this is a long story so i will shorten it as much as possible..last summer we seperted cause he is an alcoholic, came back in january not drinking. things were going bad so i started to talk to another guy. husband began drinking again so i was gong to talk to him about aa or he had to leave, then today he went into my messenger and saw a conversation between me and a friend and i told her about the other guy..so he found out and wants to leave in a week. i have not slept with this guy, but he has gone back to drinking. should i talk to him and try to work on the marriage and stop talking ot the guy or should i just let it be and go ahead with a divorce? what would you do?
2006-08-28 05:57:13 · 13 answers · asked by nytengayle13 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just let him go. You are going to hurt no one but yourself in the long run. I have been there. It was easy for me to leave my ex-husband because i had some one else to turn to (not that it should matter) Divorce is always hard and it can get very difficult to deal with especially if you have kids. Think of your happiness. If he truely loves you then he will understand and leave peacefully.
2006-08-28 06:06:39 · answer #1 · answered by Nicole W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the fact that your hub has drinking problem is good enough reason to leave. It's really, really hard to be married to an alcoholic. It takes a mountain of sacrifices and apparently it takes skill as well. You need to train yourself to be emotionally separated from your hub while he's drunk- in other words, don't let his drinking affects you. But how the heck is that possible? Anyway, don't feel guilty if you're straying from your hub- who could blame you? By drinking the only thing your hub doing is widen the distance b/w the 2 of you... just remember that you haven't exactly done anything yet w/ this guy & that he's only there to lend you his ears. Just make sure that this guy is NOT part of the reasons you're leaving you hub.
2006-08-28 13:38:34 · answer #2 · answered by Bobbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you two have any children? if there are children in you family, you must try to change thins around. Remember, they are the only victims.
If you don't have any children, and your husband is an abusive alcoholic, just get out of it as soon as you can.
While living with him, you still owe respect to that marriage, to your husband and to yourself.
You are vulnerable, that's why you are talking with this other person, but are you sure hi is better than your husband?
Stop talking with him.
Don't talk to others guys until you are really morally free of marriage.
2006-08-28 13:06:03 · answer #3 · answered by Mother of three 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit him down and tell him that he has a problem and that until he wants to help himself then there is nothing that you can do. alcoholics will not give up drinking until they get to a point when they realize that they want to quit, they will not quit for anyone but themselves. you need to tell him that you have been there for him but he is not and has not been there for you and you said that he was not drinking when he came back then started as soon as you took him back, I have been there and he will not change until he wants to so you need to go on with your life and let him know that you are lonely and all he cares about is the bottle and you need love. my suggestion to you is sad but you need to have him leave for good this time. but until you have decided back off on talking to this other guy.
2006-08-28 13:12:20 · answer #4 · answered by stormy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I advice you to do is to pray and seek God's wisdom about what to do. If your husband has not tried to change to make your marriage work then that means that he is just a leaf in your life that will wither and fall off. You need to really seek God and decide if you're ready to look for somebody whose gonna be a root and help you grow or if you're gonna stay with the leaves in your life.
2006-08-28 13:06:04 · answer #5 · answered by lmkpink911 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both sound dysfunctional; you need more communication in your relationship! I urge you to get help from a marriage therapist! You need to understand why he feels the urge to drink; and he needs to understand that his drinking alienates you from him; and that is why you were talking to another guy! Sometimes men and women need to vent their emotions to an impartial 3rd party! It's okay! You two need to try to understand what has happened, before you call it quits. That way, you can leave on good terms! Good luck!!
2006-08-28 13:29:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling to find out why you want to stay in this unhappy relationship. Your husbands drinking is not your fault it is his problem and he needs to do something about it. If he ask for your help you can decide if he is sincere and decide how much help you can or want to give.
2006-08-28 13:05:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek professional help. Talk to your county Social Worker, Physiologist, Psychiatrist, they are going to know best.
This is to big of an issue to try and get help on here.
I wish you the best of luck. Good day.
2006-08-28 13:08:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know he's an alcoholic and he has not made any effort to change this bad habit. It's time for you to move on with your life and find happiness
2006-08-28 13:24:19 · answer #9 · answered by been there 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him and explain to him everything and stop talking with that guy for the sake of your marriage...i guess ur husband quit drinking because he loves you,now it's your turn to let him feel be loved.
2006-08-28 13:03:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋