My boyfriend has a ex that he dated 14 years ago, they broke up and they became close friends. According to him he never loved her and that it was all attraction. He said he used to see her maybe 3 - 4 times a year until she got married. After that he met me about 4 years ago and I had noticed how he spoke so much about her with me that I had to ask him to stop speaking to her. About three weeks ago he accidentally saw her at a traffic light right next to our car. I was in it and she was on the right hand side. Now she's writing to him expressing how much she missed him and more explisit sexual desires... She's married from what he says but I think she is separated. Now, he is confused. Do you think there is a possibility that they can re-connect? he said on an email "it felt good to re-connect". I believe he still feels for her and she regrets leaving him, but he claims to me that he doesn't. Is it possible they love each other after so long and i'm just a good-for-now girl?
2006-08-28 04:09:36 · 22 answers · asked by Treasure 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
To add, I have been clear with him but he refuses to speak about her with me as to how much he feels for her but all I know based on the words he emails is that he is interested in her advances. She said he's always on her mind and said she thought of him while hearing a song by Heather Headley... she didn't mention the song but did say that "he was always in his thoughts..." and said she will let him know later... That being said, I think it is the song "In my Mind". Has anyone heard of this song? I heard it and I know that I don't have a chance if he now feels he has a chance with her. She's going full throttle for him regardless I'm with him. In her email she saids, "I promise to be as respectful as you want me to be.."
and after he saids he will let her know if she "crosses the line", he takes his statement back when she questions him on it. He can't tell her to back off directly so I'm afraid he wants to take his chances and see if there is any future for them.
2006-08-28 05:34:57 · update #1
Yes, I do believe they can become friends. I also think that he's not telling me the entire truth. It will be harder for me b/c I believe she's separated or divorsed, and now that my bf is insecure of our relationship, her being around will intervine with how he feels about me. I know, I know... I should just move on. But you all understand, it's hard.
2006-08-31 00:40:49 · update #2
Ouch. That does not sound good. I would have given him the benefit of the doubt, since he seemed to have been on the up and up with you right from the start. However, the fact that she is expressing sexual desires to him via e-mail... not okay. She needs to back off and respect you. As long as he continues to stay honest with you, I would trust him. Her, however, keep your eyes on.
2006-08-28 04:15:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
(When I read your question there was no additional details, therefore my answer is not considered by that.)
People always from the beginning of their adolescence till end of their lives carrying some hidden feelings that may they even unaware of that. Much that you have it already.
According to turning around the world and exchanging the hidden and mysterious energies in the world which we call it fate or some thing; there would happen some contingencies which those inner sentiments resided in every ones awake and start showing them; maybe gradually or may suddenly.
It is doubtful if we call your boy friend's reactions to that ex-girl a love. But there is no doubtful they feel in positive way to each other.
There is possibility that your boy friend comes back to her and starting some relations. But be noticed their relationships wouldn't last for a long time and they will end up soon. If they could be a match, then it might be happened 14 years ago. They're too late to be together forever, 'cause 14 years is an enough period to change skin. Yes! They are changed.
About being a good-girl-for-now; I shall say that all people playing a roll for each other by intangible and invisible chains which guide them into next circumstance. May we better not to use this vocabulary (A.G.F.N.G.) for our nature desire.
I hope you would have good fortune feeling inside yourself instead of watching it by your eyes!
MarMar
2006-08-28 09:58:19 · answer #2 · answered by MarMar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well that could be very much the case or he could just be one confused individual that's un sure about what he wants. In cases like that I would leave him alone. Men like him can only bring you much heartache. Cause not for nothing he still has feelings for the other girl but at the same times he has feelings for you. He sounds like he wants his cake and eat it two. So if I where you I would make a B Line and bounce or give him some space so he can figure out where his heart lies. He has to make a choice that 's the bottom line. If he takes to long then you know you have to move on. I was always told that if something is meant to be it will be. If you love him let him go and if it' s truly meant he will come back to you.
2006-08-28 04:23:00 · answer #3 · answered by liliw24 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way for friends to get together into a relationship is for the girl to want it. Guys are always open to the idea, but it's the girls who are usually not interested. So if she wants him, chances are that it will work out just fine. That leaves you in a harsh place because all the feelings of friendship he had toward his ex can easily be chanelled into love. I think that there is nothing you can do to keep him with you, except for one thing, and that may not work either. You have to tell him, straight on, that his ex wants him. You have to tell him to figure out whether he is interested in taking her back at all. If he is, then it's over between you and him. If he says confidently that you are the only one for him and his ex is doomed to forever be just a friend, then you can be happy that he chose you and your relationship.
But you have to confront him with the fact that his ex wants him back, and he has to decide how he feels about her.
Good luck :)
2006-08-28 04:18:18 · answer #4 · answered by Magina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love has no time limit. if he talked of her so much that only means that he always had feeling for her. no man would talk of a woman so much otherwise. i am sure u r not good-for now girl and he really did love u . but remember love has many forms and ways, maybe the only way for him to know for sure( i am sorry to say) is for u to leave him a while.they have a saying. if u love something let it go, if it comes back it is urs, if it doesnt it never was. its better u lt him fly now other wise u will always feel he loves her and not u and if he is meant to be with her then atleast u can move on
2006-08-28 04:19:33 · answer #5 · answered by in ur face 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think so!! if u 2 are in an exclusive relationship, then he should respect the way you feel. That means no emailing this woman,sending back all these sexual letters with return to sender written on it, and not opening them. The fact that he is still talking to her and you don't want him 2 is not a good sign, sorry dear.
2006-08-28 04:18:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you Love someone you never stop! I believe in true love, so yes they can re-connect. I am sorry that he is using you to get he Love back. I also would talk to him and ask him if he still loves her as much as she claims to love him. Caution him because she may just be cheating on her husband. Let him know how you feel. It may be he loves you more than he loves her.
2006-08-28 04:18:37 · answer #7 · answered by Reach for the Stars! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear, how could still be asking if it is possible for both your boyfriend and his ex to get back together again. With your story it is obvious that they still love and feel for each other. The ex might still be married and she might be separated but all that does not change how she feels towards your boyfriend or how he feels towrds her. OPEN UR EYES.
2006-08-28 04:53:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes u have a very good reason to feel this way.there is every chance that u might be dumped.talk to him how his re-connection is affecting u.pour ur heart out.then distance urself from him.i dont mean break -up but take a break.keep in touch over phone and monitor his movements.pay a surprise visit to his place once.u'll know what to do.
2006-08-28 04:19:11 · answer #9 · answered by archie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself a favor. Move on. He's not going to be a reliable permanent fixture in your life. You'll be sad and disappointed for awhile, but thank goodness you found out this information before you married him and took a chance on having children he really doesn't want with you.
2006-08-28 04:13:41 · answer #10 · answered by Teacher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋