Pregnant 1st time Mom's Can you help me out? Warning; its a long question?

Question

If you were raped, yet had a boyfriend at the time but didn't know who the father of your child was, would you still keep and raise the child? I'm about to be a single mother and I'm 27 weeks pregnant but I'm not sure who the child belongs to.

Would you keep and raise the child or give the child up for adoption?

Is it normal for me to feel this nervous and scared?

But neither man is in my life anymore... obviously the one was a creep but the at the time boyfriend turned into an even bigger creep. So..... is it perfectly normal to feel what I feel?

I love my baby and I'm excited that I'm going to have him, because of medical circumstances. But Neither man is in my life anymore, the bastard that raped me I know/knew on a personal level, and my boyfriend left back in May because he "couldn't handle the thought of the child not being his." I'm not aborting my baby, I wouldn't/couldn't do it in the first place.

Answer 1

okay first off your Ex is an ***, if he left you it isn't like you asked to be raped, second I know all new mothers are nervous before they have their babies. I really think that you should talk to a professional to teach you ways to cope if the baby is the product of the rape. or you can just choice to never find out if you dont want to, its your choice. it really doesnt matter how the child was created, what matters is that you love your baby and raise it to be a good person.

Answer 2

Very sorry to hear you have had to go through this. But in answer to your question, and I say this only because I thought about the same thing happening to me.
I would have kept the baby, simply because I always remember, what the parents do is not the baby's fault. It doesn't mean the child is going to grow up to be like the man who raped you or anything else. A child grows up to be exactly what you train it to be. Wait until the baby is born before you find out, for the simple reason that if you try to get dna testing done now, any needle entered into the placenta could cause leakage of the amniotic fluid, and I'm sure you don't want to harm the babe. It does come as a risk, and the doctors will warn you about that.
It is very normal for you to be nervous and scared. It really says something that you are going through all of this.
Hopefully no matter what happens, who the father turns out to be, once you have the baby, you'll see how much you can love them no matter what.
Giveing the baby up for adoption is really up to you. Even if you are in a tough situation, be it emotionaly or financially, just remember there is help for you. There IS support. But should that be your choice, you will be asking yourself for the rest of your life about that baby's life. Question is, could you deal with it?

Like I said, I just remembered that it's not the baby's fault what someone else did. Some women might look on it as an unfortunate thing, but it sounds like you didn't.
Being scared is normal, just keep yourself up to date with your doctor, get any information you can, it really does help.

Best of luck to you and baby!

Answer 3

I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through such trauma in your life. You probably should be getting some counseling concerning the rape. You will need to decide if you can raise this child as your own, on your own regardless of who the father is. It is totally normal to be nervous and scared, you are having a baby and that is a very emotional time for any woman, let alone one who has survived the trauma of a rape; and a breakup from her boyfriend. Talk to your doctor about what has gone on, and he or she can recommend a counselor for you. You can also get counseling through Human Services in your town or city, or through a church. I cannot tell you what I would do, as I have never been in your situation. I do know a woman who went through being raped when she was a teenager; and because her family was Roman Catholic, and her own beliefs, she kept the child; and when she married a few years later; her husband legally became her daughters father. She had to struggle with the fact that the girl's father was therapist, as she had been a virgin; and there was not another man involved. Please get some help with this, it is too difficult of a decision to be struggling with on your own, or putting forth to total strangers on an open forum on the Internet. Best of luck to you and I will pray for you and your baby.

Answer 4

It is normal for you to be nervous and scared - you can always check the amnioic fluid for the DNA, however, if the men are not in your life anymore - then they would have nobody to match it too.

You need to decide if you want this child. If you will always look at the child with regret and sorrow then you should give it up for adoption so the child can be loved unconditionally.

However, if you love this child no matter WHO the father is, then you should keep it and be thankful for your blessings! I personally would keep the child as my children mean everything to me and have brought out the best in me.

If you also would not be able to support the baby or give it the life he/she so deserves, then do the right thing by giving it up. But if you can promise that you will love this baby unconditionally, then keep it and be the best mom you can be! Good luck!

Answer 5

Lets' look at it this way:

50%-ex-b/f
50%-rapist
----------------
100% yours!

I hope you make the right decision and keep YOUR baby no matter what sperm helped to make produce it. At 27 weeks, your baby has kicked you. How did that feel? It was awesome, huh? Well, that is your child. You know that you already have a bond with this baby..why would yyou possibly want to give it up? I would absolutely NOT give my baby up for adoption. Although, if you were raped, you should have taken the morning after pill to avoid this situation. That would have been the sensible thing to do. Agree? But now that you are in this situation, you have your child growing in your belly. Use your head and heart, and decide what is best for you. Does it really matter who the father is? Do you really need a father for him/her? I didn't. And possiblities are, later on in life, you will find a man willing to accept your child and be his/her father. Good luck honey!!

Answer 6

No matter who the father is, the child is half you. It 'belongs' to you. You should not base your decision whether or not to keep it on who the father is. Love the child enough to decide what is best for the child. Are you ready to make a 24 - 7 life time committment to put someone else's needs ahead of yours? Parenthood is the most difficult, yet most rewarding thing that I have ever done. If you aren't up for the challenge, then love it enough to give it up for adoption. Yes, it is normal to feel nervous and scared. My kids are 7 and 13 and I'm still nervous! It's all part of your love for them. Follow your heart, the answers will come to you.
Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Well I know this is a hard time for u, but i think u should go to the doctor and get the test done so they can tell u who's it is, if it is your boyfriend baby i would say keep it, but if not and u know u can't handle it maybe adoption would be better for u emotionally, but then u will have one more thing to worry about because u let the baby go. Me, i would just keep the baby and raise it to the best of my knowledge.

If u have any kind of support be hide u i would really think about keepin the baby

Good luck

Answer 8

Talk to your boyfriend. He knows you were raped, right?

Rape is NOT your fault. If your boyfriend is as understanding as he should be, he would accept this baby.

It is normal for you to feel like this. Go to a rape counselor with your boyfriend about this. Also, you can get a DNA test done when the baby is born.

I'm glad you didn't chose abortion. But if you are not comfortable, you could always put the baby up for adoption. I'm sure a loving family would take care of him

Answer 9

I'm so sorry this happened to you, but believe me, I know your pain. It's perfectly normal to feel this way. You can have the test done now while you are pregnant, They should be able to tell you who's it is. I know if it wasn't my boy's baby, I would not be able to raise it the same. I would love the child, but not knowing would have that in the back of my mind. Does your boy know? Have the test done, and if he doesn't know, you will want to tell him if it's not his kid. I know this is hard, but you can do it. If you feel like you can't handle it, I would definitely suggest adoption. Give it to someone who will love it like it's their own anyway. This will make it easier on you so you can immediately give it up right when you have it. Regardless of how this child was conceived, it defiantly deserves a chance at least. Whatever your decision, good luck hun. If you need support or someone to talk to, please feel free to IM or e-mail me. I don't judge. Good luck hun!

Answer 10

1st off you need to go to councilling with or without your b/f.

Your b/f does know that you were raped and there is a chance he is not the baby's father right?

I would have a long talk with your b/f about it, is he planning on staying around or walking away. You can get a perternity test done once the child is born, if you decide to abort the child.......well I'm sorry that you will miss out on the greatest joy a woman can have.