In April my husband was caught cheatin with 4 differant women and i dont trust him but were workin on that in councling. Many people would ask why im still here, I LOVE HIM. After i found out i was angry and i left 2 days later i called and told him i was willing to work it out. We went to councling and things were good for a while. Then I relized that when ever we got in an argument he asks for a divorce he wants out, he doesnt, love me. Then like dr jekel and mr. Hyde the next day he kisses me and say he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Then the next dispute, I hate you, I cant deal with you, i'm unhappy, i want out, then again, im cryin and beggin him to fight for our marriage. dr jekel and mr. Hyde shows up, im sorry i love you, I SAID IT BECAUSE I KNEW IT WOULD HURT YOU. Now its gotten to the point were he uses it as a treat to get his way, Change your number or im leavin, Trust me or im leavin, don't ask me why im comin in 3:30am or im leavin. what do i do?
2006-08-27 18:38:24 · 17 answers · asked by lostnlonely0423 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a lawyer and kick his sh1t to the curb. Get everything you can from this man, he's playing you for a mental mind-f**k (or a mindgame) as we call it. Its called keep her anxious and scared so I can do what I want. As long as your afraid, he's free, if you suddenly weren't afraid, he'd have NO LEVERAGE. Sorry, but he no more loves you than the stranger down the street who at least doesn't know you.
The next time he say "this this or I'm leaving." Hand him his ALREADY PACKED BAG. This should show him you are serious. If necessary, dial 911 and ask for police to escort him out. He had a place to stay until 3:30 am so surely the next 5 hours won't be so hard on him?
The trick is: are you going to stay in a relationship and get a disease, possibly life-threatening or are you FINALLY going to respect yourself and take the trash out?
Is this where you hoped you'd be 5 years ago and are you proud of where you are now? Good, then change it, or in 5 years your going to STILL BE THERE, but only YOU can change that future.
2006-08-27 18:53:53 · answer #1 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I guess your husband found another woman. He won't have the courgae to say that unless he already have a replacement. Maybe you have to accept the fact that your relationship doesn't work anymore. Try ro break-up with him. In most cases, men realizes our worth when we are gone. If he does not come back to you, then move on with your life. I know that it's hard but we have to continue living. It will be easier for you if you will whole heartedly accept it. You also have to ask yourself if you have done your part as a wife? Maybe you just need some time and space. After the break-up, make yourself busy and show him that you can live without him. Perhaps, travel and spend time in finding yourself. You can also try looking for a work abroad in order to find a new environment. But the most important thing is pray to God.. :)
2016-03-17 03:37:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry that this is happening to you, but I do think you are suffering from low self esteem get some books about confidence building. YOU are worth more than this you need to be treated with respect you say one day he loves you the next he does not and uses threats to get his own way, How old is he kids do this type of thing. Don't let him treat you this way, he is probably doing it because you are letting him. I know it will be hard decision for you to make but only you can make it, only you know whether you are really happy with the way things are at the moment, yes it will hurt for a while, after all you have been with this man for a few years but you deserve to be happy, just as anyone else does. Put on the song I will survive by Gloria Gayner on full blast when you are on your own, and really sing those words (it works honest) you only have one life, there is a big world out there, go and out there and get a piece of it.
Good Luck and I really hope things work out the best way for you.
2006-08-27 21:06:31 · answer #3 · answered by radiant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dr. Jekel and Mr. Hyde needs some intense therphy. Honey, I know you love him, for you to even try after him cheating on you with 4 different women. He's either a great con artist and is pulling your chain, and using your love against you....or he's sick. The thing is, you can't make him well is he's sick. There is nothing you can do at this point to help him. If he's conning you, you are falling for it big time. You love him too much! Do you realize that? Yes, you can love a person too much--when they start taking advantage of that love and using it against you....then you are in trouble...
He's handed out his love like a reward, if you don't say anything about his mistreated of you....then "I love you" comes out or if he's caught doing something wrong....I promise this I promise that....When you fuss or ask why--then it's live with it or hit the road....So, basically he's asking to accept that he's going to continue this behavior, the cheating, the not coming home, the mistreated, the ignoring you unless he wants something....he wants a Stepford wife.
Can you be a Stepford wife? Do you want to be a one? One last question, I promise.....Don't you know that you do not have to accept this? You are worth more! You deserves a man, that wants to come at night and be with you. You have a right to be loved 24-7, 365. Writing this down for you made me realize something in my own life....we both deserve better....we both have the right to have a man that wants and needs only us, we both have the right to have a man that wants to spend his time with us, we have the right to be loved, honor, and cherished....just as we have them.....
It's your call, you are the only one, who can make the decision, can you hurt any worse without him, as you do with him......
I am praying for us both......and I hope that you find the love that you need, deserve, and it comes soon.....
God bless us all...............................
2006-08-27 18:56:33 · answer #4 · answered by totallylost 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read "The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists" Read, "Love Must Be Tough" Let the man go and get some self respect! You do not have to let him treat you like crap. Put up some boundaries and don't let him near you until he's proven - for months - that you can trust him, which probably won't happen. He's an abusive jerk, my dear!
2006-08-27 18:53:27 · answer #5 · answered by whiteparrot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from, when you love someone its hard to let them go even if they hurt you all the time. Ive been there I go through this a lot with the person I love. We have had major issues in the past over things similar to this. My heart breaks for you because I know honestly how you feel. Sometimes what people dont understand is that when you love someone things can be so complicated ... and in the end this will be your decision no matter the advice we give, because honestly sweety no one knows you and your relationship with this man better than you. You may want to sit back and reflect on where you are in your relationship, and what this is doing to your emotional well being,? I'm not telling you to leave him but if you think that he is going to continue to hurt you so much then maybe you need to let go... and I know Letting go can be the hardest thing, especially when you love someone so much that the very thought consumes you but sometimes its better to let go even when you love that person then to live your life unfullfilled or in pain from the constant fighting and the constant pain... Is he willing to compromise and does he love you enough to make this work?Sometimes it doesnt matter what you do, how hard you try, or the distance you are willing to go, if his heart isnt in it than there isnt much you can do. Your relationship becomes unbalanced (or onesided) and begins to fall apart. You dont deserve to be hurt and neither of you deserve to be unhappy. Do you think you would both be better off ( even though you love him ) going seperate ways? Only you can answers these questions, its easy for me to tell you to leave him, but you gotta look into your heart for those answers.
2006-08-27 19:14:45 · answer #6 · answered by hearts_bleed_dark 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, he has you were he want's you. If he is coming in at 3:30 in the morning there's got to be something going on. Let him go. Or better yet, give him a dose of his own medicine. Show him that two can play that game.
2006-08-27 18:51:44 · answer #7 · answered by Just_Curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's not working on the counciling. Some people will say that you took vows before God, Family and Friends. I say let him go. Take the kids, the house, money and everything. He's responsible for support.
2006-08-27 19:01:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out now- this is mental abuse!!!! Cheaters never stop cheating because they either don't care or are sick people. Either way you don't want him.
2006-08-27 18:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by Nancy K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband obviously has no respect for you.He cheated on you four times? Please remember that time heals all things, leave him. Go and find someone who will appreciate and love you. It will hurt you for awhile but it will go away. Why waste your life on someone who doesnt love you rather than trying to find someone who does?
2006-08-27 18:47:39 · answer #10 · answered by thissoutherngurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋