Is it normal to have unintentional gay thoughts?

Question

I'm not homosexual or bisexual or transexual. I'm wondering if people choose to be homo or bi? So is it normal if someone had gay or bi thoughts about the same gender unintentionally? But you choose not to be gay? Make sense?

Answer 1

It's not a choice. You are who you are. Sexual orientation probably runs on a continuum with few on either end of the extremes, meaning most are varying level of bi. It's normal for people to think all kinds of things. Thoughts and actions are two different things. Shutting out thoughts is fear based self-sensoring -- not all that healthy of a thing.

Answer 2

Some people, who identify as heterosexual, do have "gay" thoughts about the same gender but do not act on them. Such people are usually referred to as being bicurious. Some people will act out on these feelings, and may never do it again - and keep their heterosexual label, or may come back for more and identify as bisexual (or homosexual if they stop responding sexually and romantically towards the opposite sex).

Also, some bisexual people will identify as homosexual or heterosexual to gain acceptance from whichever community they're in. Some people don't say who they are, and society assumes their orientation based upon the partner they're with.

Answer 3

All people sooner or later, more or less question their sexuality. That mostly happens during puberty when a boy becomes a man and a girl becomes a woman. Some people cannot successfully define whether they are gay or straight until an older age. What I'm trying to say is that it is natural to have such thoughts whether you are straight or gay no matter your age. You might even consider to experiment if you feel that it will help you define your sexuality.

If you have more questions, please, don't hesitate to ask.

Answer 4

Nope, makes no sense at all.
The best known research would indicate that homosexuality is not a choice. If you get to know ONE homosexual person in your life, he or she will assure you that he or she did not choose this.

But you insist on coming in here and posing a BS question so that you could assert that homosexuality is a choice. In the face of the evidence.

People don't have intentional thoughts. They are thoughts, that's part of the autonomic process of the brain.

Jeez

Answer 5

If you are bisexual you can choose to be either gay or straight or to remain bi. Occasional thoughts are normal to most straight males.

However, no, its not a choice. It is what is natural to a person. Homosexuality is no more a choice than heterosexuality. People can tell you it is, you can believe them -- this is America, there is NO requirement that you not believe whatever you want. That won't change the belief from being false however.

The people with choice are, as I said, the bisexuals. They can select either. My lover of nearly 15 years is bisexual. He selected to be with me. I understand this. The choice for gays however is to believe in themselves and live good, full lives -- or hide, be miserable and be someone/something other than what they are.

How do we know this? Well, let's start with animal studies. For hundreds of years it was commonly presumed that there were no exclusively homosexual animals -- I still hear that argument quoted occasionally. Yet, we know it is false. Not only do we know anecdotally (I for example grew up on a farm. At one point we had a gay bull -- absolutely no response to the pheremones of females in heat at all -- much more interested in other bulls), but we also know scientifically. Hundreds of species have been studied, those species that had pair bonding also had homosexual pair bonding. The seminal study on this subject is Dr. Bruce Bagemihl -- "Biological Exuberance" from St. Martin's Press. You can probably get a used copy inexpensively from Amazon if you are interested, or from Barnes and Noble online.

So, what was classically the most powerful argument against the natural origins of homosexuality -- emasculated. And you can tell that many anti-gay leaders know it, because the argument is now much de-emphasized compared to its usage 25 years ago.

Once you go beyond the natural law argument therefore -- you face the discussion of humanity itself.

Is homosexuality a choice? Well, is heterosexuality? For bisexuals who elect to be straight or gay -- it is a choice, clearly; but the average straight boi never has the ability to choose to be gay -- and those who are honest would tell you the same. Likewise, the average homosexual simply doesn't have a choice to be straight.

Again, anecdotally, its easy enough. I am gay, I knew that I felt very special about boys and that they excited me somehow, gave me butterflies in my stomach when I liked them a lot -- when I was 8. I also knew I didn't feel the same way about girls. By 11 I realized it was sexual (the reasons I realized that should be evident without my spelling them out). I never, ever had even a single erotic or sexual thought about a girl -- nor did I have any romantic feelings toward them. I always had some friends of each gender, as most young country people do -- but I never had any butterflies for the girls -- so when did I choose? At 7? Without knowing it? Do you really, really believe that? I don't think you do. You can assert that I'm lying to you, that all the millions of gays who say they never remember being anything but gay are lying -- but again, it doesn't pass the smell test -- do you really believe it? I doubt it very much. You are too honest for that, aren't you? So that leaves you with -- we have all deceived ourselves. I doubt that you believe that either, not deep inside.

Beyond that, study after study, piling up on one another. The eye-blink study strongly indicates a genetic origin. The pheremonal studies (there are multiple ones), even a longitudinal study that looked at pre-birth reactions. And, most compelling, the fruitfly study. A colleague's husband, who is a medical researcher at Albany Med, sent me word the day after that came out -- saying simply "you've won, the troops in the trenches on both sides may take a while to realize it, but you've won, its natural." The counter attacks on the fruit fly study are, frankly, a joke -- and they depend on their readers not understanding the study to start with. Fruit-flies are simple compared to humans, and the genetic structures are much simpler -- but the simple fact is that changing a single gene from generation to generation changed whole generations of fruit-flies from heterosexual to homosexual and then back the next generation. Among humans its much more complex -- probably involving 4 to 6 chromosomal bands, possibly more -- perhaps as many as a quarter of all genes in various combinations -- but ultimately it will still be found to be genetic I rather suspect, the jury is out, but the evidence is overwhelming. I predict exact mapping on the genome for all homosexually affecting bands within 25 years (no shock there, several university study groups have promised the same). There is some (though diminishing I suspect) possibility that the genes work in combination with chemical reactions in the womb. That is not yet completely clear -- that is why I say chemo-genetic.

So, evidence is that in fact homosexuality is NOT a choice, but a biological imperative, probably caused by genetics, but possibly by genetics mixed with chemical reactions. Homosexuality exists in nature, among species that do not reason -- and if you are of a literalistic religious bent -- cannot be said to have been touched by the biblio-idolator's so called "original sin."



Do not hesitate to write me, at any time, if you need a listening ear, or someone to talk to. I do care, and would be happy to be a friend if you need one to talk to.

Kind wishes,

Reynolds Jones
Schenectady, NY
http://www.rebuff.org
[e-mail]

Answer 6

I would say No. If thoughts are contrary to your beliefs and feelings.. and you are receiving thoughts.. If you feel it's not your way.. it is most likely someone is doing psychic attack. The someone could just be a prankster and get a kick out of confusiing or frustrating a person.. thinking the person isn't being hurt however the prankster is hurting the person emotionally and might even cause some who would never be gay become gay.. if the person accepts the thoughts as his or hers! Pay attention to the thoughts that come to you.. Do you feel it's your thoughts if so then it is. If you feel it's
contrary to you're feeling's it's psychic attack!

Answer 7

It's perfectly normal. I'm a lesbian, never felt sexual desire for a man, but everytime I see Clive Owen in a movie I think, "Wow that man is sexy." Would I ever have sex with him, if given the opportunity? Absolutely not. It doesn't mean I don't understand the appeal, though.

Answer 8

Being gay or bi is not a choice.
Its something you find out about yourself like the color of your eyes or your left-or-right handedness.

Its perfecty normal.

Answer 9

If you are aroused by these thoughts, then maybe you should think about that you may be gay.

No self respecting straight man (yeah, those exist) would have a homosexual thought and not be loathing themselves.

Answer 10

the debate is still ongoing about choice or nature being the root cause of homosexuality.

i have to believe that a (no pun intended) deviant gene can cause a person to have difficulties with their physical gender being their biological one.

although, i do believe that the majority of the practicing homosexuals do so by choice.

as for these thoughts, i cannot say. i cannot recall ever wanting to touch or be touched by another of my same gender, even unintentionally.

-eagle