staying or leaving?

Question

i've been through so much with my husband in the short time we've been married (almost 2 years). my friends remember when I was so happy and bubbly and highly goal oriented. since I've been married I've endured so much heartache. my mother says she's never heard me cry so much but she never tells me to leave, she's a prayer warrior and tries to get me to stick it out until I know I'm ready to leave for sure. my friends of course see otherwise they want to pack me up with every weekend that rolls by. I usually leave an uncomfortable relationship but it's different for me now that I am married. Though he claims he wants to he never leaves either for some reason. I want to leave sometimes (i never tell him this) but I don't want to regret it. why do you think my threshold for tolerance is higher?

Answer 1

Follow your heart and right now I think you should stay. Maybe you two can get some counseling. It's hard but remember the vows you took with this man. Marriage is not easy. Good luck and I will pray for you =0)

Answer 2

The frist five years of marriage are the hardest! You're getting used to one another and each other's quirks. The five year thing is not a myth. I'm not sure what you have been going through but if you are completely unhappy and don't have any children, it is better to end it now. If you have children, then try to work it out unless he's abusing you and/or you children. Could it be that you are just wanting to hang out with your single friends again? You did not say what has happened in your relationship, so it's sort of hard to give any advice. I may suggest taking a break and see if you miss him.

Answer 3

Unfortunately sometimes we build up our brick walls and pain thresholds so high, that we dont realise we are becoming desensitized.....that is what our mothers mean when they say, leave before he destroys who you are......honey if you dont wanna be there, then dont there are many places out there that will support you in this day and age, and they will do all they legally can to get you back on your feet, you sound like you have quite a supportive network of friends, use them as your need to, that is what they are there for, even if you have to move things out little by little so that he doesnt realise whats going on, but please if there is no love.....dont stay, its not worth ruining your life over. You need to remember most of all, this is YOUR life not anyone elses, and people will love you just the same, regardless of what you decide.

Answer 4

because in the back of your mind u honestly want to work thing out because u do not want to quit or give up because that makes u feel like u failed that is how i feel sometimes and i do not want to give up yet i hate to fail at any thing its so hard to just give up and let go good luck i hope things work out for u but if u are really unhappy with him and there is no way to heal the hurt he has done then i would leave but if it does then stay its hard i know you think about all the plans u made when u where happy and u want to see all of the plans come true and you do no want to go throw life thinking what could have been

Answer 5

I don't know how old you are but one thing I do know is that life it very short and one should not live it depressed and crying! There is something very wrong in this marriage to make you go from bubbly to crying. You either need to get to the root of your problem or move on. You've stated you've gone thru so much in 2 years, can this be fixed?

Answer 6

First of all, it would help if I knew what exactly was going on in your marriage to make you feel so badly. Is he abusive??? If he is in any way, then get OUT! If he isn't, well, then what is wrong? Maybe you got married too early?? Maybe the stress is catching up with you? I have been married for 12 years and with my husband for 14, and we have been through hell and back. He had an affair last year and left for seven months, but I never gave up on him because I knew he was personally having some issues. He finally admitted what his problem was, seeked out help from the doctor and reconciled with me at the end of last year. We started going to counselling and are working things out. He moved back in in March. I didn't give up on our relationship because in my GUT i knew I wanted to fight for him. Maybe that's what you need to do. Go to counselling with him and see what is going on. Maybe the two of you can figure out what is wrong and make it better. Unless in your gut you really want to leave, then keep fighting for your marriage:).Feel free to email me if you wish to talk more:). Good luck and God Bless:)

Answer 7

It sounds like you need some marital therapy to work on your communication and getting along with one another. You both probably have your issues that are keeping you from communicating effectively and if you separate you will take those issues with you to your next relationship. Work on this one. Bloom where you are planted. You married him because you loved him. Marriage is a lifetime commitment to grow with one another. If your mother is a prayer warrior I hope to assume that you and your husband are stong or growing in your faith too. Faith gives us principles to live by that work to create harmony in our homes and lives. You need to have honesty in your relationship. You both need tools in hand so that you can feel safe. Two books that I like to recommend are "Safe People" and "Boundaries" co written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. You can buy these books on Amazon.com or E-Bay. I join in prayer with your mother in believing in healing, restoration and strength for your marriage. It takes work and insight but as you say you are highly goal oriented so use that strength to work on this marriage. Blessings to you!

Answer 8

you didnt say why you've endured so much heartache.Im really sorry to hear it, im about to get married, and it scares me to think you can have so many dreams and then they go crashing down because you misjudge the man you're about to marry. Please pack up and go find back the life you used to lead. Dont compromise your happiness for anyone, not even your husband.

Answer 9

you made a commitment to your relationship. and it takes work. don't leave and throw away your marriage just because things get tough, work in the right direction towards a healthier marriage, have you gone to him and calmly set him down and open up to one another. You loved him at one point, so I believe you still do, I wish you both blessing in your marriage and good luck.

Answer 10

Honey if you love him and if he loves you then work it out. But it takes two for a marrige to work . IF he's not helping than I would go ahead and leave . Just get separated for a few weeks and if you like it then you will have your answer about what to do.