who can give the best advice to this troubled 14 yo girl?

Question

The obvious answer is maybe my parents, but this is not the case when my parents are part of the problem. And in this case pastors, priests and the like will make things worse because they are always against kids. They seem to hate teens, though adolescence is just an unavoidable phase of everyone's life. Other parents have the same problem, parents never tell a minor their parents are wrong. I tried and didn't get sympathy. It's true I need honest opinions, but sympathy is essential, when you need advice you dont want people to let you down
Maybe professional help, but since my parents will pay I dont know if it'll work.

Answer 1

It sounds like you have already crossed off all of your options. The best thing I can say is try to talk to your teacher or guidance counselor.

Answer 2

When I was 14 I had a teacher I was really close to. I also had a youth pastor (he was around 20 at the time) who I became close to also. I would have never gone to my pastor or anyone over the age of 20 because I felt also they were all for the adults.

Heres the many answer that I wish I could tell every teen. Teen years are not the easy part of life....but they also are not the hardest part. But they are a part of life. If you need someone to talk to and your heart trust them then let them in. Sometimes your heart will fail you but its ok because I can promise you its not the end all.

Best thing I ever did was tell my parents that I had things I wanted to talk about and was not ready to speak to them about it and asked them to go to a professional. The allowed me to do this. When I was ready (5 years later) I sat down and talked them.

Its ok if your parents know you cant tell them everything (thats healthy and normal.) But just the fact that you are seeking help or the trust of someone who can help you will be good enough to them.

Parents will shock you, as will there kids shock them.

Good Luck

Answer 3

Please see my answer to the same question that you asked about the same time as this one.

I read your other questions and have a better idea of what is wrong than I did when I wrote the other answer. I gave good advice then and I encourage you to read it.

You want sympathy and want to talk with someone that is on your side. I care about you or I wouldn't have bothered to write such a long answer before. I'm not a speed typest. Just 2 little fingers. If I didn't care about you I wouldn't have bothered to read all your questions or write to you again.

I know what it's like to want someone on yourside when it feels like those in power are against you and are treating you unfairly. I've been in that situation for the past 6 years. Have your parents been treating you so badly all the time that you need an ally against them until you can move out on your own?

Or, is it that you feel they treated you unfairly during that one period in your life and have been OK again but that you can't let that one period of time go?

Or, is it that you are wanting more "power" in your relationship with your parents? There is nothing wrong with that and I talked about that in my other answer. I hope that you can contact me on my 360 (blog, is that the same thing? I am so new at this computer stuff.) so that we can talk in specifics. That's of course if anything I've said in my 2 answers has made sense or been helpful.

Answer 4

Well, you're right -- if your folks are part of what's not working, then their opinion is probably not going to help much. It hurts hearing you in pain, because I think society MAKES adolesence far more difficult than it ever needed to be, and, yes, society does set itself against teens, and makes it seem as if teens are always wrong, always up to no good, always wanting to make trouble, etc., which is simply ridiculous.

"Professional" help can sometimes be a real disaster, especially if someone "sends" you to someone for something in particular. Basically, the shrink already has it out for you when you get there, because you are the "patient" and so they figure they are supposed to "cure" you of something.

I guess a lot depends on what advice you need, and exactly how much of a problem your parents are being. When I was 14, I was lucky to find some friends who would listen, but the problem was that other kids my age knew about as much as I did, and so it was hard for us to try to figure out stuff together that made any more sense than trying to figure it out alone. But, it did feel good to talk about it, and to have someone sympathize. I think the risk there can be too much sympathy though -- if that makes sense? I mean, sympathy is good, but when you want solutions, you want more than just a shoulder to cry on, you need someone to provide some insight.

I know the i/net can be full of idiots and weirdos, but if you can find a safe forum to surf, you might look up some sights that let you get stuff off your chest, and provide for people to post back to your thoughts.

At the end of the day, trust yourself -- look past what others, including your parents, have said about you, or have said about anything you might have done (again, I'm not sure what advice you're looking for, so this is a shot in the dark pretty much), and separate yourself from the situation as best as you can. Try and see it from a distance, and think about your choices starting with what you feel would be BEST for you to do. Then, even if you can't have that, right away, at least work your efforts toward that direction.

The best psychologist is right inside of you, but it takes time to learn to hear that voice, and it can take years (depending on how much you've been through already in life) to learn that you really do know what you need -- and of course, in this rather lame society, it can also take years until you are allowed to actually DO what you need to do, based on knowing what you need.

So, I'd say look for some help from peers, particularly older peers that have "been there done that" and then consider looking (carefully) into online help. Overall, hang in there! You're obviously bright and have a keen mind -- trust yourself enough to believe in what you know is real, and don't let ANYONE who "claims" to know better, pastors, parents, counselors, try to talk you out of what you know feels right for you.

Answer 5

LOL i am sorry to laugh but you are so adorable. I remeber thinking the whole world was against me as well when i was 14. Which wasnt that long ago. My best advice is to tell you to have good friendships. Not the kind that get you into trouble with drugs and such but a good support system of other young ones who need to vent. I promise "this troubled 14 yo girl" that you will live through whatever the issue is and come to be a decent adult. These feelings are all just part of growing up. Hang in there.

Answer 6

well outside of not knowing the question to help on, you have dismissed, your parents, other parents, pastors, priests, if you had remembered, teacher, and other. So you want to make sure you get the answer you want by maybe only getting answer from your peers? You must have your mind made up on what you are going to do or want to do... But you are trying to see if other agree with you... others that are your own age. You want sympathy but honest opinions. You don't want people to let you down but you are not willing to listen to their answers if their answer don't agree with your thoughts? Are you being fair with yourself? Maybe you need professional help. But what you need is a good dose of reality and life. Good Luck.. now ask the question please.

Answer 7

It depends on the problem. Not all pastors, priests and the like are against teens. My youth pastor seems to listen to problems and try to help, so it depends on how the pastor is =/. You should find a youth pastor who will try to help with these kinds of things. Besides that, try to get some other responsible adult that listens. Maybe a teacher or a counselor would listen. You may also try finding someone who will sponsor you to get professional help. If you believe in God, pray to him for help first.

Again, not all adults are like that. There are some who should understand.

Answer 8

Sounds like you have a good head on ur shoulders.I know being a teen sucks and my dd is comeing into that world. I hope my dd would think she could talk to me rather than yahoo anwers. However to ur question,
how about an older friend or school councilor or maybe ur doctor maybe able to help. I hope if it is serious prob with ur parents like abuse you would think of the police or child protective services. Just know that
ur not alone in this battle of the teen years I was there as is your friends we all go thru and come out... some of us more intact than others tho LOL. J/K Good luck and take care ....please talk to some one sounds like you need a friend and a hug.

Answer 9

ok, whats the matter? This is a very adult thing to do, but you really need to give yourself advice. I know, it sounded totally stupid when i was 14 too. But say this: If i were a friend, what would I tell me? If I were a parent, what would I tell me? Counselor, pastor, etc. You will learn as you grow up, that not one other person's opinion truly matters unless you believe it. If you cant figure out what youre going to do, youre only going to get stuck, and no one can bail you out cause no one knows. If you want, ill help you.

Answer 10

You fail to mention what is exactly troubling you. Not all priests and pastors are against kids, but you have to consider that, unlike someone like a lawyer or doctor, client confidentiality does not apply to the pastorate, truly. But, you need to confide in a trusted adult. Again, it will all boil down to what is troubling you.

Answer 11

You failed to mention what advice your seeking. A responsible adult would obviously be the best to answer your questions, but you need to be prepared to hear things you don't want to. You can be givin sympathy and still not get the answers you want. Good Luck.