I want to try and avoid this, esp because there is our 3 1/2 yr old son. This was an ex from over 20 yrs ago. I have done some snooping when I got suspecious and have confirmed my results. She will try to get toegether on his next "free" weekend. I deeply love my wife. Nothing but chatting has gone on so far. Obviously I would like nothting to happen. She does not know that I know, should I confront her of my suspecisions??? If so how do I go about it???
2006-08-28 03:03:07 · 13 answers · asked by g m 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For now, don't jump to conclusions. You have some very serious suspicions, but nothing concrete yet. This could be just two people planning a lunch together, just to catch up. She doesn't need to know you know anything just yet. I think it is much wiser for you to continue your surveillance of her, and see just where this goes.
What you need to do for now, is watch her and see how she behaves. Is she doing things she either has never done in all the time you have known her or is she acting in ways you haven't seen her act in years? When the next "free weekend" comes up, be sure you are free to go where they go. Try your best to be sure you are not seen. Observe from afar. Keep notes and documentation of everything you see and hear(be very meticulous in record keeping, make sure you note days, times and places). If you do have access to chat logs, and emails print copies for yourself.
Once you have the whole story, and the evidence to back it up, then, and only then, is when you need to confront her.
I know you must be hurting right now. I also know and realize you don't want anything to happen between your wife and this man. All though we are total strangers, I am right there with you. I would much rather believe this is two people who are meeting just to catch up and talk about old times. Keep in mind, can you say you know she hasn't already cheated with him? As bad as this makes you feel, you need to know for sure what is happening. Wouldn't you rather know if she is being unfaithful to you? Life is to short to live with someone who is unfaithful, that is no life for you or your son. Eventually he will come to know what is going on. Is that what you want for you and your son? I know I wouldn't want it to be like that if I were in your shoes.
The whole reason you approach this from this angle is because you want to eliminate the doubt about her intentions with this man, and eliminate any plausible deniability she has if she really is cheating on you with this man. You don't want her to be able to say all we did was have lunch if you know and can say you saw her go in to a hotel room with him, and maybe have a picture of her going in to the room with him. You are in a much stronger position when you can say for absolute certainty I know what is going on with you and this man.
Lots of luck to you.
2006-08-28 03:39:55 · answer #1 · answered by bowtierodz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I would try and be the best husband, lover, friend so that she won't be tempted. Try and win her heart back, or her bed back. Something is missing if she is doing this. I am not sure what it is.
I would try and be as sweet and good to her that you could possibly be and see if she changes her mind. Do something really different, try romancing her, making love to her after you romance her brilliantly. Try candles, rose petals, soft music, a fresh fruit salad served in Margarita glasses with fresh mint. Tantalize all her senses. Surprise her in some way. Make sure you know how to make her have some kicking orgasms. That never hurts. If you don't ask a friend you trust or ask the question here. Better yet, get a book and read about something new that you haven't done but think that she would be up for.
If you see where she is still trying to do this. Then at the last minute, I would tell her that you know while trying to keep from losing it.
You might try something like saying I love you and I love your heart etc, ask her what is missing to make her want to go have a fling with her ex. If you stay calm, she may tell you and then you can work through your problems.
Good luck to you.
2006-08-28 03:23:39 · answer #2 · answered by KTR 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's already cheated on you by even planning this little rendevous! The thoughts are in her head even tho there hasn't been any physical cheating. If you are sure this is what she is planning, you need to confront her otherwise it will drive you insane. I wouldn't wait until this weekend comes, I'd talk to her as soon as possible. Just be honest with her and explain that you had a feeling on this so you checked and confirmed your suspicions and ask her just what does she want from your marriage and why she would do this.
2006-08-28 03:11:02 · answer #3 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you should comfront her. Don't get all crazy hallering and screaming. Just sit her down and talk to her. If she tries to lie, tell her that you've got proof or that you seen emails or heard phone calls.(Whatever the situation was) Let her know that you love her very much but you will not stand for that. If nothing has happened yet, a weekend getaway, you know something will happen. Make her chose you or him. Good Luck!
2006-08-28 03:14:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you love your wife, you should confront her for sure. But try to do it in the least threatening way as possible so she won't become defensive. I am not defending her actions at all, but sometimes people reconnect with old flames only because of nostalgic purposes ... maybe you need to spice up your marriage. But you definitely need to go to marriage counseling together.
2006-08-28 04:45:33 · answer #5 · answered by danika1066 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know this is one of those situations that is very hard. Me being me, I would let her go, follow them, then kick the living sh@t
out of the other guy but that wouldn't be the correct way to handle it. You should talk to your wife let her know you know and
how it breaks your heart at the very thought of it. There's nothing wrong with chatting as long as that is where it stays, chatting.
Good Luck....
2006-08-28 03:15:21 · answer #6 · answered by nbr660 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you know where she is going and who she will be with. Give her a head start and "drop" in on her. That should make things interesting. If you confront her now, all she will do is deny, deny, deny, and try and turn this around on you about how you don't trust her etc.
Remember: Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater!
2006-08-28 03:12:01 · answer #7 · answered by tallerfella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Confront it head on. Tell her flat out you were looking through the IM logs and found out that she was planning a get away to meet "ABC". Ask her if she intends to leave you for him, and if she wants a divorce or if she wants to go to counseling with you.
2006-08-28 03:46:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes I would be calm and loving and let her know what you have found out. if may every well pay off in the long run. and hopefully she will open up to you and explain everything, if you let it go , chances are you might loose her all together, myself, I would fight for my love. Just tell her how you feel. maybe she needs to hear that.
good luck and hope all works it's self out.
2006-08-28 03:38:23 · answer #9 · answered by RAINBOW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You better hurry and confront her. It's amazing how people get a new perspective of their behavior when confronted by the person they are hurting.
2006-08-28 03:10:00 · answer #10 · answered by ok 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋