What should I do, I have cheated on my husband?

Question

I failed him because I cheated on him with one of his friends.Our marriage has been rocky even before we had our child.We sat down and talked about it and its heading towards divorce.He said were more like friends with benefits.I know I want love and there just isnt any love between us anymore.I was attracted to his friend and we carried this thing for a month.His friend told me he regreted me and wished none of this would of happened.I dont know why it hurts so much.Yet I asked him why he still always came back and he told me that he had felt so much passion,but just that he couldnt do this no more because he was hurting his friend.Just for once I would like to know what men are thinking.I feel as if he used me, and the sad part about it is that I was starting to fall for this guy.I feel pain just remembering all the harsh things he told me.Can this kind of passion be a good thing?

Answer 1

Olivia is awesome. I like her answer. I have something to add. Your 3rd sentance was a justification to yourself- it was rocky before our child. If it was rocky, don't have a child to save it. It is a horrible idea because now you have a child who will grow up with a separation/divorce. It seems that you don't respect your husband and neither does his friend. I am sorry to say, but I wouldn't blame him in the least if he requested a divorce. And now you are sad because you are feeling used? You were using him for a coping mechanism, selfishness, or a way to get back at your husband for something... Stop making someone else a scapegoat for the consequences of your actions.
The guy you slept with? He's a jerk. Don't fall for him. He was using you and is a scumbag. If he respected you, he would have waited until after your divorce not sneaking behind his friends back.
I would make a clean break, get your priorities straight and figure out how you are going to teach your child what NOT to do in a relationship, (that you have just demonstrated unfortunately to him by this ordeal). Sorry for being harsh, but I find it tough when children are involved. Be true to yourself and stand up for your beliefs. Do right by your child. Be strong and do the right thing. I know you can do it.

Answer 2

What should you do? Tell your husband that you were not woman enough to wait until the divorce and since you couldn't keep your legs closed you thought you would break up a friendship at the same time. You are hurting/ Probably not as much as your husband will be hurt when he finds out you have taken advantage of his trust by ******* his friend like a whore. I think it is kind of funny because what you have said about your lover sounds like he has been using you for a piece of *** and nothing more. With that kind of passion comes pain and it is a just thing. You should tell your husband and tell him that you have no right to ask for him to forgive you and that you will file for a divorce like you should have done BEFORE sleeping around.

Answer 3

You have to be honest with yourself first. Breaking up is like suffering the loss of a love one.
You say your marriage is/was on the rocks and to justify yourself as a person you looked for a self esteem booster in your relationship with this man. Trouble is you were looking in all the wrong places.
Take the time to either get counseling for your marriage or to finish it with dignity.
When you are more settled emotionally you can go looking for someone who will fulfill you as a person. While you are mentally doing the emotional tango relationships are a no go zone.
When the break up is finalized,(and not before) beg your husband to forgive you so that you can forgive yourself. He will probably answer back with cutting words and with good reason, but it will be cathartic for both of you and help you to move on.

Answer 4

First and foremost, if there is no love in the marriage, get out of it and avoid the abuse you both will putting your child through. Arguments and/or hostilities will torment your child. The friend used you. First of all, with you being married neither of you could actually expect to have a good positive relationship, and secondly, the bull that he is feeding you by stating that he cannot hurt your husband by continuing the affair anymore is his poor and lame excuse to say to you that although the sex may be good, you are not what he wants in life. This type of "passion" as you call it can only lead you to low self esteem, and depression. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Well its tough but the reality check here is that "yes" you have been used n I am sorry but most men would always look at taking advantage of a gal in pain, especially when some one like you whos vulnarable it only makes it worse. Trust me if you did get caught at the end of it all they will point fingers at you n say "she talked me in to it". Im a man too, but the truth is most of the time men think with thier dick.
You will have to make things work with your husband and try to be faithful. Religion is important. Maybe you could start by taking the whole family to church. Good luck

Answer 6

You deserve every bit of sh*t that you're getting and more! You not only failed your husband, you failed yourself, you failed his friend, his friend failed you and your husband, you failed at marriage, and now you're reaping what you have sowed! I don't feel one iota of sympathy for sluts, and you need to face it, you're a hooker of the lowest caliber! And the only thing you can think about is how YOU'RE going to get out of this??! What about your husband, the man you swore a sacred vow to, and then turned around and stabbed him in the back?! You are just the lowest form of life, but don't worry--you'll fall back on some other poor sucker that you'll eventually cheat on! Once a whore, always a whore!! You may be able to detect a tiny bit of bitterness, because I was treated the same way by my ex-whore!! And you batches are all alike, so SUFFER, BATCH!!

Answer 7

Why do you feel the friend used you? It seems to me you used each other. You subconsciously knew he was the weaker of the two of you and that you could seduce him. To be fair to you, you needed comfort and reassurance but you foolishly looked for it in the wrong place. Your husbands friend wants to end it which is the right thing to do and you don't. You need to respark your marriage, learn what happened to the romance. If it can't be helped, you must move on. Some men are just not as emotionally attached as women.
You deserve to have someone who will be devoted to you and love you.

Answer 8

What should you do? You should be ashamed of yourself. It's one thing if you and your husband were separated or in the middle of a divorce, but as is you're 'heading' towards divorce. You cheated on him. You want to know what men are thinking? I'd like to know what 'you' were thinking hooking up with one of his friends. That's a recipe for distaster no matter how you cook it. I just hope that when your soon to be ex husband finds out about this, you two are able to maintain a civil relationship with one another for the child's sake. It's time to come clean I'd say...

Answer 9

Just because there is passion doesn't mean there is love. And if his friend is with you just for the passion of it, and you are looking for love you are better off moving on. I would probably fess up to your husband if even you do split up...because if he finds out later from his friend, the chances of you two remaining friends with benefits will be out the window. Love or NOT.

Answer 10

What a mess, why would think cheating would help, and with his friend. well more than likely he will tell you husband maybe not today but he will. You need to clean your life up for you and your kids. if you need to get a divorce get one stop hurting yourself and everyone else. his friend kept doing you because you kept giving it up. Stop being the poor stray sex kitten and be strong,fix what is wrong at home or move on and stop the poor me story. And you owe it to your husband to be honest with him, unless you just don't care about your self esteem.