How do I get my husband to understand that I need him home even if he's just sleeping? He works 12 hour shifts and then does things with his friends after work for a fe whours instead of coming home. I never get any time to myself becuase I am always tkaing care of our son and even when we get a babysitter I am always too busy just catching up on things that need to be done to sit down and relax. I know that I seem a little desperate but I am. We argue about this and I just want it resovled. He makes me feel bad because I know that he has friends from work who he sees everytime he is at work and he feels like he never gets to go out with them but I need him too. He says that we spend more time together than any other married couple he knows (they all are either divorced or do not have any kids and are free to do whatever). I just want him to understand... am I being unrealistic?
2006-08-28 02:34:02 · 12 answers · asked by mommy_2_little_man 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No you arent He should go out on weekends only unless hes with you going out.
2006-08-28 02:38:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are being unrealistic. I feel that your husband needs to step up to the plate. Taking care of children is a 2 parent job. Have you tried talking to him and telling him just how you feel? If he still dosen't understand then get drastic. In advance you and a friend plan a weekend get away. Tell your husband about it. Tell him that he will need to take care of your son. Maybe this way he will get a taste of his own medicine. He needs to hold up his end of the " marriage commitment"
2006-08-28 09:51:52 · answer #2 · answered by Wally 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally back you up on this... He shouldnt go out every night after work with his friends maybe once a week but not every night tell him what you feel you want him to be around more and all that is in your heart but if he starts to though a fit about it and argue just take your son to do things that would be fun for the both of you...And he will think maybe you do fine without him around and he will start to show up more... : ) God Bless
2006-08-28 09:47:30 · answer #3 · answered by Lauren D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try reverse psychology and say it in the sweetest way you can. Always start your discussion with "I feel..." and not directly blaming him for what he's not and not doing. You'd want to hear "I miss having you around and I feel we need to have a quality time as family" than "why do you always spend time with your friends after work?! do you want to be with them instead of be with me?!"
Schedule his time off from work.. like probably every Friday he can go out with his friends or twice a week (you know they also need to relax and unwind with their friends, they also need to boys talk as much as we have our girls talk) and/or give him a curfew (probably 12mn, the latest 1am and he gets to do the cooking next day). 3-4x a week, he's home early and playing with your baby (or better with you) and/or having a family time. Once in a while, try to go out with your girlfriends too and once in those once-in-a-while, you bring him along.
These work for my hubby and I truly hope they will too for you. Just don't be too hard on him and listen with all your heart. Goodluck!
2006-08-28 09:50:11 · answer #4 · answered by kamahalan_12 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't being unrealistic. I sense a bit of a problem in that you say when you do get a baby sitter, you don't have time for your husband because you are busy "catching up on things that need to be done." Are you too busy doing things to sit down and negotiate your relationship with your husband? Could you leave undone some things "that need to be done" but don't HAVE to be, in order to have time with your husband when he is home? In return, ask some things of him such as help doing things that need to be done.
Here is my problem with your question. You say things that don't ring true. Such as, "I just want this resolved." Is that another way of saying you want it resolved the way YOU want it to be resolved without give and take? You say, "I just want him to understand" but that's not really what you mean, right? What you mean is, "I just want him to understand AND CHANGE HIS BEHAVIOR", right? Negotiate but be clear about what you need from him and be ready to give as well as take.
2006-08-28 09:47:46 · answer #5 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're smothering him which will make him want to stay away even more. If he's sleeping he's not spending quality time with you so it sounds to me like you just want him away from his friends. You asked this question just a little bit ago and I answered it there. One thing you have NOT said is about the time he isn't spending with your son. I was a mother of 3 and I can't imagine you being so busy that you couldn't sit down and relax.
2006-08-28 09:43:43 · answer #6 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not but find a way to manage your time,maybe quit your job and take a part time job,hire a maid or other service to help you get caught up on duties around the house. But take time for yourself.
2006-08-28 09:44:35 · answer #7 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys should sit down alone and calmly discuss this, and try to work out a plan that works for both of you. If this keeps on it could end the relationship. I think you should fight for what you want, fight to save your marriage.
2006-08-28 09:54:10 · answer #8 · answered by hello 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to let your husband's focus be on you and the children. I mean, do things (loving things) that will make your husband focus on you
to have him focus on you is the inner thing
to Love you is different from focusing on you.
he love you, but you have to make him focus on you by applying a good and better way.
2006-08-28 09:59:24 · answer #9 · answered by www.tonizek.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To day is my 9Th anniversary, My advice is make time together set a side at least to min. a day to just talk.(not about bills either) Without interruptions.
Have a date night. Even if it s McD's get dressed up and enjoy each other.
Could you join your husband and his friends?
I wish you the best of luck.
2006-08-28 09:46:40 · answer #10 · answered by Ang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey try this make him want u if u all are out look at other guys u do that he,ll start spending more time
2006-08-28 09:45:28 · answer #11 · answered by bubba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋