If you had an 18 year old step son who graduated in June on the 8th and turned 18 on the 6th of June! Now he was staying with his mother and he has told us he wants to stay with us so for about 3 months now he has been! However he told his father and me (Step mom) that he doesn't want to go to college but rather get a job! So, he and his father decided in order to apply for jobs he needs to have his Birth Certificate and Social Security Card! However, his mother was supposed to have been supplying these documents and every time we ask his son if he's got it he says yeah, mom has it! So, with that said we ask him to get it and then he leaves goes to her house (she stays with her mother with her other 4 children) and stays a few days and comes back empty handed. This has happened more than 4 times. I am very annoyed what would you do? Note: She knows that we filed to have the Child Support dropped and she neither got pissy and said well he's going to college but he hasn't enrolled nor has
2006-08-28 05:06:18 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he expressed an inerest in college! I know she just wants to keep the child support rolling in by any means. However, I am sick of him sitting home all day and just coming and going as he pleases as she gets support and I think this isn't going to get any better!
2006-08-28 05:07:48 · update #1
Paco, this is NOT a child he is 18 and his father doesn't hesitate to say that he's an adult, which means he should be acting as such. Also, I think he's just abusing our kindness and taking us for weak just like his mother!
2006-08-28 05:18:41 · update #2
He will only do what you and your husband allow him to do. I think the next time he goes to his mothers house he needs to stay. He shouldn't be going back an forth both places. Since he is 18 sure hope he is paying a little money for rent. If you are not making him pay rent you may want to thing about having him start paying. It's not being mean it's just teaching responsibility. If he doesn't want to pay then he might just leave. Good luck
2006-08-28 05:42:14 · answer #1 · answered by FRECKLES 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The 18 year old needs an ultimatum: Don't bother with Mom if she will not supply the documents, he can get a new set. Simply have him order them and while he is waiting for them to come in he can be looking through the papers, going the the library and scouting around to find out what is available.
Accept no arguments: "Son, you have three days to show proof you have applied for your birth certificate and social security card or you're back to Mom's to stay". Make him show you proof he is actually looking for a job. If he doesn't, send him back to Mom until he grows up a little and starts showing some responsibility.
It is well worth continuing to pay child support to help him learn a valuable lesson.
2006-08-28 11:48:38 · answer #2 · answered by Madeamove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number 1. Change the locks in your house. It may seem cruel, but it will definately be a wakeup call to your stepson. Have the father, not you, tell him he will get in your home AFTER he provides the documents requested.
2. Do not continue to pay child support. If I am correct, most states laws are child support is ONLY paid if the child is under18, or under 22 and going to college. "Showing an interest" or "thinking about enrolling" doesnt count as going to college. In fact, Im pretty sure you dont even have to put in a stop payment, it expires after 18 and not in college or already enrolled (due to the date of his birthday). To continue the child support payments, the MOTHER would have to go to court herself and extend the dates. The minute he drops out though, the support stops immediately.
Dont get pushed over. The son sounds like he needs a rude awakening. And changing the locks is a great place to start. Hope that helps, and good luck!
2006-08-28 05:16:38 · answer #3 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Um, "sitting home all day and just coming and going as he pleases" so he hasn't brought it 'home' w/ him huh? Does he leave dishes and clothes laying around, does he? Re-a-l-l-l-y. 18 going on 12 ;)
Call Mom. She probably doesn't know anything. Or she knows and is planning to make a copy of his certificate. -- Or maybe she already has and set in somewhere for him to take ... and it's now sitting on the t.v. or coffee table.
If she's raised him, child support shouldn't be an issue. (especialy when Dad should now be taking a turn to understand the support was probably less then the monthly grocery bill). BUT it's not a money thing. People sound so naive when they bring child support up like it's a 'thing' ??!! There are laws -they are there for reasons. She didn't make up the law. Don't put it on the custodial parent to feel guilty or whatever (just betting it was a 'thing' even before he turned 18 ---)(Dad probably owes Mom back support he didn't pay and that's Y)
2006-08-28 05:32:13 · answer #4 · answered by Ann 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's got a good game going doesn't he? I believe your husband can apply for the B. cert. & SS card, or the son can I'm sure. Bureau of statistics I believe. Matter of fact, if you are close enough they can march right down there and get it. It's a shame he doesn't want to go to college. Is your husband not encouraging it to get out of child support? This seems to be another case of the child suffering because of his parents' problems. Well, if the boy doesn't want to go, no use forcing the issue but, he needs to be doing something other than hanging out. That could mean big trouble. I wouldn't worry so much about his mother. What happens now is mainly in the boy's hands and his father's. But, I don't think you should put up with this avoidance of responsibility for much longer. Good luck.
2006-08-28 05:20:50 · answer #5 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you and your husband need to talk about this. You need to make sure you are on the same page. The last thing you want is the stepson causes problems in your marriage. Then, since he's eighteen, he's a legal adult. Give him an option. He needs to either enroll in college or have a job in a certain amount of days cuz he has to pay rent. It's different to support him while getting an education, but not to run around. If he doesn't get a job and pay the rent you agree upon, kick him out. Otherwise, he'll be thirty and living off you guys. It's called tough love. Good Luck.
2006-08-28 05:13:00 · answer #6 · answered by T.G. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok be smarter then the mom and the son, if the mother wont supply the birth certificate, u go and u get the papers to file and get a duplication of both the birth certificate and the social security card, this is not a difficult problem to solve, yeah u may have to wait a couple of weeks, but heck if its going to solve the situation whats a couple more weeks??? that way it comes to Your House, and u make copys of it all for him, cause although he is legally an adult he's mentally still a child.. As long as ur step son is making forward progression, school or work, then everything will be ok.. but instead of getting worked up about it.. solve the problem urself..
Geeze after looking at ur 360 page no wonder u have zero clue what to do, ur only 23.. with a 18 year old step child??? geeze.. lol.... lol Good luck mommy lol......
2006-08-28 05:40:03 · answer #7 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
If he WANTED to, he could get a copy of his birth certificate and social security card. However, it sounds like he just wants to 'skate on your dime'. This kid is a MAN now, so the mother has absolutely nothing to do with it. You and the father need to be prepared for some tough love. If the MAN figures out that he is going to have to find a job that will support him and his habits, he may see college as a smarter choice.
***(sending him back to his mother is not a good answer. Unless he makes the choice. In any case, neither of you should support that cop out)
2006-08-28 05:18:30 · answer #8 · answered by patweb01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is an adult and as such, he should be able to go to the town of his birth and get his own birth certificate. The fee is small, usually under ten dollars and the registrar's office will print it for him as soon as the fee is paid. No more waiting! The social security card takes a bit more time, but again, that is something that he can do himself. If he gets a job and becomes a supportive member of your family, then I say ok. But don't let him freeload on you. That is unacceptable! Good luck to you.
2006-08-28 05:14:26 · answer #9 · answered by Ethereal Raven 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all I'm surprised she is still receiving child support because he's 18. Your husband should check into that. My husband doesn't pay child support for his 18 yr old daughter he only pays it for his 14 yr old. Have you asked him why he didn't get what he needed from her? Maybe she is holding it so he won't get a job and go to college. But I agree with your being annoyed. If he really wants to get a job then he needs to force the issue and get his card and b.c. from his mother. Tell him he is 18 and he is now an adult and he needs to act like one. And if he doesn't want to get up and do something than he can just go live with his mom and be like that at her house. Just explain to him that you are trying to make him be responsible and he's had 3 months to relax but now it's time for him to do what he needs to do. As adults and parents we don't get to just sit around we have to go to work to provide for ourselves and make ends meet. So now it's time for him to do the same. Give him choices it's either college or a job. And if he doesn't want to do either then have him stay with his mom and let her decide what to do with it. I don't mean to sound cold about it but he needs a reality check. And you just might have to be the one to do it. Good Luck!!!
2006-08-28 05:18:26 · answer #10 · answered by babieshay27 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋