PLEASE HELP! I NEED ADVICE!My husband works alot and I am busy but a stay at home mom who is home alot and he?

Question

(12 hour shifts at night) several nights a week and then sleeps during the day on most dat days so I am left to take care of everything (the house, our son, and everything else). After he gets off work on one of the few days that he gets off he decides to go and work out with his friends instead of coming home. I feel guilty because I want him home even though he would probably be asleep and I try to explain that I want him home but it just sounds stupid because well he makes me feel bad I guess. He sees his friends all the time at his work and then he hangs out and talks with them for like half an hour afterwards and he says that he never spends gets to spend anytime with them and that we spend more time together than any married couple he knows...but how can this be if he's working 12 hour shifts at night and sleeping during the day a majority of the week and I am busy as well? How can I explain to him that I think he should be home (even if he is sleeping) instead of out?

Answer 1

well i think that a half hour after work is not bad at all. he needs that time. maybe you guys could come up with an agreement to set aside at least an hour for you guys just to be togehter, talk, or do other things. is there any way you guys could get a babysitter some nights?

Answer 2

Good luck with that. My boyfriend who I live with is kind of the same way. He works a lot of hours too and then talks on the phone to his buddies, and even though he is here, we have very little "quality time" together. He thinks that sitting beside each other on the couch and watching tv is quality time, and sleeping beside each other at night as quality time. I long for nice romantic chats and dinners, and everything, but his life is too hectic. I also am a stay at home Mom, I have 2 children of my own from previous relationship and he has a child from a previous relationship. I understand how hard this can be. And when you are with children all day, you long for the adult conversation. Men just don't get it. They think we have it easy. Stay at home Moms have a full-time job and they don't get any credit and they don't get paid. My advice is to plan some sort of a special couples night... Hire a babysitter and do something special. Whether it is going out to dinner, or sitting home and eating dinner together, you need alone time to re ignite your marriage. It is hard, and especially when he is spending time with you, you probably have kids crawling all over you (I know we do) and it is hard to get the couple time you so much long for and deserve. Good luck and I will be thinking of you, as this has happened to me in the past and still does at times.

Answer 3

Your premise is incorrect Why are you questioning that basically for the reason which you do no longer artwork outdoors the residing house you presently have not say in what your husband does whilst those strikes impact your marriage Your fee on your marriage and your voice could have not any much less fee now than it ever did-it particularly is predicated on your place interior the marriage no longer your financial contribution you haven't any longer without warning replace right into a new child or a 2nd type citizen- you're nonetheless the different a million/2 of the couple So- you and your husband might desire to take a seat-devoid of the youngsters around so as which you will communicate what the desires of the family members are-and the obstacles of the marriage. Then create a plan for assembly those desires and protecting those obstacles whilst outdoors forces attempt to horn in and step over those obstacles additionally, bear in ideas that your husband might somewhat be feeling a extensive burden due on your income loss- so cut back him some slack and make a itemizing to instruct him how lots funds you're easily saving the family members by using being a stay at residing house mom. (If there is not any longer a extensive value reductions-then you particularly are no longer friendly your part of the deal-as you could virtually pay for your self in value reductions except you particularly have been paid somewhat properly at your activity) sturdy luck- this could be a tricky ingredient to maintain on with via with yet very very invaluable you additionally can might desire to get your priorities rapidly whilst it comprises your daughter. babies do no longer might desire to soak up the whole day- and counting on her age you've got the skill to establish a schedule that facilitates you various time to deal with your study and nonetheless discover information on a thank you to be a fee-useful SAHM-preserving in ideas that your new plan has your hubby doing his section too

Answer 4

Seriously he's got issues with a commitment to the family. I have to points of view. If you love him, talk to him and let him know how neglected you feel and if he cares he will find a way to solve the problem, because if he is not TOO TIRED to go to gym he can't be too tired when he goes home and if he is he should probably quit on one of the both he should pick whichever is more important to him. Also, I don't know you but if your child is school aged already get a job and spend time SOCIALIZING with others as well. As an adult you spend most of your time with a child and that child needs to socialize with other children and you NEED to socialize with other adults as well. My 2nd point of view if there are other problems and you don't love him anymore save money, value the most you can the time you do have now to give your child and eventually get out. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

Ok, first ur not exactly being fair.. ur entitled just as much as he is to have friends, and should be able to have time to himself that isnt Work, or Family related, just his time.. he works hard to provide for you and your children, not very many households these days can afford to live on one income.. Im not saying he should spend every chance he gets with his friends, but he needs down time to.. and hanging out with ur friends doing something fun is alot different then when ur busy at work.. And if ur staying home all the time and not doing any "me" time for yourself then thats wrong as well u should set time for yourself where u can get a babysitter to watch ur kids for a few hours to go do something u enjoy, getting ur hair done, nails, hobbies whatever.. but everyone needs some sort of outlet, and to try and take his completely away from him would be wrong, u need to make a compromise with him.. something that keeps him happy and you happy.. but just because u feel trapped by 4 walls and children, dont make him feel trapped as well.. u are perfectly cabable of getting someone to come in and watch the kids a few hours a week for u to give u the me time u need as well.. compromise would be.. if he has say 2 days off a week.. u could either give him a few hours a day on one of the days off to go do his work out thing, or 2 days a month for longer period of time thats just "his" time.. dont smoother him trust me, it wont help ur marriage if u become smoothering and possesive, and if thats not how u are, great but thats exactly what u sound like, it could be worse, id rather my husband going to the gym to hang out with his friends, rather then going to a bar, or something..

Answer 6

Hi there, my dad is a real estate lawyer and my mom is home mostly by herself for long stretches because he works on contracts with clients a lot. He can sometimes work 80 hour work weeks, so be thankful for what you do have. 12 hour days aren't really long at all, and he is doing it for your benefit in the long run. He has friends at work because he is there all day. Try getting a part-time job during the day, it will make you feel less lonely, that is what my mom did for awhile...she worked part-time at Barnes and Noble, for the fun of it...not for the $$. She worked there for 2 years before she decided for a break...now she is thinking of going back. Good luck!

Answer 7

I understand how you feel. I felt the same way, so I started my own work from home business. I needed the adult contact just like my husband did and when I went out in the evening to do my business, I got a baby sitter one to two nights a week while I got paid to party! My husband started respecting me more because I really started making lots of money and he knew I had my own life too.

You need activity and other woman who know how you feel too. Go and check out my website. This business changed my life.

Answer 8

my husband wks 12 hr sift alot and sun are the only days he has off for sure and we are involved at church all day finally i asked him if we could have date time at least 3 times a month sometimes we go to lunch and a movie and some times its supper and to buy groc. or a trip to the mall our last date we ordered in and layed in the bed watching tv a couple has to have alone time w/o friend s kids blls or any other stressful things we have been doing this for over 20 yrs and it wks when our sons were lil i got my sisters or mom to watch them for a few hrs you need that time being togeather during sleeping is not really togeather and you need to put each other first and you shouldn't fill guilty cause you want quality time w/ you husband good luck

Answer 9

Because he's working so much and all he does at home is sleep, maybe he's looking at home as a place to crash and until he gets home, he can socialize. See if you can't meet him after work to socialize with him, this gets you out of the house, lets you be with your husband, and he doesn't feel the need to go to sleep.

Answer 10

I have the same problem. His argument that you spend more time together than any other married couple, isn't really the point. You can't compare yourself to others, everyone has different relationships.
Can't you come to some compromise, maybe if he can set aside a time each week thats 'your' time? Just tell him you feel neglected. And can't he just give you a bit of his time, not all of it?