I am out of breath from the track called youth
it has made my bones ill and my tears run dry
the flowers you gave withered and died, my bag of
optimism still hides in my closet dear friend
the lies I told have come to claim there toll
in youth I was strong, brave and now I sit dear friend
for the angel to pass by optimisms grave
the world i once loved led me astray and I
sit in wait for the angel of death
go now young friend be merry and joy but remember life is not a toy
2006-08-28 03:16:41 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Sociology
Go ahead and enter it in
http://www.poetry.com
Some of the poems they pick winners really defy logic.
2006-09-04 18:15:59 · answer #1 · answered by Calvin of China, PhD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very touching poem. Do some revisions to make it more musical.
Some suggestions
I'm out of breath from the race called youth
its made my bones ache and tears run dry
The flowers you gave, withered and died,
my bag of hope still eludes me
the lies I've told have claimed their toll
in youth I was strong and brave and now
I wait, for the angel to pass by hope's grave
the world, once loved betrayed me and now
I welcome death's angel
Just some recommendations. Make sure, before you send the poem to put it on spell check. Well done, and good luck
2006-08-28 03:49:26 · answer #2 · answered by lpaganus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a beautiful poem. I also am a poet and do agree with a couple other posts in that you do need to revise it a bit, but definitely send it in for the contest. I hope you win! Good luck!
2006-09-04 15:38:12 · answer #3 · answered by angelcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I write poetry and have won several contests over the years.I also write music.I think that is a good poem.It is sad and I find that some people who write poems are taking about their own lives.I hope that you are not ill.I hope that you are happy and can find that joy you told your friend to have.Enter the poem and good luck
2006-08-28 03:29:01 · answer #4 · answered by redanimalmuppet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes
2006-08-28 03:23:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so struck by the dismal desperation your words speak. You leave to question your plight; be it illness, old age, inescapable constraint or just eternal depression. None the less, beautiful arrangement with a great message, keep up the good work. Do you need to talk with someone?
2006-09-04 19:03:02 · answer #6 · answered by BONNIE B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any poem can enter in the poetry contest. After all, its a contest for poems, right? If you are the author be proud of it! Love your work.....
2006-09-04 17:28:55 · answer #7 · answered by amazonprincessrenz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow..that was so beautiful..you are very gifted to be able to write like that....i wish i was good....i hope you the very best!! that poem is nice....im going to show my friend that...she would like that..i hope you come in first place and get a good prize!! :D here are some contests u can enter it on!
2006-08-28 03:25:27 · answer #8 · answered by Jenny P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should.
This a very beautiful poem...so true for many youth.
2006-08-29 06:43:58 · answer #9 · answered by mumtaz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not you took the time to write it out here, You never know unless you take a chance.
2006-09-04 17:00:04 · answer #10 · answered by malraene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋