When he was born his Mom couldnt care for him emotionally ( at 6 months old a family member described him as "blank, no emotions at all") He was given to family members - 3 "sisters" (cousins) who loved him dearly and showed him great affection, and his aunt who showed him a love-hate relationship (she was mentally ill and physically abused him often if he acted out). He was eventually taken from there and put into foster care where he rebelled and ended up in juvinile detention until he turned 18. He has also been thru a lot of loss and trauma involving the death of family members and others close to him. When his past is so involved and confusing - where does he start? How does he "fix" himself? The desire is there, but we are both overwhelmed with his past. He functions fairly well overall - does that mean he is supressing his emotions? Is it possible someone could go thru so much and be "okay"?
2006-08-28 06:01:17 · 14 answers · asked by plenymo 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
wow...thats alot for one to take ...i hope he's "okay"
2006-08-28 06:07:16 · answer #1 · answered by lsr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am reminded of my daughter-in-law. When she was a little girl, her parents divorced, and as usual in our sexist society, her mom was ruled more fit for custody.
Her mom got the child support money, and gave none of it to the girl, nor did she buy food for her. The girl had to go out and find ways to get food, or find friends who would give her something to eat.
Once, she want to live with a friend, she was gone two weeks and when she came back her mom had not noticed her absence.
Somehowshe stayed out of serious trouble, and in her late teens, she was finally allowed to live with her dad. They had problems because she was used to being on her own, and he wanted to make sure she was not in trouble.
Still, in the end, he really cared for her. She finished high school, went to college and became a registered nurse.
Later, she went back and became a nursing practitioner, which is sort of like a doctor. They can diagnose illnesses; they can prescribe medicine. The only difference is they must work in an office with a doctor, and after each patient, they show the file to the doctor and he/she has to initial the file to show they find it correct. They use them and PA's in places where there is a shortage of doctors.
Now, she is a mom, my son is a college professor, and they have a really neat baby who is just starting to talk.
I get al goose-bumpy thinking about that sweet little kid she must have been, totally neglected, and yet avoided serious problems. And, I get furious when I think of all the kids, probably at least 50%, who have a capable father, but because of evil sexism, the kids go to mommy without a serious thought, even if she's a fiend.
So, yes it is possible for someone to be okay.
By the way, see www.emofree.com and if it makes sense after you download the free manual, try to find a way to buy the $60 videos. It really works. My son is using the videos, and it beats dangerous tranquilizers.
2006-08-28 13:23:01 · answer #2 · answered by retiredslashescaped1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he will be okay. I've had a similar childhood, also abused by a mentally ill aunt. My cousin's kid was also and now I'm wondering where he is. I'm also wondering who the man is that you're referring to because it might be him.
Well, back to myself. I got a lot of therapy. I needed it badly. I never took any anti-depressants or anxiety pills though, because they are very addicting and would block my way through the feelings. I had to work out these feelings of anger and pain of being rejected and abused. I still work at it and will have to all the rest of my life. The good things is that I got through the hardest part--self loathing and what really helped me is that I had other family members that loved me and I pull up the memory of that love. I can guess that he feels this way at times--tell him to remember the people who loved him. (I use loved because even if the 'cousins' have passed away he still holds the love in his heart--I do and they have all died).
His aunt probably had to go through her own pain and then took it out on him. It isn't her fault--she was ill, but he still needs to face these demons and get over them. He still has to feel all the anger, etc.. Medication will only cover it, not make it disappear.
I put myself through college and am going back to get my master's. There is always hope and he will make it if he wants to! With your support he will. He needs to know that you care and are there for him. Then he can go on like I did! The best place to start is with a good therapist that he feels comfortable with and that works with him. Good luck to the both of you!
2006-08-28 13:19:35 · answer #3 · answered by Elizabeth S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to forgive and to be forgiven, I suggest bringing him to the lord it will help him along with yourselves. Did you see the answer you first recieved recieved where the person so bluntly said, he really didn't care, thats the people of the world for you. This youth needs a healing from within and a rebirth in Jesus Christ. If you would start attenting services in the Church of Christ along with him it will do you all a world of good. Don't mistake this Church with any other, please there is a big difference. Where I am sending is where you will learn sound teaching and its very stable, I think when you get there you'll see it for yourself and know what I mean.
I am hoping you will take him and give him that chance he needs.
Its great to hear how so many children made it with while being emotionally broken, I myself being was one of those could never get whole until I foundthe Lord then thats when my success story started. My story is very long and dramatic a pyhchatric once suggested that I write my story.
2006-08-28 13:24:34 · answer #4 · answered by Joyous Dawn in the morning 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has been in juvie and you acknowledge that you both feel overwhelmed then no, he isn't ok at this point. That doesn't mean with the right help - either long or short-term - that he can't come to terms with everything and put it behind him and focus on the future. Is there someone who helped him in the past that he trusts? This would be a good first point of contact for reaching out and establishing what he needs and who can provide it. If there isn't then either of your regular doctors should be able to come up with some names of a therapist or counsellor in your area who comes recommended. The most important thing is finding someone he relates to and trusts so that he can be open and honest, don't be afraid to try more than one person.
2006-08-28 13:11:00 · answer #5 · answered by Behhar B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW! That is a lot to go through. I thought I had a rough childhood but compared to this guy, my childhood was OK. I'm sure that with time, he will get better. Time heals all wounds. My Grandmother sprayed me with pepper spray, right in the eyes, on purpose. I thought I could never forgive her. Maybe I won't ever forgive her. But, I do talk to her now. Talk to this guy. Show him love and understanding. He needs a friend that he can rely on and trust. He'll realize that all people are not bad and he will open up to you. Slowly, he'll be "fixed," As long as the desire is there. Take things one day at a time. He'll eventually be "okay."
2006-08-28 13:16:24 · answer #6 · answered by Tiffy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I did, I went through the system and had a past with bad things. When i turned 18 I learned of Jesus and He changed me. I am a new person drastically and have been changed, though certainly not perfect. I would say this that self help and psychology have truth in them and are helpful to an extent. The fault is this they may diagnose what is wrong but then have no power to change them except by doping drugs. In this state man is seperated from God because of sin, however Jesus took the punishment for our sin by dying for us to bring us to God as righteous and then God enters our heart by His Holy Spirit and changes you in power. livingwaters.com
2006-08-29 03:49:57 · answer #7 · answered by dt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is possible to go throgh so much and be ok...Life is what you make of it now and yes there will always be scares. Happiness is around the corner and you are a stronger person now everything teaches us a lesson and this was a long one....You will be a great parent because of it.
2006-08-28 13:09:36 · answer #8 · answered by carrie_mathey 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes alot of children suffer through that terrible childhood and have to deal with it as adults. your past will never go away but you can be a functional adult and still learn to love and be loved you have to build yourself up day by day physically and mentally to deal with the worlds unloving ways. Strength has to be built
2006-08-28 13:09:39 · answer #9 · answered by la ruesh 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely, some have even been through worse and came out being okay, it takes alot of work but can be done.
2006-08-28 13:08:16 · answer #10 · answered by mysticideas 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's possible but very unlikely...he's probably "swallowing" his emotions thinking he's "controlling" or dispersing them.
he needs to start COUNSELING with a counselor familiar with family issues...he needs to confront and find strategies to cope with the complex emotions related to his traumatic upbringing.
otherwise he'll start coping in unhealthy ways...
2006-08-28 13:09:54 · answer #11 · answered by R J 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋