Im feeling like im at the end of my tether....?

Question

I have been up all night thinking whether me and my partner shold stay together. All we do at the moment is argue and he makes up things that i was suppose to have said or done which never happened. He seems to pick on everything I say and hates to be challenged when he knows hes wrong.
I feel like he doesnt really care about me anymore but this morning he knew there was something wrong and was trying to be sweet.
The biggest benefactor out of all of this is that he is suffering from depression. I am very supportive as i have previously suffered, but i dont know how long I can string this sham of a relationship out for.
Am i being selfish? alll i want is my equal and to be loved.
Or am I going through a rough patch? should I stick it out and see how it goes or should I cut my losses and finish it?
We have been together over 2 years and are engaged but 4 months ago I had to move away for a job and It has put strain on our relationship ever since- help me! ( I do love him)

Answer 1

well, I'm suffering from a very deep depression now and i can understand your bf. i have a very perfect man for husband, but i constantly picking up on him and am unsatisfied with what he does. i feel very very guilty after. so i know your bf feels guilty. and i also know this depressive state ends for some sooner for some later. so when it ends he will be so much grateful to u that u can stand him and believe me he understand how much pain in the *** he is and he is very very grateful to u that u re staying with him. i know that cos this is how i feel about my man. i also asked him to dump me cos i don't deserve him, but he said he loves me and never leaves me. for that i feel even more grateful. so gain all your courage. the depression ends sooner or later. but the bad thing is that it usually tends to come back. mine comes every month. maybe soon u will deduct the schedule and will be able to manage it. i hope that i was some help. have courage. we abnormal people feel very very much gratefulness to those who love us and suffers from us.

and if u dump him as somebody probably suggests and find another one, there will be not so much more chance that that other one wouldn't be the same depressed, or obnoxious or violent or smth else. there re no normal people

Answer 2

Oh believe me, get out while you still can. You only live once and life is too short. There's no point in going on like this, and even if things do get better (which is doubtful), you'll still always remember the past and things that have happened. You can only do so much for a person. You've got your own life and happiness to consider too. You got to be cruel to be kind at times. I know this is easier said than done, but believe me i have been there. I think you need a fresh start, and it may be the best thing for him too, but it will take one of you to make a move, and he sounds as if he's not strong enough to do that, so i'm afraid it's gonna have to be you. I spend the best years of my 20s in a relationship that nobody would really believe if i told them all the details of. Now i'm 30 and i look back and realise that i wasted so many years and have been left behind compared to other people my own age. You must think of your own happiness. Best of luck X

Answer 3

Perhaps some spacebetwen you for a while might help. If possibly amicably and the communication channels still open. Live apart and see if that helps. You are being true to yourself if you do this because the situation at the moment seems intolerable to you and is going to drag you down into a depressive cycle again. Living with a depresed person is not easy and statements likesnap out of it or things are never that bad are not helpful. I am sure you know this.....but at the same time, if you have given so much and it still seems impossible , it may be that it is justthat......alternatively some councelling might help, if you can get him to agree to go with you.

Answer 4

I dont think your selfish at all you do have a very good point. I would spend some time apart from each other for a while as you say he is suffering from depression he needs to get that sorted before you can go further on in you relationship. Sit down and talk to him and come to some arrangement to spend some time apart and take a break from you relationship for a while.

Answer 5

When people are depressed they are far from rational which is want you are finding out with your irrational partner. In addition, when people (especially men!) know they are wrong, they attack - it seems their ego is more important to them than our feelings.
There is no guarantee that things will get any better however much talking you do, it's worth a try but don't expect too much.
Finally, remember to take care of your mental health, you say you have already suffered from depression in which case the present situation with your partner is not helping you to heal, is it? Take care...

Answer 6

well it does sound like you are going through a rough time right now...having to move away for a job probably did not help but you have to have money to live...i do not think though that a guy should always blame everything on the woman...the arguing all the time is going to ruin your relationship...i know it would keep me upset...see if you two can talk and if you can work your problems out...you said you love him then you probably want it to work out....if he feels the same then you both need to call a truce on this arguing and try to enjoy when you are together....talk to him and tell him all this arguing has to stop....if he loves you as you love him you to can work this out...i would try before i just gave up..i do not know what you are arguing about but i am sure it is not all just you....men like to blame the woman, i do not know why but i know it is a fact.....

Answer 7

Is this man depressed?
Depression usually means that someone has kind of lost the will to fight their corner, apathetic and slightly anhedonic (unable to enjoy themselves). This man seems a might too controlling to be very depressed.
Why doers he make things up? Is it to argue with you or undermine your confidence in what is real or unreal?
You said it yourself..this sham of a relationship.
Men or women who annoy or upset someone often creep round by being nice afterwards but if this behaviour of his is giving you more lows than highs I would give some serious thought about how you view yourself. Are you worth more? Do you want this to continue indefinitely?
Has he sought help for his depression? Does he do anything to combat his mood, brisk walking everyday for at least 2 miles (this really works!!!!).
I think you know the answer but maybe you are afraid of life without him. Let me tell you..something is not better than nothing.
Please think more of yourself and make the most of your life.
Best of luck X

Answer 8

Some times are much harder than others. Keep your chin up. If you love him then it's worth trying to sort it out. Especially if he's not his usual self at the moment. Time apart usually doesn't work. so it's a case of do or don't.

Does he have any reasons to feel depressed? When things were good, was you loved as his equal as you desire.

If you wasn't totally happy before, what's worth fighting for?

Good luck

Answer 9

There's definitely a problem with him, he's not happy and he's making you feel miserable too. You're not selfish.
If he keeps acting like this just tell him that it's better to go your own ways. Depends what he does next....if he changes or not.
Lots of luck!

Answer 10

This is not the right relationship for you....Leave let him deal with his problem and when he is settle maybe you can get back together...