loveless sex and letting go?

Question

I went from having the best, most passioante sex ever with my ex to now having a disinterested, unemotional, and unfulfilling experience where I have to fantasize in order to orgasm.

We were separated for months and in divorce proceedings, which I instituted after he did not respect me nor our marriage. After months he came back, asked for forgiveness and a new opportunity. I thought I still loved him, and was willing to admit as humans we all err, and that it is how we address our mistakes that makes or break us.

However, after one day and having sex I finally realize I don't love him anymore after everything he put me through. When I let go of the past, I lost my love as well. I warned him once I let go it was for good, and it seems I accomplished it.

So the divorce proceeding is back up...Has this happened to anyone else, where you try to get away, and yet keep coming back until there is nothing left to come back to? Even when for a while you so desperately wanted it?

I have no problem with my self esteem. I am attractive and have dated a couple of guys, but I also realize I do not want a relationship with anyone right now. I am not ready for that. I did tell my ex that I no longer love him. I have always been upfront with him about my emotions, and I went above and beyond what I had to do to save my marriage. So now that he finally decides to work on it, it's too late...and so that's fate...or destiny...go figure...funny thing is I still think he's hot...

The sex is not "bad". It's just not the same...We are no longer making love, passionate love that makes you feel only the two of you exist at that place and time...and I don't want sex for the sake of sex...And its not love because I no longer want to be attached or have feelings for him...The mind is a powerful tool...

The reason I am asking is because I once thought he was my soul mate...now we have grown into two extremely different people. We are both in our twenties, and do not have any children. I did want a family with him in the future, once my career was established.

It took me a while to let go of the past, and now that I have, it seems very unfair for him to try to keep me.

As long as I was there trying to fix and work it out, he did what he wanted...asked for space and used it to do things which were detrimental to us...

I always communicated with him, and I really gave it my all...I have nothing left to give, and I'm okay with that...

I was just surprised that a love you have had for over six years can fizzle and whither until there is nothing left...

Note that I kicked him out and started a divorce due to his acting single while married as soon as he started doing it(other women, strip clubs, not coming home, etc)

I was totally devoted, faithful, fun, etc.

Answer 1

You have answered your question very appropriately , just go ahead with your decision and restart your future again with more happiness and joy .

Answer 2

hello im taking this as a military guy and a military view.. he is doing what he need to do to support his family.most lily he lives meager through out the week, and all the calls ' just because' is him missing you as much as the kids that are the excuse . you have a place that is Paid for that that is a lot bigger then you know or even want to think about in the coming year. i know its hard and i hurts like heck ever time he has to roll out back to work. what he is most likely not telling you is while part of him wants to go a Larger part that he Can't admit to REAL doesn't. its a Job to provide and kill the dino for the cave Grunt grunt. us old school work till you drop, hard headed, loyal ' good folk' may be getting less in numbers. but you got one. old school yea.but he ie trust worthy and honestly dose it to Prove he love you all. in a couple years you last will be in school and you can go back to school or work and it will loosen up some / a lot. Little comfort now. but its worth looking at. he is also planning something of the same thing. or even more old school. one income family Very hard to do now day. after school for you or you can get a job this can change IS you both want it to. Then he can also be home more [ planning for the future Mmm] You now need to write him a littler and let him know how your feeling, that if there is Any way you need to get some time with Just you and him .. even talk a relative into taking care of the kids and showing up there Friday before he gets of work [ Not mid week and toss of his schedule] and spend a week end Just you too... just doing Dumb **** with no real place to go and no real plans it will help. but do think it over Very hard, get a note book and take a few days and place all the reason on Both sides. for and against. the ones hear and the others then sleep on it. good luck ..

Answer 3

Well that does happen, infact it has happened to me where me and my ex kept coming back till he hurt me even more than when we were in a relationship and its exactly at that time when you know you just have to drop it find another guy and move on.

Great sex sometimes is a great emotional healer but once you reminisce the past it drains you out emotionally and makes you lose trust in yourself and others. It's time to stop now. Maybe not start with the divorce proceedings yet...not because you dont want to separate yourself from him but because you still haven't met another guy who keeps you interested enough to make you stay away from your ex.

The day that happens even if you know its just a rebound and he really needs to be much cuter, nicer and hotter is when you should go ahead with the proceedings. It would make you feel more confident emotionally & physically and would not reduce your self-esteem in any way.

Hope this works for you as it did for me !!!!

Answer 4

200 years ago the human life-span was 35 years. So by the time a woman had produced eight kids half of whom had died there was no more time to worry about divorce. You were pushing the daisies up. Now, as we live into the eighties and women have independence many find it is too much to ask to remain together after the initial reproductive phase. You can bring religion into it if you like but that's the science for you. Leave him.

Answer 5

I've never been through something similar but I have known people who say the same thing as you. You are normal to have these feelings. After being tossed around and about, you would let go and move on with your life and is difficult to love someone still after being hurt.

Tell him how you feel and make sure you keep all the contact at an arm's lenght with this men. He might have still have feelings for you, and if you do not tell him how you feel he might keep hoping that you will eventually love him again.

Answer 6

No I have not gone through that, but I am not surprised that you feel this way. After one day and you are already in bed! What a way to patch things up.

It is good that your hubby wants another chance.
Instead of proceeding with the divorce, try really working things out. Try talking about "the disinterested, unemotional, and unfulfilling experience " with your hubby. Give him a chance to show you he is still interested, and that he is changed? Perhaps he too has some issues with you. Talk about them, come up with ways to spice your affair, have fun. If marriage were a picture, what colour would the both of you paint it and why.

Choose to make your marriage work. He may not be perfect, no body is and certainly not even you. Do not run.

Answer 7

Yes it happens and currently happening to me. I was shocked to see your question and more shocked once I read the whole thing. Right now we are trying to work out our marriage but it feels like I'm the only one that is trying.

Sex has become something that I no longer want. I love him but there is something that is missing and I can't even describe what it is. I told him about this a few weeks ago and he agreed with me. Now we are trying to work through things but some stuff has happened that makes me feel like I'm the only one trying.

How do you know when it's not going to work. I have asked him to go into counseling with me but he thinks that by us talking has fixed everything and it hasn't. Every time I try to talk to him now about it he's like I thought we already have talked about this.

He is my best friend and I love him the thought of losing him scares me but deep inside I feel like I have already lost him. Trust me when I tell you that you are not the only person out there.

Answer 8

i separated with my husband in June of 05' we got back together in Aug 05', i reeeally didn't want to but we have a son. I stuck to it and prayed alot and fought and wanted to leave again. But i didn't and just about 3 months ago something happened, all of a sudden i was madly in love with him and everything he did, said & didn't do was perfect to me. We have been getting along great ever since. I think that all marriages go through different stages. It is easy to be married when everything is going your way, but in tough times you gotta stick together and remember what it was that made you get married in the first place. About the sex, yes i have felt that way many times. Remember that God can put love where there is no more.

Answer 9

Tou did right. You can't make yourself love someone anyway. If the sex is bad, then what's the point. I recently have sex with my long time ago boyfriend of 15 yrs. and it was horrible. I did'nt miss a thing. he is a older guy, but a little boy if you get my drift. Maybe we let each other down. Girl just let it go and move on.

Answer 10

I am going through the same thing right now. My wife and I had the best intimate moments together, but that was all that we had. It was nothing but mad passionate moments, when ever we were alone together. I recently started going to church and changing who I am and she didn't like who I'd become. A brand new person, ready to start all over with my wife. She didn't want that, so now I'm going through a divorce .I don't know if I helped you and your decision,"God bless you" and good luck.

Answer 11

I understand your situation, only I'm not married. I recently ended a relationship where my partner had packed and decided to leave on several occasions, only to come back. He made his final exit two days ago, and although lonely, I have lost the feelings I once had. Just hang in there, someone who is worthy of all you have to offer will come along...