my husband always abused me our anniversary my b'day and he doesnt want togive me any present. he abused my family he said that i have physical relation with my parents and brothers.. he said all this in anger. he says that he doesnt want to stay with me and then next day he says sorry... he hurts me all the time and then says sorry. he said he doesnt want to give me anything not even birthday cake not even a present nothing. i have a 3 yres old baby wat should i do??????????
2006-08-27 17:59:59 · 20 answers · asked by carrie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leave him. Find solace in your family, then find someone who actually cares about the little things.
2006-08-27 18:04:15 · answer #1 · answered by Short and sweet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if this was somebody else in your situation and you were reading their plea for advice, what would you tell them? Probably to leave the bumb, right? Then why won't you follow your own advice? You already know what you should do. This guy isn't right and it's only going to be a matter of time before his unstable behavior is directed towards your daughter.
As for the comments he made regarding your family, honey, he's waving a huge red warning flag. All abusers will distant their victim from their families and that is exactly what he is trying to do. Once he removes them from the equation, it'll be that much easier for him to graduate to the next level of abuse. If it's bad now, imagine how it could be that much worse, because that is exactly what is going to happen. All the "I'm sorrys" are not going to do you one bit of good. Think about this, you have a baby that depends on her mommy. If something happens to you, could you imagine this man raising her? Because that is what is going to happen. It's time to leave. If you can't bring yourself to do it for you, then do it for your daughter and her needs. Kids don't need to see these types of things while growing up. Having no father is ten times better than having an abusive one.
Talk to your mom about what is going on and tell her you need help getting out....SHE WILL HELP YOU! No matter what has happened to distance you from them, they will always love you and understand.
Don't worry about any gifts for an anniversary or birthday...worry about getting out of there safely honey...it's worth way more than some present he'd only take back anyway. You deserve so much better, your daughter deserves better and you know this.
2006-08-28 01:18:52 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This relationship should end. If he thought anything of you he wouldn't do this repeatedly. If he is not hitting you yet I am sure he will before long. also it is not good for a child to be inside a relationship like this. Get out as soon as possible. ask your family for help. Do not keep all this to your self, tell someone about it. Do they have a refuge for women in your area. Just not receiving gifts does not count as abuse, unkindness, yes, but not abuse. Take so time to find a life for yourself and your child then when the time is right find a good man who will love you and the child. The first thing to do is to get to a place of safety. Good luck.
2006-08-28 01:10:36 · answer #3 · answered by SHAZLIA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don’t know if you will get to read this response, since it is so far down the page, but I will see if I can help you anyway…
OK, you mentioned that you have a three year old baby…
I don’t know how long you have been married, but I will assume that your husband is the father of the child. (If that isn’t correct, you may need to edit your question)
You haven’t mentioned how long the abuse has been going on for…
or what you believe may have caused it to begin.
It appears to me that if you allow the relationship to continue the way it is, you will be putting the welfare and safety of you and your baby at risk.
My suggestion to you is straight forward…
Grab the kids, and move in with your parents!!!
If there is any trouble, don’t hesitate to get the police involved.
Your husband needs to learn to control his anger.
Participation in an Anger Management Course will help him.
You do not have to put up with the abuse that he throws at you, and until he takes steps to learn to control his anger, the abuse is only going to continue, and you and your baby will be in danger.
I am not going to suggest that you divorce him…
If he learns to control his anger, then there is a good chance the marriage will work out.
I suggest you talk to your family, and ask if they can let you stay with them until things get sorted out.
Once you have spoken to them, I would suggest you go and see the police, and tell them what you have been going through, and that you want to move in with your family until your husband has learnt to control his temper. Ask them if they can help you!!!
Good luck…
I hope things work out OK!!!
2006-08-28 01:28:40 · answer #4 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave him. My husband was like that - he was physically and verbally abusive. Things finally came to a head one day when he threatened me with a gun. I finally figured out that he wasn't going to change, so I left the state and started my life over again 3,000 miles away. There are lots of programs that can help you to get a fresh start, away from him. Contact a local women and childrens shelter or domestic abuse hotline. Here is the number:
1-800-799-SAFE
Good luck with everything. You can always email me if you need to. My email address is on my Q&A page.
2006-08-28 01:06:32 · answer #5 · answered by rita_alabama 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you at your self in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful woman.Second you don't need someone who puts you down every chance he gets.Obviously he suffers from low self-esteem if has to puts you down.Third you have a 3 yr old to think about.You don't want your child growing up thinking it's alright to treat women like trash.So if for any reason that should be your main reason to leave.
2006-08-28 01:20:56 · answer #6 · answered by Albert W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE!!! There are shelters to go to. THere is help IF YOU WANT IT. YOU must ask yourself if you sincerely want the help and seek it and plan ahead and say NOTHING.
Do you want to live for that 3 year old? That baby needs his/her mother. IF you are dead, will the baby have you? I don't think so.
A man or woman, but I know men will tell you "sorry" for so long. IT is because they ARE sorry men. GET OUT while the getting is good.
PRAY and ask GOD for guidance. LEAVE HONEY LEAVE...even if you have to go to another state or city.
GO and try not to involve your relatives.
My prayers go out to you.
2006-08-28 01:11:55 · answer #7 · answered by L B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get yourself and your baby as far away from him as possible. He is a no good piece of shi*. You deserve better than that. There are social services agencies that can help you and your baby with food stamps, medical assistance, housing, etc.
Or call a battered woman's hotline. God bless you and your baby.
2006-08-28 01:12:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you staying with him? He has nothing to offer you but pain.
There are groups/agencies/women's help centers that can help you, if you cannot get help from your family.
Leave him in your dust - there is a whole world out there and you don't need to live in his little one.
2006-08-28 01:07:26 · answer #9 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him! I know its hard to leave because you hope one day he will change. Truth is he never gonna change! (I know because I went through something similar in my past)
You can find someone better and be so much happier! Just because you two have child together, it doesn't mean that you have to stuck w/ jerk and make your self miserable!! I hope you will have courage to leave him! I'm wishing your luck!!
2006-08-28 01:24:40 · answer #10 · answered by sunflower222 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋