What do I do not that I told my mom I was gay?

Question

I told my mom that I was a lesbian and she is acting like it never happened. She told me that after this school year I should go off somewhere to college and "find myself". She took away my rainbow belt and told me not to tell anyone about it. What should I do? Also, I can't tell if she is mad or not.

I am in college already. I am probably going to have to transfer which I don't mind because I want to leave. I am just going to have to keep my grade up this year. I am 18 and a freshman

Answer 1

Ya that's a tough one for Mom's they often take it like some kind of failure... Make sure you get support from someone in your life -- Your Mom will love you either way but she may not get you...

ya and don't listen to that cat dude up there

Answer 2

She's in denial it's okay, you already got through the hardest part which was telling her. Some people have it worse than you I suppose, at least you didn't get the "disowned from family" speech or the "we won't support you" talk. It's better that she didn't say anything, it's also good that you're about to go off to college so it won't be so bad. It's definitely something that will take a while for everyone to understand. Also, if you do go away and things change don't be afraid to modify your decision. Hey you never know, one day you could discover that you're not a lesbian but at least bi-sexual. lol. But yeah, all I'm saying is be your own person your mom will understand eventually.

Answer 3

She's in denial, sweetie. And she'll be in denial for a long time. She doesn't want you to be a lesbian, so she is acting as if you weren't...hoping that you will change your mind.

First of all, let me commend you for coming out! Congraulations....that's a huge step. I don't know how old you are....but going to college is not a bad idea. You've already found yourself, she just isn't comfortable with it. I don't know when (or if) she will be comfortable, but until then....Try and contact PFLAG. There should be a chapter in your area, or one close by. (parents and friends of lesbians and gays). They should help you begin to cope with your mother's denial. If she is in denial that deeply, then it should be relatively easy to move on to the next stage of things. Go ahead and make friends in the community (if you haven't already), get to know your resources and get a support system. She's not going to see it happening, because she doesn't want to see it.

Once you get off to college, keep doing your thing. Study hard, meet people....maybe get a girlfriend....:) Be patient with your mother and continue to talk about being a lesbian, as well as her daughter....as if it were the most normal thing in the world....because it is. She's going to have to get comfortable with it. Just don't let her hold you back while she's doing it. Be gentle with your mother, but be firm.

Welcome to the next chapter in your life! Enjoy college, enjoy yourself....you have so much potential!

Answer 4

It could be worse--she could be shipping you off to an ex-gay ministry or something. She's probably mad, but trying not to really punish you. Lay low, keep your nose clean, don't buy a replacement for the rainbow belt. You can still be open to your friends. And take her advice--go to college and find yourself!

Answer 5

It sounds a little like she could be in denial about the whole thing. Maybe she feels cheated or is "grieving" about missing out on grandchildren. That wouldn't be an unreasonable attitude under the circumstances. There are 5 stages to grief: Denial; Anger; Bargaining; Depression; and finally Acceptance. She may have to go through every one of them before it's over.

Answer 6

Give it time to sink in with her, I would not bring up the subject for a while, but when the time comes sit down with her and have a heart to heart talk. She sounds as though she thinks it is a phase with you. In your talk you might say to her, Mom I told you about my sexuality because I love you and wanted to be honest with you, hopefully she will reciprocate with love for you and just accept it. GOOD LUCK P.S. My mom hasn't had anything to do with me since I was 18, I still talk to her and she asks how my partner is, but it is not really mentioned and I am fine, If my mom has issues, then sadly that is how it is, because I am going to be happy

Answer 7

Parents always have hopes and dreams for their children. When something happens that changes those thoughts, it can be quite devastating. I have a son who has same-sex attraction. He told us he was gay about 5 years ago. We love him very much and try to accept him for who he is at this stage of his life. As a mom, I can tell you that your mother will need time. She will need time to process that information and will need time to grieve all the things that may never be. I struggle with the thought of never having a daughter-in-law. I have 3 daughters and he is my only son. I always wanted to be a good mother-in-law to my son's wife. I struggle with the thought that my son may not live a long and healthy life. Homosexuals not in monogamous relationships are at higher risk for contacting sexually transmitted diseases (this is actually true as well for promiscus heterosexuals) and AIDS is always a worry. If you want your mom to accept you for who you need to be right now, then you must give her a little space, don't be "in-your-face" with her. If the rainbow belt bothers her then it is a small sacrifice for you not to wear it. I don't think she is mad, yet, but she will probably go through that as well. Right now she is more in the disbelief and denial stage. She will probably blame herself at some point and be convinced that she was a very bad mother for this to have happened. We live in a very small town and know quite a lot of people and I understand your mother's wish to not tell anyone. I still feel that way, it is not something that I have told many people. My son is creative, sensitive, musically-talented, thoughtful, dependable, caring, good with kids and old people, and reliable. Those are the things I want people to know about my son. I worry about the people who don't know him and love him like his dad and I do and may want to hurt him either with words or physically. I want people to know the real him and not judge him based on his sexual orientation. To me, that is not who he is. He is my son who is gay and not my gay son. Be loving and gentle with your mom. Let her take this news in and process it. It is a confusing time for her. With a lot of patience, understanding, and compromise, hopefully you will come through this with a stronger relationship, but so often there is estrangement between parents and children.

Answer 8

well, she still thinks you are her little baby! so she will just have to learn to accept the fact that you are a lesbian...she just needs time...what you should do is maybe have a talk and tell your mom how you feel before school starts...tell her you love her and care what she thinks! and tell her you wish she would respect your feelings and decisions! ask her if she is mad...she will come around! :)

Answer 9

talk to her about it. if she doesn't listen, distance yourself - it would happen naturally, anyway, if she doesn't accept you. you can't let your mother tell you what to do with your own life; she created you this way, you're her child. if you sit down with her and explain what it means to be a lesbian, maybe you'd be able to convince her that it's not the awful thing she thinks it is. i mean, she's loved you until now - why should this matter?

good luck. if you ever need to talk, shout.

Answer 10

Leave it alone...there is no reason to bring it up...she knows, she acts as she does, you are not going to change it, keep quiet about it...it serves no useful purpose. There was no reason to tell her in the first place, but now that you have, you have. Enough has been said.