Should women who gave custody of their children to their father be put down or berated by society in general?

Question

for their choice?

First, check the first quesiton I submitted last night.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AiZ1YcVPLZ8zT2IPMY6TNmPsy6IX?qid=20060827030834AAoERrQ

In my 17 years of working with divorced and single fathers, I see cases all the time where women only demand custody because of how they will be treated if they don't have it. In 1996, Cosmopolitan Magazine ask their readers a series of questions about happiness. One was that in the even of a divorce, would they be happier with or without custody of their children. Sixty-two percent of the women who responded said they would be happier not having custody. Society believes women should have a choice on abortion, but not custody, why is that?

Saturday night, I had a taxi customer who had been arguing with his wife and the police told him that he (never her) would have to leave to let things cool down. They were arguing over him not making enough money so that she can hire an attorney to try and get custody back from her first -husband. She gave him custody, but people are constantly berating her for that choice, or asking if she lost custody because she abused the kids. She wants to get custody to stop the abuse.

Answer 1

No, they should not. It is "deemed" acceptable that when a woman has a child, it is her responsibility as mother AND nurturer to take care of that child through all forms of development. She couldn't/shouldn't "even think of putting the "safety" of her kids into someone else's hands-not with other people and certainly not with a daycare. If she did, what kind of mother would that make her?"
Some women, perpetuated by society's stereotypes, still seem to think that no one will know more about her kids than she will and no one will do more for her kids than she will. ("The Perfect Mother" syndrome)

Society seems to think that because she brought the child into this world, that she has a "special connection" with the child and that the father will not have the same connection.
Society "superimposes" their will with stereotypes of the perfect woman including the perfect mother-someone who will treat her children a certain way and will never, never, never "abandon them".

You hear all over the media about those "bad mothers" that did this and did that.
Society says, in it's unspoken voice, of just how much trouble women will get into if they "get out of line".
Society literally dictates what makes a good mother and what makes a bad mother.
Women look at these so-called "role models" that society has shoved in their faces and they feel guilt. They believe the lie.
What will people say if she gave custody of her children to the father? Will that make her a bad person, a bad mother?

Society does not view men as nurturers. It cannot even fathom them as homemakers. To even suggest that men juggle a career and family is seen as ludicrous by society's standards.
Saying men cannot be nurturers/homemakers is a falsehood and yet there are many men and women who believe this falsehood to be true.
The media does nothing but perpetuate this stereotype that is generated and put into place by society's standards of womanhood. While it cancels out fatherhood all together.

Abortion and custody of children work in direct relationship with each other. Why? Because women and children have been forced to work in direct correlation with each other. But, father and children have not been forced to work in direct correlation with each other.
It is "said" that it falls on the responsibility of the woman to make choices that society deems fit/acceptable, especially as a MOTHER.
If she oversteps that "invisible boundary" she will be ridiculed for her choices regardless of what they are.
Is this right? No, it's not. Society is basically letting women know, by ridicule, that "taking care of the kids is her consequence for having sex in the first place. The men were just being men and spreading their seed."
Women believe this because they have been told that mothers take care of kids and does not fall in the hands of the fathers. By allowing fathers to take custody of the children, this would be the equivelent of saying that she is unfit to be a mother, shunned by a society that picks and prods at mothers if they don't make the right "choices" and by not making her children "her life" (by choosing a different path), society will make idle threats as to how it will look like she is abandoning her kids and rejecting them.

It took some women a LONG time to accept the fact that being a "perfect" mother was not possible and to accept being the "good enough" mother. Alot of women still feel that there is something wrong with them if they are not perfect mothers in every way shape and form and will quite literally beat themselves up over it. And because that has been ingrained into them by society, the fact that they would even "consider" giving custody of their kids to the father would be society calling them a failure. A nice kick to the curb. Saying she failed as a mother.

The barriers that are held into place by which gender is a better nurturer must be dismantled and changed or else this vicious cycle will be allowed by society to continue.

Answer 2

Sadly, I think your right. Society looks down on women who don't have custody of their children. " She must be a bad mother." I think that if a woman can't handle custody and full time care of her children as well as the father can handle it, that mother should give the father custody. Men and women both should think of what's in the best interest of the child and be honest with themselves. Maybe if society wouldn't look down on women giving up custody then it would be easier to make the right decision. Sometimes Dad is just better for the child, that doesn't make Mom bad.

Answer 3

If these women, are making this decision with a conscience effort I applaud them. I strongly believe that if a woman is going to raised her children in jeopardy and see that there is better chance for her children to be raised with their father, than the mother should allow her children to obtain the best possible role model in their lives, even if this means giving up custody to the father. What would be totally irresponsible would be for the mother to see this possibility and continue to raise her children in jeopardy.

I don't see why society makes a big issues of what parent raises the children. I believe that as long a they are obtaining the nurturing, stability and love needed for proper developing by either the mother or father, than allow these two individual to establish what is best for their children.

We live in a very sexist society, were it is stated what men and women are suppose to do and not what can they do.

Answer 4

Frankly, I can't see how any mother could kill her fetus, or give up her child, but I feel the same way about men. A child thrives best in a two parent situation, and if the parents can't stand each other, they ought to share custody equally. F*** the happiness quotient. Once you have a child, you're only concern should be about making the child happy and productive. I hate the selfishness of many parents that have lost sight of this.

Peace.

Answer 5

Often the father would be the better parent. Some women don't want custody due to a drug problem, immaturity, or whatever the problem. If the father is willing and able to provide a good home, I say why not?

Answer 6

It depends on the mother's situation. Sometimes a mother knows that a father can give the child a better life. I personally would never give up my children but I am able to take care of them. I know there are some women out there that just give up their children for pure selfish reasons. I do believe life will catch up with her and she will regret her choices.

Answer 7

I'm living proof of that. I didn't get to raise any of my two daughters, because I had a lot of emotional problems that prevented me from raising them, so I trusted people who would. Despite the judgments I have recieved from society in general for it, looking back, I did make the right decision, because the people who raised my children were better capable of doing so, and the girls were able to have advantages I would not have been able to provide for them.

It beats being in a situation where I would have been so stressed out that my children would have likely ended up abused and/or deprived, ever so inadvertently. I was smart enough to know I just couldn't take care of them.

If I would have been taught proper sex education at an early age, I would have been able to make the informed decision not to get pregnant, because I knew that I didn't have what it takes to raise a child, period.

So if society still wants to blame me, let them. I know the truth, and my daughters are truly better off for the fact that I didn't raise them.

Answer 8

Anyone who makes a decision about their children, NOT based on what is best for their children should be berated by society in general. This includes in the case of abortion, as this choice is not generally one of "evil murder" vs. not, but rather a choice between two evils - "murder" or a life of child abuse. Murder or starving to death. (Of course there is also the option of adoption in that case, but with overpopulation and all the evils in the world, one may feel that is also an evil choice. I'm not going to comment on what I personally feel is considered in the best interest of a child. I'm just saying the parent should be thinking about the child, not themself.)

Does that answer the question?

Answer 9

People want to believe that all mothers feel this incredible bond with their children. Its simply not true of every woman. Some women know that they cant handle the responsibility of caring for their children. It takes a courageous person to admit that they feel like like they will fall short. Society pressures women into thinking that they must keep their children or they dont love them. My nieces mother feels that way. She has told me that she would give her daughter to my brother but everyone will think she is a bad mother. So she continues to live with her drug-addicted mother(i-v drug user). Children are the true victims of this stereotype.

Answer 10

I was not in time to ans were the first question. The problem is not society, it is how the woman lets society influence her. Her simple answer to priers should be that her ex makes more money and can provide more. So, it is in the best interests of the children to stay with him. She loves her children and wants them to have everything they need. How many mothers that are not divorced actually spend more than three hours a day with their kids?