How do I move on with a new partner after a past one cheated?

Question

For three years my ex cheated on me and I caught him in a very compromising position. and hit the bird involved I was stupid to beleive the things he told me. I used to be a fun loving person where nothing mattered.He changed that.I'm scared to go out wheres theres heaps of people thinking that I'll lose the wonderful man I now have in my life.He'd do anything for me and loves me unconditionally. Its what every woman looks for in life. The trouble is im scared he'll hurt me too. He likes to drink and I don't and I really don't mind its just when he's had a few he flirts with other women.He doesnt realise it's happening and has asked me to point it out. He wants too help me as much as he can and that helps.Why can't I forget my past and give this man 100% of me as he is for me.

Answer 1

You can't forget the past because it was so painful and you don't want to be hurt like that again. I used to be a very trusting person and would trust anyone until they proved they couldn't be trusted. Now I trust no one until they earn my trust.

About the drinking part, he must be a pretty good guy if he asked you to point out when he is getting out of hand. You should be proud of him for that. Some men would just say not to worry because they don't mean anything by it. At least he wants to be corrected. And it shows he thinks of your feelings.

Don't let it screw up your current relationship. Thank goodness all people are not alike. All I can say is proceed with caution.

Best of luck.

Answer 2

This is how this should go. When you meet someone new you have to remember that he is NOT the other, He is new. so you have to in some way say to your self. I know what I have been through and all I need to really do is make sure I do not fall for those lies again. Put what has happened far in the back of your mind. Explain to your new guy why you are the way you are, and tell him that when he drinks he gets out of hand. That you want to be with him but he need to be able to control his ways Then just let things be as they will be. Try to make the same mistakes. as in staying when the proof is right in front of you and don't make judgments unless you have proof. Good luck

Answer 3

you cant guarantee any one at any time will ever be 100% faithful. If your going to love your going to take the chance you will get hurt. The alternative is your on your own for ever, which I would not find appealing. Take him on face value and if it doesn't work then it doesn't work out and you will get hurt , but you cant have it any other way. As long as he knows the rule is look but dont touch that's fine. He is asking for help for something that is worrying you, now this man is a gem. You may need counseling to get over it or just time.
Be smart move in with him and allow yourself to trust

Answer 4

It is not always possible to just put past relationships in the past, and move on without carrying a bit of luggage with us. You ex obviously hurt you terribly, and that is bound to cause you to doubt your current love. You will probably do this for a while in the beginning of your relationship, but it is important to not carry this kind of doubt around too long. Now that your current boyfriend is aware of your past, he should be able to once again make you feel secure. He is not the other man, and he is not necessarily going to treat you like the other guy did. If you continue to distrust him, he will most likely tire of your insecurity. This sounds like a guy that has a lot of wonderful qualities, but one disturbed me. It sounds like he may be blaming his flirting on his drinking, rather than taking responsibility for letting his drinking get out of hand. I'd think twice about getting too involved with a man who can't control his liquor. Make sure his drinking is under control before you give him 100% of your love, otherwise you may have bigger problems than you do now.

Answer 5

Unfortunately when your trust is betrayed in such a manner, chances are you'll never be the same again. Before you move on to anyone else, you need to deal with your trust issues and get some counseling. I'm not saying that because anything is wrong with you. I'm saying that, because a professional may help you put your feelings and thoughts into perspective in a way that we can't always by ourselves.

Answer 6

I know that that must be a hard place to be. But what's the point in worrying about things in life. I am married, but still have doubts about whether my husband will be loyal to me. It's better to not worry about it, and take him at his word than to let it tear me, and our relationship, apart. If something happens, then doubt him. I know this sounds horrible, but when i got the standard STD tests done when i first got pregnant, I was actually relieved to find they were all negative. Even though i choose to take him at his word, I still need that one thing that feels like proof once in a while. So surprise him after work by telling him you'll meet him down the street at the coffee place once in a while, things like that, on one side, it will alleviate your fears, and on the other, it gives you extra "surprise" time to spend with each other.

Answer 7

i had a similar situation, i feel like very similar with you and trusting someone is getting difficult day by day. some kind of experiments(like this) can cause trauma, professional help might be needed. my heart is with you ! your worries about this new guy are based on something (some strange behaviours, hidden things, lies, etc.) ? if no, try to make your mind cool, get your help and try to begin a new life. if yes, wait a better man.

Answer 8

it's really hard for me to advice on people on this kind of situations just because i went through it all myself. i was with someone for 10 years...one child..and after that down the drain. it made me really bitter and defensive like i hated the whole world. it took me 5 years to get over it and finally started dating again, found a wonderful person who loves me unconditionally, from being pscho to a loving person he loves me. so my advice is...take your time and if he really loves you..he'll stick with you no matter what. i've been with my bf for the last four years and it's still going strong. good luck!

Answer 9

You need counseling to get past it, its not fair to put it on others or for it to hold you back in loving someone else. My ex punished me for thirteen years accusing me of cheating on him because his ex wife did......it only took thirteen years until I finally gave in and said what the hell do I have to lose. Do you have any idea how hard it is to prove your not having an affair?

Answer 10

Be cautious. I'm a man, but tend to speak like a dad. Most of them don't have any principles and aren't worth messing with. I'm sorry to have to be so blunt, people have really deteriorated in general.