagging him, keep reminding him to be healthier. Good luck!
2006-08-28 06:20:37 · answer #2 · answered by city_boy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you love him, and reading your other comments about him, then my guess would be is>> You Love him but more like a brother. When you truely love someone, it goes alot deeper then the color of their hair or the size. How does he treat you ? Is he respectful, caring, giving? Is he intune to You? You see everyone wants that perfect guy and there isnt one, nor is there a perfect women. I'm sure you can find alot of men out there that are shaped like a Body builder and so on. But I bet you those guys have the personality of Conceited Ahole. Ya gotta ask yourself. What's most pleasureable for you. And if you want the body builder looking type then be prepared to take his attitude too.
Take a piece of paper and write down all your B/Fs Good Quallities and his Bad Quallities.......If the Good out weighs the bad, then ya better think hard before you drop him too fast. Remember he may be having a rought time now with his weight, BUT if you drop him, then 1yr later you see him with another woman and he's thinned up real nice, Just remember you gave him up and now someone else is enjoying him..
2006-08-28 06:30:21 · answer #3 · answered by Kathy W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a difference between looks and caring about how your health is affecting you and others.
Looks don't matter, and if the only issue here was about how the guy looks, it wouldn't be a problem. However, his weight IS already an issue in your relationship. You need to talk about this with him very frankly in a major talk. Tell him that you love him, but that he has to take control of his weight, for himself more than for you. Others have done it, he can too!
He may need to join a program like overeaters anonymous, or Weight Watchers.
He may have deeper issues to deal with that are stopping him from taking control of his weight. If this is the case, then he really needs to deal with these before he can be a part of a good relationship.
Love is action. If you love him, you will try to help him deal with this. If he loves you, he will.
Good luck!
2006-08-31 08:27:31 · answer #4 · answered by crazyperson1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay with him. I was afraid to date my husband because he was over weight. Really afraid of what my friends and family would think. But he is the most amazing person in the world and would give anything for me. Together we went on a diet after we got married and now we are both very fit and healthy. You never know how someone will change. Try doing things with him that will help him lose the weight. Don't ask him out right our he will get down on his self.
2006-08-28 06:18:06 · answer #5 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you choose to be with him, be with him. Diet together. Walk together. Exercise together. Make him some obscene sexual promises :). Tell him he's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with and do not want to have to worrying about him having a heart attack due to his weight. Buy and keep everything in your fridge lowfat ,skim milk, diet pop, etc.. Don't sit there and expect him to eat a salad when you have a Big Mac. When you go to the shore, swim with him. It might take some time for him to lose the weight but it will take longer for you to find a love like you have now if you dump him. Capiche?
2006-08-28 06:12:32 · answer #6 · answered by windandwater 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey. I don't think looks matter, but as in your case, being hefty is no longer a cosmetic issue, but it really limits what you can do together! He's not going to want to go on hiking trips or be able to go canoeing, for one (not to mention that which you hinted at). But you should find out if there is an underlying cause for the weight. Are there hidden emotional issues, or medical reasons? Being overweight, for most, is a lifelong battle, so you might have to be prepared for that in the long haul. His food issues are well-ingrained, so it will take a lot to change him, and it has to be him who makes the choice to make radical changes.
2006-08-28 06:10:12 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course weight matters when you love someone! Being overweight may cause health problems. Try talking to him about the dangers of obesity. Check out http://www.sparkpeople.com If he's interested in getting help he can get it for free here. If he's willing to put in the effort and make a change, you should be supportive and stick it out... even if you don't like the way he looks at this point. Remember that you can only help a person if they want help. If he's not willing to make a change, maybe it's time to part ways. Staying together might only make both of you miserable.
2006-08-28 06:08:45 · answer #8 · answered by asdfjkl; 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are going to leave if he doesnt take care of himself better. If he loves you and wants you to be happy too, he will. Make him jealous of the fact that all these athletic guys check you out all the time, and how hawt you think it is.... maybe he will wisen up to the fact that you are (probably) a good lookin girl and could have an athletic guy if you wanted, and that he is LUCKY to have you, and should try his hardest. If that doesnt work... Remove all the soda/and junk food from his home. I lost 20 lbs in 3 months from NOT drinking soda anymore.
2006-08-28 06:05:43 · answer #9 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your hints and bets and making him promise things are doing the reverse for you. he probably doesn't feel good about himself already and you might be making it worse. You really can't change a person if they don't want to change or not ready to change. Maybe its a medical issue. has he had a physical? If you really love him it would not be an issue. Your friends sound like some real winners telling you to dump him..Makes me wonder what kind of friends they would be if YOU gained weight. HUMMM
2006-08-28 06:17:14 · answer #10 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He ought to dump YOU. You are not one bit encouraging or loving. He does not need things pointed out to him, or dares made, etc.... He simply needs acceptance and tenderness. People respond better to compliments and encouragement, than they do to dares and criticisms and pointing out that their parents are skinny and all the immature things you are doing. Why not just suggest going on a walk. Don't say a WORD about how he needs to walk and how you are only doing it so he will lose weight. Why don't YOU cook him some health food, but camoflage it, so he doesn't realize it is diet food. There is all kinds of things YOU could be doing to help him. Maybe he is secretly unhappy with YOU, and eats to find comfort. Who knows? All I know is that your methods SUCK. Your hounding and comments aren't helping one bit.
2006-08-28 06:16:58 · answer #11 · answered by lcamel2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋