My husband and I have been in a rocky relationship for approximatley 7 years, it is mentally and physically draining. My child has witnessed it, and I believe that it does effect my child. I want my child to have a good example so that he can have a postivie and nurturing relationship when he becomes an adult. Our relationship is not a good example for him. I really want out, for him as well as my self, how do I break the news to him, or do I wait until things are just about over (the divorce)
2006-08-28 03:07:27 · 23 answers · asked by Happy1 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You wait until it is all over with. You don't want to get him all upset and then change your mind for his sake. You know what needs to be done, so do it. When you are done try this:
Son, I'm sure you have noticed that mommy and daddy just can't seem to get along as adults and we are upset with each other all the time. We've decided to try and live apart so that we can be happier and spend more time loving you and less time fighting with each other. We both love you very much and we will do all we can to show you that now and in the future.
2006-08-28 03:15:30 · answer #1 · answered by javelin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wold wait until you file for divorce, then just tell him that mommy and daddy have some issues between them that they just can't get resolved and have decided it's better for everyone that they divorce.
Both my wife and I have been through previous divorces, and I can tell you with absolute honesty that children are not as harmed by it as some would like you to believe. If the situation is bad, they know it, too. They're not dumb to stuff like that, in fact they may be much more preceptive then we know because they operate on emotion rather then rationally. Ever notice how when a kid is done playing with other kids he just gets up and leaves? Believe me, your child will understand.
How you react will be much more important. Both of you have to be sure to keep the child out of it. Do not bad mouth the other parent to the child. They will just resent you when the get older and realize how bitter and immature you were about it. Be the adult and all will be fine. :-)
Good luck.
2006-08-28 03:20:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think u and your husband need to break it to him together, that way u can both reassure him that u both love him very much and are going to always be there for him. Unfortunately although u may feel ur doing what is best for him, he's still going to be a broken child for atleast awhile if not for a life time.. Unfortunately because u and your husband cant seem to get it together he has to pay the price..which i think is seriously unfair.. i understand what ur saying about the rocky relationship, but its horrible that a child has to pay for a mistake that u both (parents) made by not being able to work through differences, or choosing the wrong partner, but hey thats my oppion but heck im a child of a divorced family.. and my parents handled everything almost perfectly through the years and i still have emotional scars from it that affect my adult relationships, all because my mother thought the grass would be greener on the other side.. and was selfish and put her own needs before the needs of her family.. but hey, such is life right????? Ur doing what u think is RIGHT for your CHILD, not ur self RIGHT????? whatever.. Yep ur right ur child deserves a healthy environment to grow up in, pretty crappy that the 2 people that promised to love each other for life, and made a child together, are suppose to love him more then life itself, that he depends on for everything, cant seem to get their head out of their butts and figure out a way of making it work.. but yeah im sure he'll be much better off in a home seperated from one parent.. even if life as he knew it has come to a screetching halt.. yeah im sure that he'll take it just peachy..
2006-08-28 03:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the guy what is going on and allow the mto ask all the questions they want and answer them the best you can.Please remember TRY not to BAHS the other and always let the mknow it was NOTHING they did wrong.Sometimes people just can not work things out and its best for the mto get away from each and start a new life away for each other.
I have seen divorces get ugly and the children have been placed i na lose , lose area. Try to avoid this and allow the guy to speak openly with you and your soon to be ex.this will allow the mto hear both sides and they will understand it better.Always if the signs start to appear that your son is having issues seek Professional help ASAP.Allow them to speak openly with the person and work things out with them , this will help him and yuor relationship IN the future , remember he may be angry and say some harsh things but this will hurt him as well .Keep your heart and mind open and allow him to express his feeling as you need to also.
2006-08-28 03:16:16 · answer #4 · answered by Glenn T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your child is aware that things are not working. Just tell your child that even tho you and dad don't love each other anymore that does not change the love you both have for the child. If you could do that together so that all 3 of you can talk it would be better. Try to explain what is going to happen so that the child is a part of this and there are no surprizes.
2006-08-28 03:14:42 · answer #5 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not stay together because of the kids you will do them no good teaching them to argue and to live in a loveless ( non-affectionate) marriage.That just teaches them to settle for whatever you have no matter what. You can only be good for the kids if you and your husband put their needs ahead of your differences. I am not an advocate of divorce but kids learn by your example more than your words so be honest and up front with him and all will be ok in the end.
If you think you may regret it then figure that out before you divorce.Therapy can help!
Good luck!
2006-08-28 03:57:09 · answer #6 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would set him down and be honest and tell him the truth, chances are he will probably be relieved to hear that the problems are coming to an end. It may be hard at first but children do come around. They are the most forgiving as one could be. You are doing him good in the long run. I agree 100% to how you feel as far as your son growing up with a positive out look.
Bless the both of you in your journey.
2006-08-28 03:22:05 · answer #7 · answered by RAINBOW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should ask your child to communicate with you about his feelings regarding the relationship between you and your husband. Let the child talk and get a feel of where he is at with his feelings. After your child talks and shares, that will give you some idea of where his head is and how much information you should share with him about your marriage.
2006-08-28 07:03:40 · answer #8 · answered by chipmunk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not enough to tell your child that you WANT out. Your child will interpret that as you're thinking about it, but you're not sure. It's inappropriate, and it's not fair to him. You run the risk of him feeling that it's HIS responsibility to save your marriage.
You and your husband need to be on the same page when it comes to breaking this to your child.
2006-08-28 03:19:46 · answer #9 · answered by Pask 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Above all assure him it is not his fault.
Break it to him when there is going to be an actual change not just a legal one ( on paper ) i.e. Dad moving, You moving, etc.
Let him know that grown ups have problems too and this is your and Daddy's way of trying to solve yours. You've tried everything else. Your's was not a happy home and now he can help you make one for you and him.
2006-08-28 03:13:27 · answer #10 · answered by roamin70 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋