He wants time apart, time for himself?

Question

Yesterday I came back from a weekend spent with my boyfriend. We spent a nice weekend but today we argued a little. I started to cry and he got really upset with me and told me that these kind of situations makes him hesitate to be sure about us. He told me that he thinks we need time apart. He reassured me he is not breaking up with me but he needs time to think about us, his life, his career plans. What do you think I should do? I wanted to find out from him today if he sees me in his future and he said that he feels like I am always pressuring to talk to me about us and he says our fights and my cries do not make him feel too convinced about us. When I was leaving today, he kissed me and said to me " see you ok?". He said he does not want anybody else, he just wants time on his own as he feels exhausted with everything.
I sent him a message today to thank him for the weekend and to wish him good luck with job applications he has been stressed about bur no reply from him

Answer 1

Wanna know what i think? only because its happend t me too? leave him be, he doesnt want you, he probably likes someone else. you wont believe this, but neither did i until after 2 years that he wanted someone else.
Keep your head up high and move on girl.

Answer 2

He's obviuosly scared by your insecurities & emotions. The fact that you mentioning crying twice, seems to say to me that YOU think that is the problem. You have answered your own question really. Men do don't know how to cope with us crying. They're not all adapted to show emotions themselves.

Do you live together? If not maybe this weekend was a test to see if you could and now he wants time to mull it over.

We all need "me space" every now & then.

He sounds like he has a lot on his plate and pressure to get a job. Give him a day or two & then text again to ask him how it's going & say that you are there to help him if he needs it.

I would have to say that you should also be prepared to know that you might not hear from him, sorry but it may be a fact of life that this is how he wants to deal with things.

Good luck :-)

Answer 3

He wants space, cool give it to him, even if its killing u inside, give it to him.. dont msg him dont call him , let him make the first move, if he really loves u, he'll wonder ummmm? where is she? she's not calling?? take the power away from him, right now he has all the power and ur on the begging end, STOP.. if u keep it up ur going to drive him away, he wants his space, take this time to give it to him and do ur own thing, if he loves u he'll call, if he doesnt, then u know where u stand with him, .. Be independent.. let him come to u for a change, he'll start wondering why the big change in u suddenly and probably become worried if he does love u.. Give him a week to call , email, msg u.. if he doesnt call u after a week, theres a more serious problem then what he's leading on.. At this point the only chance u have is backing off and actting like ur happy even if u feel like screaming and crying inside.. act like this is no big deal almost to a point where u dont care, but not that cold.. but trust me, if u dont give him his space he will more then likely leave u.. 90% sure, if u give him his space and start acting like a stong , independent woman, u have a 50/50 shot of hanging on to him.. so give him a week if he doesnt call , then call him and tell him to F off, cause if he doesnt miss u after a week, theres something seriously wrong and he's just stringing u along for the ride..

But im going to be honest with u, from my own life expirence, this isnt good at all.. and u need to start detaching urself incase the inevitable is coming..and prepare urself for the worst, because it sounds like a bunch of excuses not to be committed to u..

Answer 4

I know you are confused. My advice would be give him exactly what he is asking for. No pressure at all. Back off and give him exactly what he wants. Turn the cards on him.. You will push him away by being clingy right now.. (Why? i never understood this but it is true) THe best way to get him and keep him, is to be secure with youself.. Be confident enough to say okay, you can have all the time you need.. (and then be happy keep yourself busy and DO NOT call him! whatever you do..) and then make him chase you! Be strong and independent, many men will like that side of you and find it very attractive.

Answer 5

If you and your boyfriend do not live close enough that you can have weeknight dates, you have a large obstacle to a successful relationship, Violet: distance.
You sent him a "message," as in an e-mail? Not as personal as a call and far more easily ignored or put off for later response.
You're either 1) reading WAY to much into this or 2) starting to see the beginning of the end of this relationship. I hope it's #1. Good luck.

Answer 6

When some guys get serious, they do need time to think about things. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. What can be a bad thing is the fact that it sounds like you're smothering the hell out of him. Give him a couple days to think. Let him breathe. It sounds like he is interested, but if you continue to push him, you will run him off. Guys are not like girls. They don't always know how they feel and they do need to think before they act.

If you don't hear from him in like two days, give him a call and say something like "how ya doing?" Don't be "Well, am I in your future or not? Do you love me or not? I really need to know!!!" This will drive anyone freaking crazy. Just lay off for a little while till he figures sh*t out. I really do think he'll be back.

Answer 7

"I need time for myself" is the kiss of death in a relationship. This means he is trying to ease into a break up. He doesn't want to hurt you, so he's trying to let you down easy. It's pretty much over. Sorry to be so blunt, I'm just being honest. He may already have someone else waiting in the wings. People are like that. Just don't contact him and see if he calls you. If he doesn't, then you know.

Answer 8

His stress level is off the charts and if you pressure him you are not going to get the answer you are hoping. Give him a lot of space. Don't e-mail him or call. Wait for him to miss and need to be with you. As long as he has you he does not have to include you in the equation of his life choices. He will make room if you are important...in the meantime just give it a rest and him a period of separation.

Answer 9

Sounds like he has a lot on his mind and you smothering him doesn't help. He said he needed some time, that means don't send him e-mails, just let him have some breathing room. If you pressure him too much, you may end up losing him forever.
I hope everything works out for the both of you.

Answer 10

Men are "space" freaks - my husband still needs his time and space. After 5 years, I have actually come to enjoy "his" space, because that gives me time to do things that I really enjoy and he doesn't. Sounds like your guy is under a great deal of mental stress and needs to sort out things. Don't email him, don't call him, let him be. He will appreciate you more for doing so, and it will make him feel closer to you if you respect his wishes. Besides that, if you do leave him alone, he will come to find that he misses you more than he ever imagined. Trust me - I have one like him also - and it works

Answer 11

Hey hun, since I'm one of the first to answer your question, I will lay it down gently...
this happened to me but in my case i was the one that put our relationship on "hold" i will tell you my reason and maybe it will help you...?
my boyfriend then, which is my husband now, was a little overwhelming at times,constantly wanted to be hugging kissing grabbing my hand wanted me to tell him how much i loved him every minute, call him every second...and all of that is cute but it came a time when he was in every aspect of my life causing me to have no time for myself. I loved him and still do but it was very overwhelming, now from what you have explained it sounds to me that you are on the same track, give him space so much space that he will find himself alone for days or weeks allow him time to miss you if you guys just put your relationship on "hold" and you are still calling him often and asking him questions, leaving him messages... so on, so on, I'm sure thats not what he wanted. he wants space so if you really love him and want to be with him give him that space. your relationship depends on it. TRUST ME my man gave me so much space when i broke his heart by telling him that he was way too attached. I saw myself alone and i REALLY began to realize that i was losing something VERY special. 4 years later we got married 7-21-06. please take my advise and give him all the time he needs! also for (yourself)use this time to help yourself as well, what have you wanted to do that you havent had the time because you have been in a relationship? Think about it and when you find the answer do it!(something that wont affect your relationship when you get back with him;) This will help you get your mind off him for a little bit. REMEMBER THIS IS TEMPORARY but if you dont do this right it may never be anything again...