My boyfriend and I are both 22, and have been living together for a year and a half. Everything was going well until recently, when he told me he needed to move out. I got really upset, and didnt understand why - thought there was another girl, until he told me that his mother was just stressing him out too much. His mother had a bad relationship with his birthfather, and now it seems like she is taking it out on him! She likes me a lot, considers me a daughter, and is constantly telling him that he better take good care of me, that he'd be a fool not to marry me, that he better not hurt me, etc. - It is sweet of her to "look out for me", kind of, but it's really hard on him, and our relationship. He feels like he is being forced into a marriage with me by his mom - and here's the crazy thing - neither of us is ready to get married! He told her that he was thinking of moving out to have some space, and she started crying. She then called me to offer that I could stay at his sister's!
2006-08-27 17:43:47 · 8 answers · asked by starlet_8 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
That wouldnt be right, because then not only would his mother be "on my side", but also his sister. I understand why he wants to move out, and think it may even be a great idea - but if his mother doesn't lay off, it will be the end of our relationship. I don't think she is trying to break us up either! She just really is defensive about how women are treated - which i can respect. How do we talk to her without hurting her feelings anymore?
2006-08-27 17:46:06 · update #1
You and your partner must first understand why his mother is putting on the pressure on her son.
From your account, she appears to be an honourable person. She probably does not want to be labeled by her friends and relatives as one who condones or encourages her son to live with a partner as husband and wife without being married. She could be stressed over her worries about this!
Both you and your partner have to discuss this with her very frankly and decide on a course of action agreeable with her. This will help reduce her stress level.
One possible solution could be that both of you live apart until you are ready to be married. This is a small inconvenience to both of you, compared with the stress that all three of you are going through now.
2006-08-27 18:05:18 · answer #1 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad, that your bf has no balls to tell his own mother to butt out of his personal life.
I understand the pressure a mother can put on a son. You need to sit him down and ask him if he's going to let his mother control him for the rest of his life or not, if that's the case, then you need to let him move out, so you can find someone who is worth being with, waste no time, solving this.
If you stay together with him, ask his mother not to bring up anything ever about your relationship with her son again, if she does truly care for you. She will honor your wishes.
2006-08-28 00:50:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough spot...but you shouldn't be playing house. Shacking up undermines the sanctity of marriage, his mom is afraid of a girl she really likes going through the same thing she went through.......if you guys are not ready to be married why pretend that you are? She is doing whats right, its just not what we are used to. Why not spend some time reflecting on your relationship and try to see why if you don't want to get married you are pretending to be....
2006-08-28 00:48:11 · answer #3 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He needs to have a talk with his mother and ask her to let him live his life. He doesn't need to move out.
2006-08-28 00:46:59 · answer #4 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. If he needs to move out, let him. Sorry to say, she will probably never change.Do you want to deal with another woman always influencing your life?
2006-08-28 00:47:59 · answer #5 · answered by 1 Supermom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he should love his mother as much as possible. when she is old and sickly he can look back and know that he was always nice to his mother no matter what. it's called
"unconditional love" for those of you humans that haven't heard of it before.
2006-08-28 00:47:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
prayer sweetie prayer
you have to tell her how great he is constanly and have him explain to her that he's not his father. and maybe it will happening with you him him someday but for now let her know that your'e not ready
2006-08-28 00:46:55 · answer #7 · answered by anniemae 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your story is not too clear....
2006-08-28 03:57:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋