I don't have a good relationship w/ my parents, for a year I've been extremely resentful. They were too harsh on me cause I was somewhat lost and I could never get over. I respect them and I'm polite, but very distant, avoid talking to them. People consider me a good girl and praise my parents. I avoid talking about my problems w/ them but those who know can't understand how someone like me can be so resentful. Sometimes they try to force a situation for us to make up and this drives me terribly upset. I take part in volunteering acticities with children and the lady who manages it likes me really much. Next weekend there'll be a party with the presence of teens and their parents and on such events parents usually hug their kids. She invited mine and says it's a great opportunity for reconciliation, wants to see me and my parents hug. I think I wont go to the party, or I'll live a kinda sad and emotionally devastating situation. But if I dont go I'll hurt the children I deal with.
2006-08-27 17:41:19 · 12 answers · asked by Carla 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
This is the same problem I've had with my daughter for the last couple years. Communication.
Every couple of months, we have a long talk, and get everything out. All of it. And then I understand where she's coming from. But, if she doesn't tell me, I'm never gonna know. Which is why we have our talks. I know, for instance, that when she comes in the door, after school, and I ask, "How was your day?", she's gonna say, "Fine." Even if it wasn't, she's not telling, because she thinks I won't understand. And, of course, I won't, because she's not ready to tell me the whole story yet. I usually start these little talks of ours with a story about the old days, when I was around her age. It gets us trading stories, and pretty soon, we actually get to know each other again.
It sounds like your parents don't quite know that you're unhappy. Why not give them a nudge in the right direction, and walk into the room, sit down, and say, "Tell me a story about the old days." That'll surprise them. If they ask, tell them 42ITUS (fortuitous) said they're not so different from you, and they can prove it. And then you can tell them about these kids they're gonna meet, too.
If you get to know your parents now, maybe you won't have to years from now, when they're dying, like I did with my Dad. It's a sad thing to miss out on your parents' lives, believe me. They won't be there forever, maybe it's up to you to take the first step.
2006-08-27 19:04:57 · answer #1 · answered by 42ITUS™ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you wrote here means nothing if you can't write what it is that you resent your parents for. Read what you wrote and see how you skipped over the most important part of your story, the why you resent them. You need to get that out in the open. They were to harsh. How so? You were lost. How so? You could never get over what. You danced around your problem and then you expect us to tell you what to do. We can't. We can tell you that you made a commitment to these children. We can tell you that this lady thinks you need to get closer with your parents. We can tell you that your parents seem to want to get closer to you. We can tell you that you don't want that. But all that we are telling you is what you told us. You need to figure out why you didn't tell us what is bothering you. Until you can state that you can't hope to fix it. That is probably why they want to get you and your parents together. They are hoping you will open up. Perhaps you should. All you have to lose is your hatred and that doesn't seem to be something you want to keep. Give it a chance. You might find that the answer you are seeking has been inside you all along. Good luck.
2006-08-27 18:09:32 · answer #2 · answered by LORD Z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try to be honest with this woman that while you hope such a reconciliation happens someday, you think not enough time and healing has passed yet and that it would feel kind of forced and false. Tell her you think that would cheapen the experience of a real reconciliation when it comes. You could go ahead to the party, but try to be sure that you don't get forced into any fake public demonstrations of emotion. Just try to stay real busy with the children and the activities and not to be standing around with your parents when any of this is going on. If you do get forced into it, just make it short and sweet and don't over analyze it. Just do it and move on from it, realizing nothing has probably changed.
2006-08-27 17:48:34 · answer #3 · answered by Rvn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly honey, all people deserve forgiveness. It;s easy to resent even parents or so much as hate them. But the hardest thing is to let go and love. I hate the person my mother is because she's done some unspeakable things to me as a child and teenager. But she's my mom and I love her just as my dad dissapeared when I was eight and i'm now 21 I love him just the same. Forgiveness is the most difficult thing you can do but it takes more energy to resent and hate. Sit your parents down and talk to them now without fear before this problem gets to big to handle. They love you and if they're worth anything they'll listen. Show the kids you work with and everyone else including them that you are the bigger person and be the first to take a hold on this situation.
xoxoxo
2006-08-27 17:50:37 · answer #4 · answered by datcreekgurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you resentful about?? The best thing I can tell you to do (as i did with my parents) is just go to your parents and say something such as " Mom, Dad, I have some issues im dealing with and im just not ready to talk with you about them. Would you mind if I went to go see a counsler to help me get through these times?" (SORRY BAD SPELLER) Its ok to let your parents know that you have issues that you arent ready to talk to them about but would like help with. In fact that is a ideal situation I think.
I hope you get though this rough patch! Good luck. Remember you can only bottle so much. You need to find an outlet that is not harmful to you or anyone else.
2006-08-27 20:31:07 · answer #5 · answered by Natasha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to try and forgive your parents. everyone makes mistakes and i am sure that they are sorry. trust me parenthood isn't easy i have two children of my own that i would do anything for but sometimes a situation arises where i don't know what to do as a parent and i have to use my best judgment. when i was growing up my mother made alot of mistakes with me but one thing that i learnt was no matter how bad life felt or how mad we were at each other or how bad i screwed up she would always be there. Ive been lost to when i was very young. i am sure your parents didn't mean for it to happen just give them a chance.
2006-08-27 18:06:57 · answer #6 · answered by vic pal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to settle your differences with your parents, or you will never be a good parent. They love you and I know you love them. How can you not want to hug them? Life is too short, get together with your parents.
2006-08-27 17:49:44 · answer #7 · answered by kb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only way to heal your heart is to let your parents back in. you are 14 and still need there guidance. there is always conflect with your parents at this stage in life. but as you grow older your relationship will grow as well. i think that weather it is a good or bad one seems to be up to you right now. they will always be your parents so you should make the best of it.
2006-08-27 21:58:41 · answer #8 · answered by heavenly16652 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone needs a hug now and then, even if it's unwanted. It's easy to forgive, not to forget. It's easy to hug them without forgetting whatever has occured. That may remain with you, DON'T let it color your world.
2006-08-27 17:50:32 · answer #9 · answered by wildmanbowling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you will be able to get the best answer possible if you do not divulge why you are so resentful to your parents.
2006-08-27 17:47:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋