My husband lied and went behind my back and he does not thinks he did anything wrong.?

Question

My husband went behind my back and sold his chain. When I confronted him about selling it, he denied it twice to my face. When I caught him in a lie he siad it's because he knew that it was going to start an argument so he lied. Now how can I make him realize that what he did (lying) was wrong? Should I go behind his back and lie to him just to prove a point? help!

Answer 1

It's pretty obvious that two wrongs don't make a right. Ask yourself this( why does he feel he can't be straight with me?) I would guess it's because you make a scene or in some way make it really unpleasant for him to be open. I can tell you from my own experience ,it sucks to fear or dread telling your woman something fearing an irate reaction.

Answer 2

You two are fighting about some bling ? Well, I dunno, but my bet is that there is something else much more wrong in your relationship then. He knows lying is wrong --- I mean, unless he is Mork from Ork, he knows. And he knows he lied. He may be refusing to admit it, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know.

And, by the way, two wrongs do not make a right - your going behind HIS back and lying doesn't solve anything. It just justifies HIS lie and his reasons for lying AND it makes it impossible for you to EVER take the moral high ground on lying again. So don't do that.

You two might want to examine why he lied - get off the lie. Who the hell cares about the chain. Why did he want to sell it ? And if it was his, why do you care if he sold it ? Even if you gave it to him, -- and if that's the case, I can imagine your feelings are hurt - but if he sold a gift you gave him, isn't the reason why he did that really the issue here ?

If you two can sit down and, without getting angry about what actually happened, figure out what is really going on - this fight is just the symptom of something bigger - then you may be on the path to better communication.

Answer 3

Two wrongs don't make a right, I am sure you have heard that before. People only lie when they know they are doing something wrong. Lies always come out in the end, somehow...could be years later. If this is a common thing, him lying I mean, then I would try to make him see that it was the lie, nt the item that worries you. If this was a one time thing, I would think about how important it really is to keep persuing it cause the two of you to be in conflict. Is is possible he lied to you for a "good" reason? Like a white lie??? Not that any lie is good, but just wondering. Think about it rationally rather then just when you're pissed off.

Answer 4

Well, if he was worried about discussing it beforehand with you because it would start an argument, then obviously there is a history of such. He felt he could not discuss it with you based on previous instances where you probably went off on him and let him know why he is wrong and you are right. Your comment "Should I go behind his back and lie to him just to prove a point?" shows this to be the case. Your whole idea is "I'm right, you're wrong. I'm smart, you're dumb." It sounds like you have control issues.

There is a huge communication problem with you two. Obviously nothing is a "discussion", everything is an "argument". You have to get this straight to move on in your relationship or it is doomed. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and ideas. You don't have agree, but you do have to listen to and respect them. Their feelings and ideas are just as real and just as right as yours. There has to be a safe environment for each other to air their feelings and ideas. It doesn't sound like you two have one.

Answer 5

I assume you bought him the chain. If so you have a personal reason to be upset. But the fact that you stated that your husband did not want to tell you because it would start a argument, leads me to believe you and he do not have good communications in your relationship. Communications is the key to successful marriage.

No you should not go out and lie to prove a point. That would be an immature thing to do. You and he need to learn how to talk to and with each other.

Answer 6

What point would u be proving? First of all a lie is just that.....a lie.......What point would it be for you to do the very thing that you are not happy with him doing to you........Continue to confront him and then you are responsible for making the decision to either request your husband gets help for whatever it is that makes him sell personal items, or continue to put up with this type of behavior.

Answer 7

two wrongs do not make a right.
Tell, him you trust him, and care for him.
but when he lied, tell him how it made you feel inside.
Ask him why he sold the chain. but don't start an argument, then his fears will be right about you starting an argument.

Arguments only get your back up, it does not resolve anything, only make it worst, and put you at odds.

Answer 8

The real question should be why he sold the chain. Drugs, another piece of jewelry for a different woman? He lied this time, what about past and future?

Answer 9

His ball and chain?

He lied, okay, is this the first time? Does he have any other disgusting habits? Does he have any redeeming habits?

He told you the reason that he lied...He did not want to argue with you, but you have found an argument anyway. I am not condoning his lying, but you are over the edge.

Answer 10

dont do that.proving a point wont help.he already knows it.may be u should re-evaluate ur relationship.r u such a difficult person that ur husband thinks that talking to u or confiding in u will only lead to an argument?or is he always like this that is always trying to escape?just sit him down and tell that u r hurt and things like this will effect ur trust in him.dont nag.be normal.remember dont expect an apologyi,f hes any good he'll feel guilty and wont repeat it.if not then u should know what to do.